Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Last Post of 08

Well what can I say.

I actually committed to this blog. There was a lot that I wrote about and quite a bit I left out. When I was really sad around the holidays I only really hinted around those feelings around my Dad's birthday. I have an hour till the movie starts so I guess I better get to work on the last post of the year.

January - July
An interesting few months. Didn't write a damn thing but I remember one thing from the time in my life. I decided in February that I didn't want to be single anymore and I was going to try online dating. So I put up a profile on match.com. There were a few guys that I talked to and the one I ignored for a month. Like always the one I liked for a month became my boyfriend for three months and I fell for him hard. Those three months I felt a peace that I haven't felt in quite sometime. I had problems but they didn't seem so bad. Then my day it was over and I still don't think I'm right. During this time my relationship with my mother became further strained because of her "friend". I know in my heart if I continued to live here my relationship with my mom would have beyond repair. Now I miss her when I don't speak to her or see her. Sometimes distance is the only thing that can help a relationship.

August
I had a lot of emotions this month I cried, and cried, and cried. We said goodbye to two great men and real change started to come.

September
I decided to get help this month. The financial kind. Lynette gave me an early Christmas present she said I can be OK with what I have. I'm still working on the plan she set up for me but Rome was not built in a day and I will not be financially responsible overnight but 09 is coming and change is coming. So the search became a reality

October
I got the place and school was kicking my but this month so I didn't write much. I must say during this time I was doing very well.

November
My life changed in November in so many ways. I moved out, I voted and with one election I was forever changed. The election changed me not because of its historical importance but changed me because I truly feel that "Yes We Can". I recall the day I cast my vote and how I held back the tears after I pulled the lever. I cried because I never thought I would live to see the day and I cried for all the people who are gone who would have been overjoyed by this election. President elect Barack Obama changed me. He showed me a man of character and integrity. When I have kids I want them to know about this man. After the election I watched all the television shows and the pundits especially the ones the marched with Dr. King. Vernon Jordan, Andrew Young and many others. All of them said to the President elect run for President but not now. America is not ready for a black first family. I felt the same way to where I ardently supported Senator (soon to be Secretary of State) Hillary Clinton. I'm sure everyone told this man the same thing. But he had a dream that became a dream fulfilled for so many people. My kids are going to know that you can do what ever you want no matter who tells you can't. I will sing the praise of our President for the rest of my life, no matter what his presidency brings us.

December
This month I was sad. It's the holidays and unfortunately its a scathing reminder of all you've lost. This month is no longer about giving and the birth of Christ. It's about staying in the black, posting big sales and restoring consumer confidence. I learned first hand what people will do for a material object. I pray for the family that is mourning a loss New Year's Eve and the life gone too soon. December I realized I want to be alone and need to be alone but I hate feeling lonely.

This is a much shorter year in review than I wanted but that is okay. Next year I hope to continue to write and get my emotions out in a healthy way. Even though I shared a lot on this blog I'm glad I did it because writing kept me from doing something stupid. I'm going to be 30 next year and I'm going to celebrate. Not because it's 30 and its considered a milestone birthday. I'm going to celebrate for all the people who will never get to celebrate a 30th birthday. Hopefully some of the personal changes I want for myself will at least start to come true.

Well I better get dressed for the movie. Brad Pitt here I come.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Happy Birthday Mom

You made roti on your birthday.


You love to make your children feel guilty, your good at it.


We love you anyway, even though you allowed the demon children into our house.

Black Women Walking

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas




I got a bag of crap!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Words of Wisdom from Janey (My big fat Edit)

One of my favorite Okayplayers posted this and I needed to repost


Remember that the person we are most able and likely to hurt is the person who
is closest to us, and therefore that is the person we should take the MOST care
with. It always freaks me out when I see people who are more considerate of
virtual strangers than they are of their partners -- you know, people who would
never be late for a business meeting but who keep their spouse waiting all the
time. Knowing that it is almost inevitable that you'll hurt the person you love
the most should make us all more cautious and caring.

Remember to
express love & gratitude. That goes a long way at the inevitable fuck up.

This was my sentiment. I've always wondered this but I don't have the age, wisdom or eloquence of janey to express this. I always wonder this because it's Christmas and even though I know what will happen it still hurts when it does.

It's Christmas Eve and I know another little piece of me will crumble tomorrow. As always, I don't have much money but I make it a point to buy my brother a present every year. All I'm able to get is a $25 gift card but I know this is best because all the previous presents sit in the closet. I know that is what he prefers anyway. I went to the mall yesterday to buy his gift and I actually wrapped the gift card and placed it under the tree. My Mom went to Kohl's today and saw some slippers she thought he would like and today Tiffany and I wrapped it so tomorrow morning he will know his mother and sister thought of him. I'm sure he will also find a gift from Andrea and Tiffany.

Since my brother hasn't left his room since he returned from work I know we are not at the top of his list of people to buy for. The last time my brother thought to buy me anything for Christmas was the year my Dad died. Since I was in the hospital from December 24 - 28, who knows if that gift was waiting for me Christmas morning or not. Every year since then, my brother has said to me, "I will have to wait until after Christmas to buy a gift for the family" After Christmas comes and we are all still waiting for a gift.

You should never measure how much a person cares for you by the amount of the gift. Even though my brother was always an asshole to us before we could have counted on him for something. He used to be generous around Christmas. That is no more.

Like janey could never understand the person that is on time for their business meeting but keeps their spouse waiting I could never understand the unwavering devotion my brother has for his friends. He expects us (the family) to do everything for him with nothing in return.

Even though its been several years I will never forget when his friend moved into his own apartment. He spent the weekend helping him paint. I moved out of this house two weeks ago and even though I didn't ask for the help the offer never came.

Let's re visit Black Friday this same friend brought a television that could not fit into the car. We wanted to bring my mother's mini van but for some reason he didn't. I said to my brother, "Let me take you home so you can come back with the van". My brother said no he wasn't leaving his friend alone and felt it was easier for me to drive to my house drop off my car and then bring the van back. Despite the fact that I was tired, cold and hungry. I did get less sleep than he did. Someone had to save a space on the line.

I would be lying if I said my brother never did anything for me. He has occasionally pulled through in the past. If we are to list the things I brother has done for me versus the list of things that I needed him and he wasn't there the latter would be greater. Not only would the latter be greater but grief would be listed several times.

Edit:

My brother did buy me a Christmas card and it was lovely and I was very greatful

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

You Still Exist ?

Why are people still talking to this fool?

Report: Joe the Plumber Says McCain 'Appalled' Him
Joe Wurzelbacher says he felt "dirty" after "seeing some of the things that take place" on the campaign trail.

'Joe the Plumber' told conservative radio host Glenn Beck on Tuesday that he felt "dirty" after hitting the campaign trail with Republican presidential nominee John McCain and "seeing some of the things that take place," Politico reported.
Joe Wurzelbacher said he was specifically put off by McCain when it came to talk of the $700 billion bailout.
"When I was on the bus with him, I asked him a lot of questions about the bailout because most Americans did not want that to happen," Wurzelbacher told Beck. "I asked him some pretty direct questions. Some of the answers you guys are gonna receive they appalled me, absolutely. I was angry. In fact, I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him."
Wurzelbacher said he stayed on the trail with McCain "honestly, because the thought of Barack Obama as president scares me even more."
Wurzelbacher, however, offered kind words to McCain running mate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.
"Sarah Palin is absolutely the real deal," he said.
SOURCE

Sarah Palin is the real deal? I really don't have the words to respond to this.

Monday, December 08, 2008

The Definition of Insanity

I was once told that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I'm sure I have written about this before in blogger past and maybe when I have more time I will go back and look but in today's stupid news...

I looked at him today. His face only existed in my mind because I destroyed any hard evidence I had but I searched and I looked at him today. I saw that he is continuing to move on. And by the looks of it he hasn't found anyone yet. Then I ask why? Why is he looking for someone when he could have been with me? He said he wanted to be my friend but cut me out of his life so easily. And I tried not to let my family interfere but I had to keep it real. I put my entire self out there with him because it seemed like the right thing to do. No games I decided and I put myself out there because I wanted to believe that he was the one. He was so much like my Dad. I wanted to believe in the adage you will end up with a man like your father. My father was wonderful. He wasn't always the perfect husband but that is okay because I am not looking for the perfect man.

I will try to remain positive but for now I am just going to be sad.



----------------
Now playing: Al Green - How Can You Mend a Broken Heart
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Hey There Lonely Girl

Another Saturday night at home what to do. Can't talk too much politics not a whole lot going on that I can criticize. I need a hobby. Taking suggestions.

Mrs. O's Dress Part Duex






Diane VonFurstenberg

We all know what she is famous for, the wrap dress and she took it to another level with this one. I think this a great look for her. Well it would be a great states dinner dress but maybe not the inaugural ball.




















Michael Kors

Because of Project Runway I love this man. I'm biased with this dress. It's stunning. It's royal. It's blue.


















Oscar DeLaRenta

This a beautiful dress but I don't think the flowers are appropriate. This dress would be better if it were maybe two toned. All black on top and white towards the bottom





More later....

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Mrs. O

You know what one of my favorite things about Barack Obama is, Michelle. She is the symbol that Black women have needed for a long time. I will laude Michelle later I came here to discuss her fashion.

After that awful dress she was wearing the night President-elect Obama won she needs to step her game up. Several designers have submitted sketches for her attire for inauguration day and I just want to post my favorite.










Monique Lhuillier
I love her dresses. If I ever marry rich I would probably shop at her store and not have a problem dropping the 20 grand. There is something almost regal about this dress. It's different. Mrs. O needs to stand out









Carolina Herrera
Another classic designer. I love the color of this dress and the cut. Mrs. O is tall so she can pull a look like this off. I can see her wearing this with a white fur stole (faux fur we can't piss off PETA). The color would bounce off her complexion unlike any other first lady.








Badgley Mischka
These two can sew. One of the common factors in their designs are their appropriate use of beading. It's never gawdy or overdone. Love the dress not crazy about the color.















Christian Lacroix
Love it Love it Love it. I hate the fact that he drew her like a black Cruella Devile but the dress is a knockout.

Must leave work now. Will create a another post for the rest there are many more.

When you Really Have Nothing to Say

Last month I wrote a post on Why We Blog. Quick recap: Queen Latifah says any idiot that wants attention has a voice and a vehicle to do so. That brings me to this gentlemen, Mo Kelly.

I didn't read his blog (I was kind of disappointed to see a pundit with a radio show have a domain on blogspot but that is just my opinion). I will read his blog just when I have the time. From first glance it doesn't seem like he writes much there was just a bunch of reposted articles. I had to email him. If you go to his blog he said a few unfavorable things about my organization. I'm not going to post them but you can look if you so chose.

Dear Mr. Kelly,

While I respect your right to have an opinion and an avenue to express it, I must say I am disheartened by the articles you wrote about my organization.
This letter is not in pro Sheryl. This is about moving forward about supporting an organization that has committed itself to uplifting and helping the community and not continue to break it down.
I attended our Boule held this past summer in Las Vegas, NV as a voting delegate for my chapter. Even though I did not cast a vote for Soror Underwood when the election results were announced I respected the decision of the voting body. I understand that some of my sorors have issue with the results and I respect their decision to voice that opinion and act accordingly. Now that the courts have spoken it is necessary to move on and move forward.
You address Soror Underwood’s decision to post the findings of the lawsuit on the International website. As you are aware that court proceedings are public record and anyone who wanted this information would be able to obtain if they chose. Even though we are a sisterhood Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc is a business with corporate partnerships and affiliations. If you were a business person that wanted to work with an organization would you proceed knowing the organization had a pending lawsuit that was not resolved? You have unfairly judged Soror Underwood for posting sorority business. Have you visited the websites for other NPHC organizations? There are other groups that have lists of their members who were suspended. One website had the names of the members on probation suspended or expelled. There is even a section of ones that are banned from application. Natasha Starks is not the first person to be expelled from our organization or any organization and she will not be the last.
I do not know how extensive your knowledge is of Black Greek History but in January 1913 a group of women did not like the direction that the sorority was going. They met, changed the name, colors and motto for the organization. Senior members threatened this group of women with expulsion if they did not cease their activities. On January 13, 1913 those members were expelled from Alpha Kappa Alpha and Delta Sigma Theta was born.
Upheaval within an organization is not a new concept. It happens in mine and I’m sure it happens in other groups as well.
We need to move forward and remain positive in these rough times. Unless you have a crystal ball and no for a fact that Sheryl will fail then don’t judge her based on things she hasn’t done. If she fails at her job, at our next Boule I will vote accordingly.


What Would Jack Bauer Do?

Mr. O'Reilly recently gave a commentary called "Obama and your life" to make a long winded rant short, he said and used these words "Left wing loons are blocking torture and because of that your going to die"


Who are these left wing loons? I say What would Jack Bauer do to get information from a terrorist? That is how we need to handle the people who want to kill us.


I don't have an issue with torture. What I do have issue with and this is something the right will never understand is they cannot clearly define who a terrorist is. My cousin who looks more like the Indian side of my family gets mistaken for a terrorist all the time. Under Right Wing rule would I have to worry about walking down the street with my cousin and being swept up by the CIA for associating with a possible terrorist? That is the issue I have with torture the innocent people that get caught up in the madness and for some reason it happens too often under Republican watch. Yes once in a while Jack Bauer shots someone he shouldn't but he makes up for it at the end of the day.


I feel like the comedians these days. I remember a month ago Bill Maher and Jay Leno complaining that having a President that is brilliant makes it hard to make fun of him and the jokes will suffer.


I completely understand that now. I mean I'm going to foxnews for material is that not sad? What will I write about if I'm not outraged by something the President does? You can exalt someones praises so much. I do feel that when Obama finishes his cabinet selections and they pass through the Senate nominating committee that he should round them up and take a picture like this one. Rahm needs to be in it to.





Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Happy Birthday Daddy

First I would like to say this. I came home tonight to spend time with my family because it is my father's birthday and my Mom said she wanted me home. I came home to an empty house. I'm not saying my family should sit in a room all day and cry but damn stop acting like you need me so much. My brother doesn't think of these things. He generally doesn't think of anyone but himself but he has always been like that so the fact that he is not home does not surprise me. My Mom had her chapter meeting tonight which she said was going to be short. It was supposed to start at 7:00 and it's 8:59. I know better. I have my own chapter meeting tomorrow night and I know they are never short.

My Dad would have been 68 today if he were still alive. (I often wonder how long will I continue to do that. For example will I say in 40 years Dad would have been 108 today) My Auntie Len would have called today to wish him Happy Birthday and they would have talked and laughed and it would have filled the room. I will never forget the day I came home 5 years ago and my mom told me my Auntie Len was dead. I will never forget the fact that she called me a few weeks before and I said I would call her over the holidays. I would have loved to know what she wanted to say to me but I guess I never will.

My Auntie Len wanted me to move to Baton Rouge and live with her while I attended college. I wish I had the strength and the courage to make such a bold move. She would have treated my 19 year old irresponsible self as a child. I would have had a curfew but probably had the flyest gpa coming. She would have probably married me off by now and I would have popped out three or four kids like Franka did. She would have baby sat and would given my children all the love one can possibly give. She was that kind of lady. If I lived in the South my father would have probably came to stay with me for months at a time. He would have loved my kids too. He was that kind of guy.

Today I think of two people that I lost that were so dear to me. I know they will never know my children and my children won't know how wonderful they were.
















































































Stephanie Mills Home
When I think of homeI think of a resting place
A place where theres peace, quiet, and serenity
And thats where some of my friends have gone
Friends who have traveled with me through my wonderful experience in Oz
A journey Ill never forget
When I think of home, I think of a place
Wheres theres love overflowing
I wish I was home, I wish I was back there
With the things Ive been knowing
Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning
Suddenly the raindrops that fall they have a meaning
Sprinklin the scene
Makes it all clean(When I think of home)
Maybe theres a chance for me to go back
Now that I have some direction(Maybe theres a chance Ill get home)
It sure would be nice to be back at home
Where theres love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Givin me enough time, ooh, in my life to grow up
Time be my friend
And let me start again
Suddenly my worlds gone and change its fate
And I still know where Im going
I have had my mind spun round in space
And watched it growing
And oh, if youre listening, God, please dont make it hard
To know if we should believe the things that we see
Tell us should we try and stay or should we run away (Should we run away)
Or will it be better just to let things, let them be, oh
Livin here in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But its taught me to love, oh, yeah
And its real, its so real, its real to me
And Ive learned that we must look
Inside our hearts to find
A world full of love
Like yours, like mine
Like home
Like, like home(When I think of home)
My friends smilin down on me
Givin me their energy, oh(When I think of home)I think of a peaceful world and joy
All around me, yeah(When I think of home)And love that we share can never
Never, ever be taken away from me, yeah, yeah, yeah(When I think of home)I just sit down and think
And gets on down in my bone, bone, yeah(When I think of home)I can hear my friends tellin me
Stephanie, please sing my song
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna tell you what its all about

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Do You Know What Today Is...

It's our Zetaversary!!!

I'm 2 and I can't believe it. A few weeks ago I was hanging out at the Sigma suite and I was actually the oldest in the room. I was hanging out with a bunch of neos (with sand behind the ears)


We've had good times and bad but I wouldn't replace any of you. Thanks for the memories.


March of Dimes - Spring 2007



NYS State Meeting - May 2007. Aleicia is missing




Spring 07 - Mu Delta Chapter's Probate





Me and My favorite Sigma

and the reason for it all





Monday, December 01, 2008

Remissed

I feel that way for failing to acknowledge the fact that people were terrorized this past weekend and it was more serious than the laptop that was on sale.

Life in Pictures

This made me chuckle

Police: Man Shot Sister's Boyfriend With Arrow
Monday, December 01, 2008

WASHINGTON COURT HOUSE, Ohio — Police say a southern Ohio man twice shot at his sister's boyfriend with a bow and arrow, missing the first time but grazing the man's head and wounding him on the second try.
Washington Court House police say James Wilson burst into the home of 47-year-old David Routte early Sunday morning and kicked in the door to the bedroom where Routte was sleeping.
Police say Wilson was upset with Routte for how he was treating Wilson's sister. A police report says Wilson's first shot lodged in a pillow.
Police spokesman Jeff Ruth says the second shot could easily have killed Routte, who later received stitches at Fayette County Memorial Hospital.
Police say Wilson is facing a felonious assault charge. Phone numbers for Wilson and Routte could not be found in online directories.
SOURCE

Edit: Imagine your sitting at home chilling and some enraged dude comes after you with a bow and arrow. Damn no video. I'm still laughing at this.