The Decade in Review

At first when I started to write I was just going to do a year in review but there were a lot of things that happened to me in the 00's. Why not decide to share. I really should have planned this better with accompanying photos

2000

I will never forget the New Year's going into the new century/millennium. My friends Dana and Elizabeth were there as well as Dana's friend Deseree. Eric's usually crew came through as well in addition to my cousin Perryn. We must of thrown confetti in every part of the house (my parents were not at home). I want to say that was also the night we lost Sean but found him. This was also the year I turned 21. I spent my 21st birthday at first with the ladies of okayplayer at our first and only sisterhood day and then Elizabeth and I went to a bar on the upper east side. This was also the year I lost my virginity.

2001

The New Year's Eve going into this year I was 21 but no where to go because I was recovering from surgery. I had my first real job in the group home. First time I had health insurance which would prove useful that year. I started having sex and was able to get my own birth control without alarming the parental units. That year I was the thinnest I had been in a while. This year we were a changed nation because of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. Life as we knew it would never be the same. I went on my first cruise with him that year too.

2002

Many things happened this year but only a few worth mentioning. This was the year I got my first 9-5 office job. This is the year my father finally got the kidney transplant he had needed for the last 10 years and of course that was the same week I lost my granny.

2003

January of this year Elizabeth and I embarked on our girls trip. I really thought it would have been the first of many but it was a vacation to never forget. This is the year I also found out on my birthday that my father had prostate cancer. In 2003, I also said goodbye to my Auntie Len. I made the big move back from Albany to Long Island and began my employment as a state worker for Stony Brook University.

2004

Treatment for Dad's cancer worked for a while and this also marked 40 years of marriage for my parents. We celebrated by taking that cruise my father always wanted to do and had the time of our life. That August, he started to get worse. October Dad's cancer went from bad to awful and New Year's Eve I found out my Dad would be dead in 3 months. I knew this in the back of my mind and I tried to spend all of my waking time with my father. Oh yeah I also started college Fall 2004.

2005

It was hard to stay positive this year knowing my father was going to die. My father would never get that house in Florida he wanted to retire in and travel during the hurricane season. My father would never walk me down the aisle or see my children. What I do remember from that time before he died was the gift I felt the Lord gave me. I wanted to take some time off so put in for my Spring break. Ironically that week my car would be repossessed and I would have no mode of transportation. I would spend a lot of time with my father and for some strange reason he was feeling good. He actually got up and made me breakfast something he wasn't able to do in a while. I was feeling positive up until that Easter morning. I saw my father sit in his chair and it was almost as if he was already gone. We went to my Uncle Lynn's house for dinner and came home where my father was up all night. I had to go back to work that day so I got dressed and said bye to my Dad and I would see him when he got home. My mom ended up taking him to the hospital where I spoke to him for the final time when he said he was OK. Later that night about 10:00 my Mom called from the hospital to tell me and my brother come to the city your father will probably not make it through the night. So I called my sister, my Uncle Lynn and my cousin Kizzy. Then put my clothes on to go say goodbye to my father. I saw my Dad in the hospital bed before the put him on the life support machine. We had a priest come in and do his last rites. I held my father's hand and he squeezed it back. I know my father died that day but we took vigil in the hospital for the rest of the week waiting for family to arrive to say goodbye. Everyday I went there and talked to my Daddy like he was still alive and that a miracle would happen and he would come back to me. He never did. That Friday we disconnected the machine and watched the heart monitor go down as the life the machine was providing left his body. Two weeks later we would say goodbye to my cousin Arlene's husband Lenny. Two months later we would say goodbye to my grandfather and two months after that I lost my godfather. What else can I say about this year but it has changed me forever.

2006

I decided to cope with my loss was to not have time to deal with it. I went back into my studies and one day walking on campus saw the flyer with almost an auroa surrounding it. Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated informational April 2, 2006. This year I would embark on a journey that I always felt destined to take. I began my journey April 2 and started on a new path December 2, 2006. I learned many things that year. Some things I'm not going to put on the blog. Some things will stay with Fall 06

2007

I had many expectations for this year and it was a blur. I threw myself in school work and sorority and was maintaining for a little while. Who would know that this would be the gateway to about 60 pound weight gain. Oh yeah I left the hell I was in for a new one. Made the job switch from East to West campus.

2008

Much of 2007 but with more personal strife and weight gain. One thing that did change was deciding to make some changes. In November, 2008 I moved out of my mother's house and into my own studio apartment. Oh my Academic career was in the toilet.

2009

DIRTY THIRTY - was this year perfect nope but I made the best of it. I had another car accident which forced me to my chiropractor who introduced me to the diet that would actually work for me. My boss introduced me to the therapist who is actually helping me and I traveled. This year I saw Hawaii, Dominican Republic and Toronto. The best part was not only my trips. The best part was snorkeling in Kona, zip lining in Kauai and finally doing everything I had been scared to do for so long.

There is more to the last 10 years that I care to write about. I may edit at a later time but for now I have to get myself ready for a New Year's Eve house party. Which I hope will be the best way for me to start off my year.

A Review of last night

I know myself enough to know never to have these conversations that are too hard and confrontational when I'm upset. They never come out right.

Maybe its time for restraint

Best of Me by Mya

You can't make this shit up son. Someone went through this before. 100 bucks says they weren't 30 and if they were they knew better.







Mya-
You put me on
I can�t let let him go no
Can�t let you get, oh no

Verse 1:
He has a little game that he plays
Clever little ways and a hot boy style
Racks up on the dough that he makes
Flash a little cash watch girls wild out
Lately he�s been checking for me
Telling me how much he wants to be
Wants to be the one to replace
Replace the man that waits at home for me

Chorus:
Oh no I can�t let you
Get the best of me
Even though deep inside
Something�s dying to see
How you flow out them clothes
Then you put it on me
Feelings coming on strong
I know that it�s wrong
I can�t let you get the best of me
The best of me


Verse 2:
So busy trying to play with my head
Telling me how he could blow my mind
Something about the things that he said
Made me want to take it there one time
I should be walking away
Cause his hands up on my thigh
Should I leave, should I stay?
After all it�s just one night

Chorus

Jadakiss- verse 3:
Yo yo yo I got so many bags of money
That they won�t fit in the bank
And i�mma do this just like tony did it to frank
But i�mma make sure both y�all win
Let him keep the place you move
And i�mma pay both y�alls rent
So forget about the condo and come to the crib
Cause the castle over the mountain come with a bridge
You know literally we can go shopping in italy
Hand on her thigh she don�t wanna get rid of me
And she don�t drink or know how a l look
Chanel look mixed with the pete arnell look
You just stay pretty while I�m running the city
When I whip the v you can hold the joint if you with me
Vacation cost a hundred and fifty we living it up
I put it on your ass if you giving up
And you know I�m not a hater
And if you feel bad then you can call him later
And tell him you all jada�s

Mya-
Oh no I can�t let you
Get the best of me
Even though deep inside
Something�s dying to see
How you flow out them clothes
Then you put it on me
You ain�t gonna get to me
You can�t get the best of me

Chorus

Oh no I can�t let you
Get the best of me
Even though deep inside
Something�s dying to see
How you flow out them clothes
Then you put it on me
Oh yeah, oh...

I have this Ice Box Where My Heart Used to Be....

I tried....

No one can't say I didn't. I was given advice that I wasn't ready to be married because I never really dated. Now I know if I want to be technical I didn't date in this situation but I tried going in not to be soft and pink. (c)Wendy Williams

This entire situation is not entirely my fault. I believe in personal accountability but I cannot take complete ownership. All I wanted was honesty and respect. I asked for that but I was not fully prepared at all at the fact that he wouldn't give it to me.

I set the requirements....
I laid the ground rules....
and he chose not to follow....
I didn't ask for commitment....

Now my role in the shit I just got myself in.
Thinking I can actually have an icebox and thinking that I wouldn't develop feelings.

But for all those in the cyberspace would you really think if you invited the next chick your fucking to the get together the chick already there wouldn't feel some type of way about it? How fuckin dare you! How dare you try to dance and feel up on both of us like that shit is cute.

Now I wonder what he is thinking or will he even approach me about this? I wonder if he will think that I'm just acting this way because I caught some type of feelings. The truth is I did. But that is not why I'm mad.

My next move is very important. I need to plan my moves accordingly so I come out smelling like fuckin roses even though I'm at a loss.

My Life in Photos

Some of my photos....



This photo sparked much conversation on facebook. Many complements to Ashley Clarke and the Fraser thighs




Anderson is not being coy here but trying to hide inebriation.



Dana and I are dorks...n/m





And we sleep...



A day at the St. Brigid's Fair. I really thought I was going to kill Headache #1 and Headache #2 but they were really good.



The only selective focus shot I was able to take. I would love to know what settings on my camera were.

I'm so not Ready

Ball of Confusion

Thank the Lord no one reads this blog of mine and I can speak freely. Men can put you through it so much that I want to write about it but I know I'm just going to give myself a headache

URGHHHHHH!!!

EDIT:

I really don't know what to do.

I'm going to now say what I want to say but don't know if I can suffer the consequences of my feelings. The consequences being either he hears what I have to say and understands or he walks away.

Hopefully writing in this blog will give me the courage to say what I have to say.

We first met and had fun
The second time we met we had fun and took it further...
During our second meeting we talked about us and where we were going.
The third time we met not so good. You pushed me away because you thought I was getting too close. I thought to myself, "This is bullshit!" Stated my case and left him be.
Fourth time we met...you wanted me. You called me and I came and we had fun!

Things were going well. Anytime we get close you throw up roadblocks. And the reason is you don't want anyone to develop feelings. The problem is I don't think its my feelings your thinking about developing I think its yours.

You know what? I took a lot of time to just say something so simple.

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Listening to: Omarion - Ice Box
via FoxyTunes

The Battle for Health Care Reform

The haves and the have nots
The insured and the uninsured
Health care reform, public options, death panels, waiting six months for a x-ray. These are all common phrases being spoken in the media in regards to the health care reform bill that the President is proposing. I went from a working young adult with no insurance to working for a hospital receiving excellent health benefits. The irony of this is my new job put me behind a computer billing people who were just like me, working with no coverage. I went from receiving a medical bill and not being able to pay it, to billing someone $2000 for a MRI.

I decided to visit the white house official web page to see exactly what all the discussion was about.

I want to highlight a few points of the President's plan.

If You Have Health Insurance

• Prevents insurance companies from dropping coverage when people are sick and need it most

If You Don't Have Insurance

• Creates a new insurance marketplace – the Exchange – that allows people without insurance and small businesses to compare plans and buy insurance at competitive prices

Reins In the Cost of Health Care for Our Families, Our Businesses, and Our Government

• Creates an independent commission of doctors and medical experts to identify waste, fraud and abuse in the health care system
• Requires large employers to cover their employees and individuals who can afford it to buy insurance so everyone shares in the responsibility of reform

Now exerts that I just shared from the White House website is not what I was looking for. What I really wanted to see was how the bill will be drafted in Congress, but since it has yet to make it to the floor, I will with what I have.

Now the President's plan is extremely ambitious. After reading it, I see the good but I see it as very idealistic as well.

The President wants to force insurance companies to continue medical coverage for people even after they exhausted their benefits. Most insurance companies will only allow you a certain amount of doctor, clinic or emergency visits a year. After you reached your max, the insurance company has the legal right to deny you coverage. So what happens if you get sick and need additional coverage? Critics of the President's plan say you have the option of going to the Emergency Room. Let's say you have the flu and need antibiotics and you go to the Emergency Room. Well working for a hospital, I know they charge you $500 just to see there and see a Triage nurse. If you leave before you see a doctor then we will just bill your insurance company. If the insurance company decides to pay the bill they will give the hospital around 65% of the total bill and then we just write off the balance. Case #2 the insurance company denies your claim. The hospital comes after you for the entire balance. If they gave you 2 Motrin for pain the hospital will bill you and expect payment. The patient is responsible for the entire bill, but what if you cannot pay? We give you six months of harassing phone calls and then we either send your bill to collections or the attorney general. The lucky ones go to collections. The New York State Attorney General will harass, stalk and threaten till a payment arrangement is made. If that doesn't work they just garnish your wages, put freezes on all of your assets and take your tax return. If you speak with an opponent of the President’s plan the first response to my rant on the high cost of health care is for the uninsured to go out and get a better paying job with better benefits. For anyone that has been unemployed knows doing this can be difficult.

The Exchange:

I honestly did not know the evil “public option” is when I read this. When created a forum for people to shop for what type of coverage is appropriate for them. After reading that, I am stunned at the people that accuse the President of Socialism and Communism. Initially I am stunned that people believe it to be the same thing. When I get over that shock, I am frightened that people think that nationalized health care was socialist. The President is giving Americans a choice. Choice and competition are two fundamental aspects of Capitalism. With competition, comes better service and innovation because the forerunner will have the best product available. I am not a student of Marx or Russian history but I do know that Stalin wouldn’t allow any option. Under Communism, everyone has the exact same coverage and there was no room for criticism. Critics of the Russian government under Stalin were either killed or sent to prison camps in Siberia. If only we could banish critics to frozen barren tundra never to be heard from again (cough, cough Alaska).

The last two points I’m conflicted on. I do not agree on a creating an independent commission of doctors to examine fraud. We have enough government agencies that are largely ineffective and sorry Mr. President I do not agree with you creating another one. The important part to this piece of legislature is to require large companies to provide health insurance for their employees. To the opponents of the President’s plan I ask, “Do you enjoy walking into a Wal-Mart or Target and having everyday household items available to you at low affordable prices?” If there response is yes my next question would be, “Do you value Americans?” The only reason why families such as the Walton’s (who own Wal-Mart) are among America’s wealthiest is because they sell refurbished good at a low cost while exploiting their employees. They are able to provide the middle class American $200 lap tops on Black Friday by paying their employees nothing and providing no benefits. There is value in everyone; the employees of Wal-Mart and Target provide a service that many Americans would chose not to do. For that kind of sacrifice, is it wrong to expect decent coverage if they fall ill?

The bigger problem in this country goes beyond health care. The bigger problem is the rhetoric and this constant abuse of free speech. I can understand being fundamentally against health care reform but instead of working to create a bill that will compromise both sides politicians fight their battles on television. Congressmen and Senators are elected promising to represent and voice the opinions and concerns of the district or state they represent. Michelle Bachmann spends more time on Fox News then she does in Washington D.C doing the job she was elected and paid to do. Of course since she goes on television and preaches the gospel according to Glenn Beck her constituents feel she is doing her job.

While the battle continues, people get sick and die. Whether you support the President’s plan or not be informed on what he is trying to do. Read what he plans for himself and do not listen to the people who are seeking political gain, because you never know when the Attorney General will call for payment.

The World Is Ruled By Sex

I have alot to day these days but so little time to write about it. I do miss the days of wireless internet access when the feeling to write took me all I had to do was pick up my laptop. I don't have the same desire to sit at my desk and type. I don't get inspired here. I would love a new desk, a new chair and even a bigger apartment to convey my thoughts. One thing at a time I guess. It took a long time for me to get my own space and I got it so I guess it will take me a while to get a bigger space. Even if I get that better job in Journalism then I would pay off some bills before moving on. If plans happen as they should (we make plans and God laughs)


I digress...

I saw this picture today and it instantly made me sad. I see a girl who grew up a little different. Different when you get older can make you quirky but not her kind of different. Growing up in South Africa I'm sure her parents did not have the access to the medical attention we have in the United States. They had a child saw she had a vagina and said "It's a Girl!" They raised her as a girl despite the mixed gender characteristics she possessed. She had a talent for running, so like any good parent they encouraged her to run. Not only to run but to be the best. She was the best and won the medals to prove it. Now it will be taken away from her. (I wonder how they couldn't see dude looks like a lady)


As much TLC and Discovery Health I watch I've seen documentaries on hermaphrodites. I was going to link you to the Wikipedia page on the subject but much to my surprise now in humans its called intersexuality. I wanted to write about this but as I get into the subject I don't know what to say. I don't know how she feels. I was born a woman. No confusion. I developed as a woman some say rather quickly (I was the only B cup in 6th grade). Not only am I a woman I never wanted to be a guy. I never had the confusion of feeling like a man trapped in a woman's body. I'm getting off the subject a bit but I just wonder how did she/he not know. I wonder if she/he ever attempted a relationship with a man/woman.

I guess my point is gender is socialized. Sexuality is socialized. Our gender roles are pre determined by society. It's a shame. She/he looks like a nice person. In America we force the parents to chose which sex they want to raise their child. Her/his parents didn't know they had that option. I wonder which one would they chose. Sexuality is very much socialized. Since Caster now fits into both categories who does he/she marry. If she picks a girl does that make her a lesbian? Not really. But since she has internal testes if she picks a man does that make her gay? Not really since she was raised to be a girl.

I guess all I'm trying to say is I feel bad for her/him. She has this great talent but no place to show or compete for it.

----------------
Listening to: Bee Gees - More Than a Woman
via FoxyTunes

Siena Blaze on Shuffle

The rules are simple. I’m going to put my iPod on shuffle and write about the first 10 songs that play. Some of these will be really stupid or have nothing to do with the song but hey, who doesn’t like to hear me go off on a tangent.

Directly taken from Sean's blog I decided to do this because music is such a part of my life and every song has a story.

Diana Ross "I'm Coming Out"
I have a long love/hate relationship with Diana Ross. I don't feel her to be all that of a singer. I have a lot of music on my I POD just to have. I'm a particular fan of the song. Maybe its time to delete.

Slum Village "Tainted"
Love this song. I can't tell you much about the hip hop or Slum Village. This is one of the songs that began my love affair with Dwele

Fantasia "Sunshine"
Can't comment on this song because I don't think I ever heard it

John Coltrane & Duke Ellington "In a Sentimental Mood"
How many movies has this song been in. It's the lovemaking soundtrack for the middle to upper middle class negro. I think the first time I heard it was on the Cosby Show when Cliff was trying to get at Claire. I remember seeing people actually spoon to it in Love Jones.

Donny Hathaway "A Song for You"
I remember when I was a kid I had a little portable tape player in my room (Eric and I were not allowed to have televisions in our rooms) and that was my source of entertainment. At times, I would listen to Midnight Love on the radio and discovered many old songs for myself and this when I found Donny Hathaway. I remember hearing that song for the first time and thinking wow. I fell in love with the voice more than the actual song. That night I didn't learn the identity of the mystery man and I had no computer to Google it either. For that day forward I kept a blank tape in the cassette player waiting for that song to come back. It took a while and I had my tape ready. And then I heard that piano intro and hit record.

A Tribe Called Quest "Rap Promoter"
I have so many memories associated with The Low End Theory I don't know where to start

Talib Kweli featuring John Legend "Around My Way"
I will admit I only brought this song because it has John Legend. I'm a fan can't help it.

Brandy "Full Moon"
Great song by Brandy. This entire album slept on cause she was knocked up in her fake marriage. Well I'm not a fan of this whole album but the title track is fire.

Patrick Swayze "She's Like the Wind"
I don't know if I would have liked this song if it didn't appear on the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack or been in 4th grade. Good attempt at a singing career

Donnie "Beautiful Me"
I first listened to Donnie when I heard Do you Know. His album had been out about a year when I heard this song and I've been waiting for new material or at least a show ever since. Nothing. People that follow Donnie are the same type of people that make you feel bad because you are not natural or overly ethnic.

The Temptations "Silent Night"
Every Christmas since I can remember my mother played this Temptations Motown Merry Christmas cassette. We lost the tape I brought her the CD. Now we can't find the CD

What's Up What's Happening "T.I"
One of the few current rappers I actually like. I don't really know this song though

I'm over my limit

You should never change how you feel

I wrote this August 15, 2008 and I feel guilty. I don't think I ever fully believed the madness. I never felt like he ever touched a kid but I did want him to fall back a bit. After the first white kid I wanted him to leave them all alone. Mr. Harvey and I shared the same sentiment.

I just wanted Mike to fall back and stop going on tv and talking about the sleep overs with kids. I turned my back on MJ for a spell and now that he is gone I feel terrible.

When I do my community service I will remember fondly Michael and all he did for the world.

3 Minutes

Meant to write more but I had to say something the final minutes of my 20's

HOW IN HOLY FUCK DID THE TIME PASS BY SO QUICKLY

My Life in Photos

I've spent so much time looking at other peoples life through photos and never really spent time looking at my life and my perspective. I've been thinking about it because I'm currently taking Photography for non majors at Stony Brook and our first assignment is to identify what we see.


In this pic I see my #2 Quadisha. To be frank the first time I met Quadisha at our informational I thought who is this stank girl trying to be a Zeta. I hope they don't choose her over me because she was an archonette. I was never more wrong about a person. Behind that sweet smile is a really sweet person that would give her right arm to help someone out. She will make a great social worker because she really does care.











This pic I see my childhood. I remember the countless birthday parties I had and went to and I wonder what goes through their mind. The lives of these children are dramatically different than mine was at that age. I had nothing to worry about and some of the kids in this picture have seen things that I have never seen. One of the things I remember from my childhood was the youth of the adults around me. A couple of dead family members and seeing people not move like they use to really makes you think about your own mortality.





These pics represent one of my deepest fears, not knowing the difference between what I want and what I need. I was recently in a new apartment and yes I needed a new TV. I wanted the 32" flat screen and froze my ass off and almost fought with some yardies as a result. The even bigger irony is the fact that I come home and won't even turn on that TV till 10pm.

It is so true when people say you cannot judge a person that spoils their kids. Josiah is not mine he is just my cousin. And I did go overboard with the presents for a two year old but it was all worth it to see his smile. I remember as I was shopping thinking to myself that he would just look at these items and say ok what now but he didn't. He opened all of his presents that Christmas morning with care and diligence and loved playing with his toys. It was worth being broke for a little while.


My trip to San Diego a few years back. I've always said I've wanted to vacation alone and this trip I pretty much did. Even though I spent the time at Kizzy's spot I spent the days exploring San Diego and TJ on my own. I wonder to myself at times if I spend too much time alone and if that is a good thing. Maybe the more time alone I spend the more guarded and independent I appear to be. Maybe that is what scares off the fellas.



Of course I have hundreds more but many were causaulties of my last hard drive. But with the next five weeks of summer session II there will be more to tell.



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Listening to: Michael Jackson - Human Nature
via FoxyTunes

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

Lately I come home from work and I don't turn on any lights and I don't turn on the TV. I just go straight to the computer and I play around on the internet and I watch and listen to Michael. Now it is no secret that I love Michael and I still mourn his loss but why the obsession?

I think it's two parts to my Michael obsession. First the part that comes from my heart. As far as I can remember my earliest memories involve Michael Jackson. I remember the day we brought the Thriller album and I remember dancing to it with Andrea and Eric in the den. I remember listening to the Jackson's and the Jackson 5. Many of the happiest memories of my childhood were centered around Michael. How do you say thank you to the person that gave up their life so you can have one? I am so grateful for that sacrifice that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

The other part to my MJ obsession is purely selfish. I feel guilty admitting this but I feel almost like I'm doing to MJ in death what so many did to him in life I'm using him as my distraction.

According to Wikipedia denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead. I am in denial. There is much I have to face but chose not to face it. I wonder how I can be aware of my situation but still do little or nothing to fix it.

That is the kicker

Michael Jackson The Ballads

Trying this so people who are not on imeem can listen to my playlist.

Michael Jackson The Ballads

Since You've Been Gone

For the last week I've inundated myself with Michael Jackson. I've watched videos countless times, listened to his music and watched interviews. I now realize that I am not giving the man the peace he wanted so much in life now that he is dead.

Every crazy article that has come out I've read. I've tried to imagine myself as a Jackson as even being close to being that big of a star. I did not think of myself in the public so much as how he was in his private life. What kind of private life can you have when they have to shut down a grocery store so you can just go food shopping.

The truth is I am ashamed. I am ashamed because I am not allowing Michael to do his job. His job was to provide us with music and entertain us and he did that 1000x over. I am ashamed because I feel like I've been using Michael. For the last week the circus around the man gone too soon has been my distraction. It has prevented me from dealing with all the crazy shit I have going on in my life. I've disguised the fact that I avoid all things difficult and painful in my life. Some people think I'm a saint for all the community service and time I give to other people. And for the most part it is selfless but I don't know if I believe anything in this life is completely selfless. Doing work for other people helps me avoid the personal pain. I think I'm being selfish because I feel if Michael was alive today he would gladly trade in my pain for his. There will never be another person in this world that could feel the same pain as Michael. The only other person the peoples Princess knew the same pain as Michael, but she too was taken from us too soon.

What I have to do is stop avoiding and live the life that Michael so much deserved.

Michael,
I pray that you find the peace in death that you could not find in life

Katherine,
I hope your faith gets you through this and I pray for you

Prince Michael, Paris and Prince Michael II
I know how it feels to lose a parent and I pray that the world allows you to mourn in peace

I pray for anyone that has lost a person that is important to them.



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Listening to: Michael Jackson - Gone Too Soon
via FoxyTunes

There’s no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there’s only up and down and down is very close to the ground. And I’m trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I’m thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.

Bob Dylan

Rest In Peace Mr. Jackson

To all the people who are saying negative things about MJ think about yourself. When you die do you want people to remember that one day you accidentally smudged someone's puma and didn't say excuse me? In death we have to remember the good so we can get through the bad

EDIT: I felt the need to clarify this post. When I wrote it I had spent so much time watching the news and people talking about all the issues he had in life instead of remembering the contribution he made to this world and I am angry about it. I have to say for the record I know that man didn't lay a hand on those little boys. The ones that accused him and received money for this I do not wish you harm. I just hope you can rest easy, knowing you killed a man with a family for money.


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Listening to: Michael Jackson - Never Can Say Goodbye

Sorry Blog

I apologize to the blog for no one gets distressed when I do not write.

I hate all the re posts of other articles. I will find some time soon to post something I write. That maybe coming sooner than later.

Sigh...

Did you know when you do a search for "adult" "black" "anal" movies all that comes up are movies with black women that have unusally large buts?

Who do you contact for false advertising? There has to be someone to complain to.

Sigh...

They Needed a Black Guy

Steele In Serious Hot Water With Social Conservatives

Michael's Steele statement of support for an "individual choice" on abortion has provoked deep concern among social conservatives and spurred further speculation that his tenure at the RNC will be brief.

On Wednesday, the RNC Chair walked back a remark he made in an interview with GQ Magazine, declaring unequivocally: "I am pro-life, always have been, always will be." But even with the quick clarification, the damage was done.

On Thursday, several religious right officials and anti-abortion advocates criticized Steele for telling the magazine that he "absolutely" thought abortion was "an individual choice," to be decided at the state level.

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee: "Comments attributed to Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele are very troubling and despite his clarification today the party stands to lose many of its members and a great deal of its support in the trenches of grassroots politics."

Roberta Combs, president of the Christian Coalition: "I'm a little surprised that Michael Steele, being the leader of the Republican Party, is at odds with the pro-life platform, the platform that conservative put in place... If this is his viewpoint, he has made it be known. I'm just surprised that the leader of the party is at odds with the pro-life platform."

Evangelical leader Lou Engle: "Steele's argument that abortion is a matter of "individual choice" is extremely disappointing, especially in light of past statements in which he promised to protect and defend human life. "Steele's remarks to GQ indicate that he may be confused about "choice" and the "law." The law is supposed to protect human life, not permit the taking of it. And, it can never be a "choice" for an individual to take a life."

Tony Perkins, president of Family Research Council: "I read the article last night so I am familiar not only with his comments about the life issue but also about the efforts to redefine marriage and 'mucking' up the Constitution. I expressed my concerns to the chairman earlier this week about previous statements that were very similar in nature. He assured me as chairman his views did not matter and that he would be upholding and promoting the Party platform, which is very clear on these issues. It is very difficult to reconcile the GQ interview with the chairman's pledge."

Talk that this new rhetorical misstep could result in Steele stepping aide was batted down in conversations with several social conservative officials. He should be granted some time to find firm footing, was the usual refrain. But in private, several Republicans expressed bewilderment and frustration with Steele's gaffes and implored him to avoid the media spotlight for the time being. Read More

The Power of the Pu$$Y

Tonight I went to see the Vagina Monologues at my school because my LS had a bit part in it. After hearing some of the experiences that the women interviewed for play I felt bad. I felt bad because there are so many woman who don't know or have never experienced the power of the pu$$y.

I've never really been afraid of mine. I was never the woman to say "I've never looked at my pu$$y", I've been checking it out since high school. Since I went to Catholic School my entire life I was always taught the pu$$y needed to be kept under lock and key until marriage. I did believe that at one time but my pu$$y was a gift that I had no problem sharing with myself.

I can't recall when I started gifting myself, I just remember the practice escalating when I lived in Albany. I felt free there especially when no one was living in the room across the hall. Not only can I gift myself but I could express how happy I was about and no one would know.

That was then and this is now. At almost 30 years old I don't care who knows what I do. Gifting myself has made every experience I've had with a man 1000x better. I know what works and what doesn't. Even though I know what works for me I never reveal for the exploration, anticipation and buildup to what is coming is more exciting than the actual act at times.

I feel sorry for women who never gift themselves and I feel especially sorry for women who have never experienced an orgasm. I've had orgasms before, by myself and with guy but never during sex. I came pretty close with the ex but that was more effort on my part than his. That doesn't bother me should it really matter how you arrive at a destination as long as you get there.

I am always open to sharing my experiences with other females but I suppose I scare other women off my enthusiasm. Instead of being scared I would see it as a motivation but that's just me. Women also bug out when I start talking about porn. Some people like comedies and dramas so do I. But I also enjoy adult film. That should not be embarrassing. If I had a man and the only problem I had is that he liked porn I would find myself to be lucky.

It's ironic that I went to this play today because the last two sex dreams I've had intrigued me. The first one was a while back when I was with the ex. I was enjoying myself with a very tall dark skin man and the ex was watching. The other dream happened recently. An attractive student came by the office and we chatted for a bit and then he left. Later that night I had a dream this student was having a job performed on him. I can tell by the hair that it was a girl but I have no idea who it was. I was fixated on how much he enjoyed the experience. Have I evolved past porn into voyeurism? Maybe one day I will stop writing in this blog and convey these concerns to a professional.

Until then...do not deny the power of the CUNT.



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Listening to: Janet Jackson - Any Time, Any Place
via FoxyTunes

Hey There....Hold Up Wait a Minute

When you care too much,

Hello all,

Now Hey there lonely girl post tonight because there are more pressing matters at hand. I have a friend that is in trouble and I can't get a hold of her. It's very difficult when you care too much. There are days where I wish I was more like some of my sisters. My sisters have this amazing ability to separate situations but some things I cannot.

Another thing that bothers me is up until a few hours ago I was in a pretty good mood but now the worry.

If none of this makes sense to you good then I've done my job. Not everything is meant to be put on the Internet. I can't talk about this situation in depth because the situation is not particular to me. This issue involves other people so out of respect for others privacy I remain cryptic.

I've always wondered what goes through the mind of a selfish person. And I'm not saying I am completely selfless I have my moments but there are some people who act with no regard. I wonder how you come to that decision. Sometimes I wonder why I regard others when I make my decisions.

Blog I better stop writing. My mind is traveling in all sorts of directions and I do have an exam to prepare for and sleep to catch up on.



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Listening to: Phil Collins - Against All Odds
via FoxyTunes

Music I love

As a fan of R&B music I wanted to share some of my obvious favorites with the blogosphere.

Amy Winehouse Frank

My favorite song of the moment of the album Frank. It changes with my mood. If you haven't listened to Frank you are losing in your life.

Eric Roberson Softest Lips

Deborah Bond

Tortured Soul

Dwele Kick Out of You

Hey There Lonely Girl Valentine's Edition

I'm going to keep this short even though I have a lot to write about. Today was a good day. I thought about my Dad. Every year on Valentine's Day he always brought me a silk white rose and a box of chocolate. I won't go into why it was silk but my Dad knew what he was doing. That is just for the next guy to figure out.



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Listening to: P!nk - Don't Let Me Get Me
via FoxyTunes

24: Day 7 - People who need to Die

If you watch 24 you should not take the fact that you need to die personally. Just ask
whats his name.

My man Jack is a results kind of guy. When your a results kind of guy shit occasionally has to happen. Sometimes foreign consulates have to be attacked, witnesses must be shot or even the wives of suspects.

Jack can wrap this day up rather quickly by offing the following interruptions, hindrances etc. to the plan.

Madame President

For the President she sure is way too trusting and is always the last to know. Most importantly she doesn't know about Jack Bauer. When you become president Jack Bauer's resume needs to be in the White House welcome pamphlet. Get it together or Jack shoot her.

FBI Assistant Director in Charge Larry Moss

He questioned Jack, his rules and his motives. He is very lucky Jack didn't do him like he had to do Curtiss

FBI Special Agent Renee Walker

You are no Jack Bauer. Your feelings and crap are going to get the best of you and get in the way of what needs to be done.

Now I'm not going to add the villains to this list because we need to give Jack some kind of purpose, but I'm sure as the day goes on this list will grow.

Current Mood: ....

I should say ill because I've been sitting in my bed for the last week because of this damn bronchitis of mine. I've thought about writing but between the coughing and the fever I just didn't have it in me to.

I think since I've had my bloggers turrets that this has probably been the longest period of time that I've gone without writing anything. There is not even a saved draft some where that just needs a few finishing touches before being published.

It's ironic to me that every area of your life never seems to gel exactly when they should be. I am grateful for the small advances that have been made.

SIDE NOTE: I need to get out of this bed and back into the world of the living. I can't believe how much t&a they are showing during primetime. Nor can I believe I am watching it and the fact that I am caught up in the drama that is Dr. 90210

I guess I will pay more attention to the positive in my life. There is way too much crazy going on in the world for me not to. This week I finally put a deposit down to go to Shana's wedding which I am looking forward to. From July 9 - July 13 I will be in DR doing an early 30th b day celebration and I'm going to do it big. I am so happy to go. Not because I will be staying at the five star resort that is Paradisus Palma Real but because Shana is like family. I've known this girl most of my life and now she is getting married. I am so grateful to have this family in my life even though I know her mother is going to drive me nuts. That is Mrs. Ashwood's purpose in life after all.

What do you buy the bride you are spending over a $1,000 dollars to go to their wedding? We shall see and I shall keep you posted.



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Listening to: Slum Village - Reunion (feat. J. Dilla)
via FoxyTunes

Will Obama have to be better because he's black?

(CNN) -- Just days before he was sworn in, President Obama was giving his daughters a tour of the Lincoln Memorial when one of them pointed to a copy of Abraham Lincoln's second inaugural address carved into the wall.

Obama's 7-year-old daughter, Sasha, told her father that Lincoln's speech was really long. Would he have to give a speech as long? Obama's answer was completed by his older daughter, 10-year-old Malia.

"I said, 'Actually, that one is pretty short. Mine may even be a little longer,' " Obama told CNN recently. "At which point, Malia turns to me and says, 'First African-American president, better be good.' "

The story is light-hearted, but it touches on a delicate question: Will people hold Obama to a different standard because he is the first African-American president?

Americans appear split by race on that answer. According to a CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll, 53 percent of blacks say the American public will hold Obama to a higher standard than past presidents because he is black. Most whites -- 61 percent -- say Obama's race will not matter in how he will be judged.

The question divided several people who were racial pioneers themselves.

Alexander Jefferson was one of the first blacks allowed to become a fighter pilot. He was a member of the Tuskegee Airmen, a group of black pilots who escorted bombers in World War II.

"We had to be twice as good to be average," he says.

Obama won't face the same pressures he did because his presidential predecessor was so inept, Jefferson says.

"No, the world is ready for him," he says. "The [George W.] Bush debacle was so depressing."

Jefferson was shot down by ground fire on his 19th mission and spent a year in German prison camps. He wrote about his POW experiences in "Red Tail Captured, Red Tail Free: Memoirs of a Tuskegee Airman and POW."

Jefferson says he dealt with the pressures of being a racial pioneer by drawing on the strength of black leaders who opened doors for him.

"I sit on the backs of everyone who came before me," says Jefferson, who attended Obama's inauguration with other Tuskegee Airmen.

Jefferson says he would have emotionally imploded if he'd thought too much about the pressures of representing all blacks and dealing with the racism he encountered when he returned home to a segregated America after the war.

"I did what I had to do so I didn't go stark-raving mad," he says. "There wasn't all this self-analysis and back and forth. I was too damn busy with a wife, a child and a mortgage."

Michele Andrea Bowen couldn't avoid a bout of constant self-analysis. She was one of the first African-American students admitted to a doctorate program in history at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

"I know Obama is going to be held to a different standard," says Bowen, author of "Up at the College" and books such as "Holy Ghost Corner," which celebrate black faith and culture.

Bowen says she faced relentless scrutiny, and so will Obama.

"You know that it was hard for you to get in it, and you know they're watching you," Bowen says. "And you know that they're judging you by a critical standard that's sometimes not fair."

Bowen says a white classmate, her partner in dissertation, once confided to her that he received the same grades as she did, even though he knew his work was inferior.

"It toughened me up," Bowen says. "It can give you headaches and stomachaches. I learned you have to be thankful that God blessed you with that opportunity. At some point, you stop worrying, and you trust God."

'Would Bush have been president if he were black?'

Perhaps Obama will avoid those stomachaches because of the massive good will his election has generated. But that could change quickly if Obama makes a controversial decision or a mistake, says Andrew Rojecki, co-author of "The Black Image in the White Mind: Media and Race in America."

Rojecki says people who say Obama isn't going to be held to a different standard because of his skin color didn't pay attention to his campaign.

He says Obama had to deal with challenges that other candidates didn't have to face. Obama's run for office was almost ended by his association with his minister, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, whose incendiary sermons shocked many.

But Republican presidential nominee John McCain's relationship with the Rev. John Hagee, who was accused of anti-Semitism, never threatened to end his campaign, Rojecki says.

"Obama was held responsible for what his minister said, and McCain was associated with Hagee, but somehow that didn't stick," says Rojecki, a communication professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

Even people who regard themselves as the most progressive, open-minded supporters may subconsciously hold Obama to a different standard, Rojecki says.

He says several academic studies show that it often takes people longer to associate good qualities to blacks when different faces are flashed across a screen.

"They have these stereotypes buried in their subconscious," he says. "That's why people cross the street when they see a young black man. They'd rather not take a chance."

Obama virtually had to be perfect to overcome those stereotypes, Rojecki says. He was the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, he has an Ivy League-educated wife and adorable daughters, and he ran a great campaign.

"He's the perfect symbol of achievement," Rojecki says.

White candidates for office don't have to have an uninterrupted life of achievement to be considered for the Oval Office, Rojecki says.

"If George W. Bush were black, do you think he would be president?" Rojecki says.

Jefferson, the Tuskegee Airman, says Obama should have at least one consolation. The problems he confronts now are so immense that anyone, even someone who was considered by many to be perfect, would not be able to escape withering judgment.

"If the president was Jesus Christ, '' Jefferson says, "they would still debate if he's qualified."
SOURCE

Hey There Lonely Girl

I'm home tonight and it's by choice so I will keep this brief. I am supposed to be at the Tortured Soul show but stayed home because of work in the morning.

I'm sure I will get to see them the next time they are in town.


EDIT: Just found out Tortured Soul goes on at 1:30. Yeah glad I stayed home.



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Listening to: Tortured Soul - Love Everlasting
via FoxyTunes

The 44th President of the United States

Today I stood in the hallway of my office and witnessed something I never thought I would see. Today like every major event in my life was bittersweet. As elated as I am by this change in America I miss my father and so many others terribly. There is so much I'm feeling right now and maybe I will write more later. Now I pray for our president and his family.

The Speech

My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition. Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet. These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights. Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics. We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness. In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom. For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth. For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn. Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction. This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed.

Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do. Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage. What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government. Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good. As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more. Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint. We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations.

We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you. For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist. To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all. For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate. Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true.

They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. This is the price and the promise of citizenship. This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny. This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath. So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people: “Let it be told to the future world…that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive…that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it].” America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.