Now I'm not saying that I'm a ho. I'm really not. I have gone years without till I found the right guy and even then I still feel like I'm doing something wrong.
My cousin told me not to talk to him that would just confuse me. And like always I didn't listen. I was talking to the ex last night and nothing was different. We had the exact same conversation we had last week. I don't understand why we can be friends and lovers? I know there is something more to why he broke up with me but he is just not telling me.
My uncle says guys have a tendency to break up with someone and place the blame on the other person. Joesph feels that he is blaming to make himself feel better about his shortcomings. That makes perfect sense to my head just not my heart. I blame myself most days. I think to myself about all the men I meet and they want me just not the way I want to be wanted.
A lot of my relationships don't go far because I find out early that they want a physical relationship from me but nothing more. I am grateful for the fact that I know not to accept that. I guess I should also mention that most of the guys who have treated me like that were older.
Where did my attraction for older men come from? I've talked to guys around my age and there is no spark. I spark with older guys. I'm not saying I'm looking for anyone new now I am not. I am going to try to stay single for a little while until I change the way I approach these things. This is no grand declaration or epiphany just something I feel has to be done.
I think the bitter bitch songs are done now. What are those stages of grief again? I think I'm done with the anger.
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