Words of Wisdom from Janey (My big fat Edit)

One of my favorite Okayplayers posted this and I needed to repost

Remember that the person we are most able and likely to hurt is the person who
is closest to us, and therefore that is the person we should take the MOST care
with. It always freaks me out when I see people who are more considerate of
virtual strangers than they are of their partners -- you know, people who would
never be late for a business meeting but who keep their spouse waiting all the
time. Knowing that it is almost inevitable that you'll hurt the person you love
the most should make us all more cautious and caring.

Remember to
express love & gratitude. That goes a long way at the inevitable fuck up.

This was my sentiment. I've always wondered this but I don't have the age, wisdom or eloquence of janey to express this. I always wonder this because it's Christmas and even though I know what will happen it still hurts when it does.

It's Christmas Eve and I know another little piece of me will crumble tomorrow. As always, I don't have much money but I make it a point to buy my brother a present every year. All I'm able to get is a $25 gift card but I know this is best because all the previous presents sit in the closet. I know that is what he prefers anyway. I went to the mall yesterday to buy his gift and I actually wrapped the gift card and placed it under the tree. My Mom went to Kohl's today and saw some slippers she thought he would like and today Tiffany and I wrapped it so tomorrow morning he will know his mother and sister thought of him. I'm sure he will also find a gift from Andrea and Tiffany.

Since my brother hasn't left his room since he returned from work I know we are not at the top of his list of people to buy for. The last time my brother thought to buy me anything for Christmas was the year my Dad died. Since I was in the hospital from December 24 - 28, who knows if that gift was waiting for me Christmas morning or not. Every year since then, my brother has said to me, "I will have to wait until after Christmas to buy a gift for the family" After Christmas comes and we are all still waiting for a gift.

You should never measure how much a person cares for you by the amount of the gift. Even though my brother was always an asshole to us before we could have counted on him for something. He used to be generous around Christmas. That is no more.

Like janey could never understand the person that is on time for their business meeting but keeps their spouse waiting I could never understand the unwavering devotion my brother has for his friends. He expects us (the family) to do everything for him with nothing in return.

Even though its been several years I will never forget when his friend moved into his own apartment. He spent the weekend helping him paint. I moved out of this house two weeks ago and even though I didn't ask for the help the offer never came.

Let's re visit Black Friday this same friend brought a television that could not fit into the car. We wanted to bring my mother's mini van but for some reason he didn't. I said to my brother, "Let me take you home so you can come back with the van". My brother said no he wasn't leaving his friend alone and felt it was easier for me to drive to my house drop off my car and then bring the van back. Despite the fact that I was tired, cold and hungry. I did get less sleep than he did. Someone had to save a space on the line.

I would be lying if I said my brother never did anything for me. He has occasionally pulled through in the past. If we are to list the things I brother has done for me versus the list of things that I needed him and he wasn't there the latter would be greater. Not only would the latter be greater but grief would be listed several times.

Edit:

My brother did buy me a Christmas card and it was lovely and I was very greatful