August has been some month for me and this blog.
I hadn't realized until this month that I've had this blog for over three years. I've had much to say but never used my blog to say it. Writing in this blog has helped me in so many ways.
It made me realize that I've changed so much since my last relationship. All my obsessing I've done on this blog and haven't bogged my friends down with the same shit different day. I'm still sad but less and less I'm trying to block those feelings. I've accepted the fact that I'm supposed to be sad. The only debate now in my mind is how long will I allow myself to be sad. Personally I think it should only be for another month or two.
What I love about my blog is I don't proofread it. I just free write. If I start to heavily proofread this blog it won't be real. I am not submitting this to another professional for consideration of a job or even presenting this for a grade in school. This is just the time I need to get out how I feel.
The funny thing about a blog or anything that is in print is you can really check yourself and how you feel. I can't believe I said this. I clearly don't believe that anymore.
And look at this. If I still believed that it wouldn't have set off the frenzy of entries this month.
School is going to start on Tuesday I have so many of the same expectations that I have every semester. The biggest change will be in my living situation. I hope to be out on my own again. Well not entirely on my own. I spent five years living in someone elses house which sometimes was like living at home with more bills. The big difference between now and when I was 19 is after I leave my house sharing dwelling I want it to be in a place I own.
How ironic. I didn't realize it until a second ago that it was 10 years ago this month is when i first left and now I hope to leave again. The only thing that has kept me here or made me return is this need I have to take care of my mom. Why not? She has taken care of me all these years. But now I am taking care of her at the expense of my happiness.
I may edit this post and add to it at a later time but never delete. That defeats the purpose. If I wrote it that means I felt it and you shouldn't hide from that.
School will start soon and I don't place any expectations with this blog for the next few months. We shall see what happens.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
That's what friends are for
I know you have heard the expression that people come into your life for a reason. Sometimes they come into your life for a short of period of time but that person wasn't meant to be in your life forever.
I was able to accept that for a few exceptions. Now I'm not going to list them but you know who you are.
I have a friend whom I miss terribly. Let me make an addendum to my previous statement. When people are in your life they don't have to be up under you every day to have an impact. I can totally understand if your adult life doesn't allow you the time to talk on the phone everyday and give a minute by minute play by play. But my friend whom I miss I know nothing about her and I mean absolutely nothing. It's scary because at one point I knew everything about her. For example when I sent her a text to tell her happy birthday she told me her grandmother was dying. I know how crazy it gets when a family member is sick and dying but I told her to text me the information about the service. I wanted to go and be there for her mom, her and the rest of her family. I text her last night and give my love to her grandparents to find out that her grandmother had passed.
I remember when my father died she was one of the first people I called. And she was there for me in ways I don't know if I could ever repay.
Did we fight? No. Is she really made at me for something I am not sure I did? According to her no. So why don't we speak anymore. I think I can handle not speaking for periods of time its the disconnect that kills me. Or maybe its me? Am I so self absorbed with my personal shit that my friends don't want to come to me? I really hope not.
So what do you do when you have a disconnect and you really want to be connected to a person. Do you force yourself back into their life? I blame technology for this. I have friends that you can pick up the phone to call and won't answer your phone call but are on top of a text. We used to send birthday cards but then we had the phone. After the phone came the pager. Then cell phones exploded and you could just leave a voicemail. After cell phones exploded, the text message became king. Now you can go months or even years without speaking to someone. I have friends that if I forget to call them for their birthday I will make sure I post a message on facebook or myspace.
I have an early new year's resolution. I'm going to try to call people more. Even if it is just on birthdays and holidays. Sometimes you have to hear someones voice just to have that piece of mind that everything is OK.
I was able to accept that for a few exceptions. Now I'm not going to list them but you know who you are.
I have a friend whom I miss terribly. Let me make an addendum to my previous statement. When people are in your life they don't have to be up under you every day to have an impact. I can totally understand if your adult life doesn't allow you the time to talk on the phone everyday and give a minute by minute play by play. But my friend whom I miss I know nothing about her and I mean absolutely nothing. It's scary because at one point I knew everything about her. For example when I sent her a text to tell her happy birthday she told me her grandmother was dying. I know how crazy it gets when a family member is sick and dying but I told her to text me the information about the service. I wanted to go and be there for her mom, her and the rest of her family. I text her last night and give my love to her grandparents to find out that her grandmother had passed.
I remember when my father died she was one of the first people I called. And she was there for me in ways I don't know if I could ever repay.
Did we fight? No. Is she really made at me for something I am not sure I did? According to her no. So why don't we speak anymore. I think I can handle not speaking for periods of time its the disconnect that kills me. Or maybe its me? Am I so self absorbed with my personal shit that my friends don't want to come to me? I really hope not.
So what do you do when you have a disconnect and you really want to be connected to a person. Do you force yourself back into their life? I blame technology for this. I have friends that you can pick up the phone to call and won't answer your phone call but are on top of a text. We used to send birthday cards but then we had the phone. After the phone came the pager. Then cell phones exploded and you could just leave a voicemail. After cell phones exploded, the text message became king. Now you can go months or even years without speaking to someone. I have friends that if I forget to call them for their birthday I will make sure I post a message on facebook or myspace.
I have an early new year's resolution. I'm going to try to call people more. Even if it is just on birthdays and holidays. Sometimes you have to hear someones voice just to have that piece of mind that everything is OK.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Desperation
That is what I call it when a Republican chooses a woman as a running mate. No disrespect to VP nominee soccer mom from Alaska.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
'We are better than these last eight years'
Prepared remarks of Barack Obama to the Democratic National Convention
To Chairman Dean and my great friend Dick Durbin; and to all my fellow citizens of this great nation: With profound gratitude and great humility, I accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States.
Let me express my thanks to the historic slate of candidates who accompanied me on this journey, and especially the one who traveled the farthest - a champion for working Americans and an inspiration to my daughters and to yours -- Hillary Rodham Clinton. To President Clinton, who last night made the case for change as only he can make it; to Ted Kennedy, who embodies the spirit of service; and to the next Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden, I thank you. I am grateful to finish this journey with one of the finest statesmen of our time, a man at ease with everyone from world leaders to the conductors on the Amtrak train he still takes home every night.
To the love of my life, our next First Lady, Michelle Obama, and to Sasha and Malia - I love you so much, and I'm so proud of all of you.
Four years ago, I stood before you and told you my story - of the brief union between a young man from Kenya and a young woman from Kansas who weren't well-off or well-known, but shared a belief that in America, their son could achieve whatever he put his mind to.
It is that promise that has always set this country apart - that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well.
That's why I stand here tonight. Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women - students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors -- found the courage to keep it alive.
We meet at one of those defining moments - a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more.
Tonight, more Americans are out of work and more are working harder for less. More of you have lost your homes and even more are watching your home values plummet. More of you have cars you can't afford to drive, credit card bills you can't afford to pay, and tuition that's beyond your reach.
These challenges are not all of government's making. But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush.
America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this.
This country is more decent than one where a woman in Ohio, on the brink of retirement, finds herself one illness away from disaster after a lifetime of hard work.
This country is more generous than one where a man in Indiana has to pack up the equipment he's worked on for twenty years and watch it shipped off to China, and then chokes up as he explains how he felt like a failure when he went home to tell his family the news.
We are more compassionate than a government that lets veterans sleep on our streets and families slide into poverty; that sits on its hands while a major American city drowns before our eyes.
Tonight, I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and Independents across this great land - enough! This moment - this election - is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight. On November 4th, we must stand up and say: "Eight is enough."
Now let there be no doubt. The Republican nominee, John McCain, has worn the uniform of our country with bravery and distinction, and for that we owe him our gratitude and respect. And next week, we'll also hear about those occasions when he's broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need.
But the record's clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush ninety percent of the time. Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than ninety percent of the time? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to take a ten percent chance on change.
The truth is, on issue after issue that would make a difference in your lives - on health care and education and the economy - Senator McCain has been anything but independent. He said that our economy has made "great progress" under this President. He said that the fundamentals of the economy are strong. And when one of his chief advisors - the man who wrote his economic plan - was talking about the anxiety Americans are feeling, he said that we were just suffering from a "mental recession," and that we've become, and I quote, "a nation of whiners."
A nation of whiners? Tell that to the proud auto workers at a Michigan plant who, after they found out it was closing, kept showing up every day and working as hard as ever, because they knew there were people who counted on the brakes that they made. Tell that to the military families who shoulder their burdens silently as they watch their loved ones leave for their third or fourth or fifth tour of duty. These are not whiners. They work hard and give back and keep going without complaint. These are the Americans that I know.
Now, I don't believe that Senator McCain doesn't care what's going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn't know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under five million dollars a year? How else could he propose hundreds of billions in tax breaks for big corporations and oil companies but not one penny of tax relief to more than one hundred million Americans? How else could he offer a health care plan that would actually tax people's benefits, or an education plan that would do nothing to help families pay for college, or a plan that would privatize Social Security and gamble your retirement?
It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.
For over two decades, he's subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy - give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the Ownership Society, but what it really means is - you're on your own. Out of work? Tough luck. No health care? The market will fix it. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps - even if you don't have boots. You're on your own.
Well it's time for them to own their failure. It's time for us to change America.
You see, we Democrats have a very different measure of what constitutes progress in this country.
We measure progress by how many people can find a job that pays the mortgage; whether you can put a little extra money away at the end of each month so you can someday watch your child receive her college diploma. We measure progress in the 23 million new jobs that were created when Bill Clinton was President - when the average American family saw its income go up $7,500 instead of down $2,000 like it has under George Bush.
We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a new business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off to look after a sick kid without losing her job - an economy that honors the dignity of work.
The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that fundamental promise that has made this country great - a promise that is the only reason I am standing here tonight.
Because in the faces of those young veterans who come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, I see my grandfather, who signed up after Pearl Harbor, marched in Patton's Army, and was rewarded by a grateful nation with the chance to go to college on the GI Bill.
In the face of that young student who sleeps just three hours before working the night shift, I think about my mom, who raised my sister and me on her own while she worked and earned her degree; who once turned to food stamps but was still able to send us to the best schools in the country with the help of student loans and scholarships.
When I listen to another worker tell me that his factory has shut down, I remember all those men and women on the South Side of Chicago who I stood by and fought for two decades ago after the local steel plant closed.
And when I hear a woman talk about the difficulties of starting her own business, I think about my grandmother, who worked her way up from the secretarial pool to middle-management, despite years of being passed over for promotions because she was a woman. She's the one who taught me about hard work. She's the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me. And although she can no longer travel, I know that she's watching tonight, and that tonight is her night as well.
I don't know what kind of lives John McCain thinks that celebrities lead, but this has been mine. These are my heroes. Theirs are the stories that shaped me. And it is on their behalf that I intend to win this election and keep our promise alive as President of the United States.
What is that promise?
It's a promise that says each of us has the freedom to make of our own lives what we will, but that we also have the obligation to treat each other with dignity and respect.
It's a promise that says the market should reward drive and innovation and generate growth, but that businesses should live up to their responsibilities to create American jobs, look out for American workers, and play by the rules of the road.
Ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves - protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology.
Our government should work for us, not against us. It should help us, not hurt us. It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who's willing to work.
That's the promise of America - the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper.
That's the promise we need to keep. That's the change we need right now. So let me spell out exactly what that change would mean if I am President.
Change means a tax code that doesn't reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it.
Unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.
I will eliminate capital gains taxes for the small businesses and the start-ups that will create the high-wage, high-tech jobs of tomorrow.
I will cut taxes - cut taxes - for 95% of all working families. Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle-class.
And for the sake of our economy, our security, and the future of our planet, I will set a clear goal as President: in ten years, we will finally end our dependence on oil from the Middle East.
Washington's been talking about our oil addiction for the last thirty years, and John McCain has been there for twenty-six of them. In that time, he's said no to higher fuel-efficiency standards for cars, no to investments in renewable energy, no to renewable fuels. And today, we import triple the amount of oil as the day that Senator McCain took office.
Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a long-term solution. Not even close.
As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power. I'll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America. I'll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars. And I'll invest 150 billion dollars over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy - wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and five million new jobs that pay well and can't ever be outsourced.
America, now is not the time for small plans.
Now is the time to finally meet our moral obligation to provide every child a world-class education, because it will take nothing less to compete in the global economy. Michelle and I are only here tonight because we were given a chance at an education. And I will not settle for an America where some kids don't have that chance. I'll invest in early childhood education. I'll recruit an army of new teachers, and pay them higher salaries and give them more support. And in exchange, I'll ask for higher standards and more accountability. And we will keep our promise to every young American - if you commit to serving your community or your country, we will make sure you can afford a college education.
Now is the time to finally keep the promise of affordable, accessible health care for every single American. If you have health care, my plan will lower your premiums. If you don't, you'll be able to get the same kind of coverage that members of Congress give themselves. And as someone who watched my mother argue with insurance companies while she lay in bed dying of cancer, I will make certain those companies stop discriminating against those who are sick and need care the most.
Now is the time to help families with paid sick days and better family leave, because nobody in America should have to choose between keeping their jobs and caring for a sick child or ailing parent.
Now is the time to change our bankruptcy laws, so that your pensions are protected ahead of CEO bonuses; and the time to protect Social Security for future generations.
And now is the time to keep the promise of equal pay for an equal day's work, because I want my daughters to have exactly the same opportunities as your sons.
Now, many of these plans will cost money, which is why I've laid out how I'll pay for every dime - by closing corporate loopholes and tax havens that don't help America grow. But I will also go through the federal budget, line by line, eliminating programs that no longer work and making the ones we do need work better and cost less - because we cannot meet twenty-first century challenges with a twentieth century bureaucracy.
And Democrats, we must also admit that fulfilling America's promise will require more than just money. It will require a renewed sense of responsibility from each of us to recover what John F. Kennedy called our "intellectual and moral strength." Yes, government must lead on energy independence, but each of us must do our part to make our homes and businesses more efficient. Yes, we must provide more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs alone can't replace parents; that government can't turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility for providing the love and guidance their children need.
Individual responsibility and mutual responsibility - that's the essence of America's promise.
And just as we keep our keep our promise to the next generation here at home, so must we keep America's promise abroad. If John McCain wants to have a debate about who has the temperament, and judgment, to serve as the next Commander-in-Chief, that's a debate I'm ready to have.
For while Senator McCain was turning his sights to Iraq just days after 9/11, I stood up and opposed this war, knowing that it would distract us from the real threats we face. When John McCain said we could just "muddle through" in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorists who actually attacked us on 9/11, and made clear that we must take out Osama bin Laden and his lieutenants if we have them in our sights. John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell - but he won't even go to the cave where he lives.
And today, as my call for a time frame to remove our troops from Iraq has been echoed by the Iraqi government and even the Bush Administration, even after we learned that Iraq has a $79 billion surplus while we're wallowing in deficits, John McCain stands alone in his stubborn refusal to end a misguided war.
That's not the judgment we need. That won't keep America safe. We need a President who can face the threats of the future, not keep grasping at the ideas of the past.
You don't defeat a terrorist network that operates in eighty countries by occupying Iraq. You don't protect Israel and deter Iran just by talking tough in Washington. You can't truly stand up for Georgia when you've strained our oldest alliances. If John McCain wants to follow George Bush with more tough talk and bad strategy, that is his choice - but it is not the change we need.
We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don't tell me that Democrats won't defend this country. Don't tell me that Democrats won't keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans -- Democrats and Republicans - have built, and we are here to restore that legacy.
As Commander-in-Chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm's way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.
I will end this war in Iraq responsibly, and finish the fight against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan. I will rebuild our military to meet future conflicts. But I will also renew the tough, direct diplomacy that can prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and curb Russian aggression. I will build new partnerships to defeat the threats of the 21st century: terrorism and nuclear proliferation; poverty and genocide; climate change and disease. And I will restore our moral standing, so that America is once again that last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.
These are the policies I will pursue. And in the weeks ahead, I look forward to debating them with John McCain.
But what I will not do is suggest that the Senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and patriotism.
The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America - they have served the United States of America.
So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.
America, our work will not be easy. The challenges we face require tough choices, and Democrats as well as Republicans will need to cast off the worn-out ideas and politics of the past. For part of what has been lost these past eight years can't just be measured by lost wages or bigger trade deficits. What has also been lost is our sense of common purpose - our sense of higher purpose. And that's what we have to restore.
We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.
I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare the voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.
You make a big election about small things.
And you know what - it's worked before. Because it feeds into the cynicism we all have about government. When Washington doesn't work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it's best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.
I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.
But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.
For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us - that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it - because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.
America, this is one of those moments.
I believe that as hard as it will be, the change we need is coming. Because I've seen it. Because I've lived it. I've seen it in Illinois, when we provided health care to more children and moved more families from welfare to work. I've seen it in Washington, when we worked across party lines to open up government and hold lobbyists more accountable, to give better care for our veterans and keep nuclear weapons out of terrorist hands.
And I've seen it in this campaign. In the young people who voted for the first time, and in those who got involved again after a very long time. In the Republicans who never thought they'd pick up a Democratic ballot, but did. I've seen it in the workers who would rather cut their hours back a day than see their friends lose their jobs, in the soldiers who re-enlist after losing a limb, in the good neighbors who take a stranger in when a hurricane strikes and the floodwaters rise.
This country of ours has more wealth than any nation, but that's not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military on Earth, but that's not what makes us strong. Our universities and our culture are the envy of the world, but that's not what keeps the world coming to our shores.
Instead, it is that American spirit - that American promise - that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain; that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend.
That promise is our greatest inheritance. It's a promise I make to my daughters when I tuck them in at night, and a promise that you make to yours - a promise that has led immigrants to cross oceans and pioneers to travel west; a promise that led workers to picket lines, and women to reach for the ballot.
And it is that promise that forty five years ago today, brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln's Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream.
The men and women who gathered there could've heard many things. They could've heard words of anger and discord. They could've been told to succumb to the fear and frustration of so many dreams deferred.
But what the people heard instead - people of every creed and color, from every walk of life - is that in America, our destiny is inextricably linked. That together, our dreams can be one.
"We cannot walk alone," the preacher cried. "And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back."
America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise - that American promise - and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.
Thank you, God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of America.
To Chairman Dean and my great friend Dick Durbin; and to all my fellow citizens of this great nation: With profound gratitude and great humility, I accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States.
Let me express my thanks to the historic slate of candidates who accompanied me on this journey, and especially the one who traveled the farthest - a champion for working Americans and an inspiration to my daughters and to yours -- Hillary Rodham Clinton. To President Clinton, who last night made the case for change as only he can make it; to Ted Kennedy, who embodies the spirit of service; and to the next Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden, I thank you. I am grateful to finish this journey with one of the finest statesmen of our time, a man at ease with everyone from world leaders to the conductors on the Amtrak train he still takes home every night.
To the love of my life, our next First Lady, Michelle Obama, and to Sasha and Malia - I love you so much, and I'm so proud of all of you.
Four years ago, I stood before you and told you my story - of the brief union between a young man from Kenya and a young woman from Kansas who weren't well-off or well-known, but shared a belief that in America, their son could achieve whatever he put his mind to.
It is that promise that has always set this country apart - that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well.
That's why I stand here tonight. Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women - students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors -- found the courage to keep it alive.
We meet at one of those defining moments - a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more.
Tonight, more Americans are out of work and more are working harder for less. More of you have lost your homes and even more are watching your home values plummet. More of you have cars you can't afford to drive, credit card bills you can't afford to pay, and tuition that's beyond your reach.
These challenges are not all of government's making. But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush.
America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this.
This country is more decent than one where a woman in Ohio, on the brink of retirement, finds herself one illness away from disaster after a lifetime of hard work.
This country is more generous than one where a man in Indiana has to pack up the equipment he's worked on for twenty years and watch it shipped off to China, and then chokes up as he explains how he felt like a failure when he went home to tell his family the news.
We are more compassionate than a government that lets veterans sleep on our streets and families slide into poverty; that sits on its hands while a major American city drowns before our eyes.
Tonight, I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and Independents across this great land - enough! This moment - this election - is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight. On November 4th, we must stand up and say: "Eight is enough."
Now let there be no doubt. The Republican nominee, John McCain, has worn the uniform of our country with bravery and distinction, and for that we owe him our gratitude and respect. And next week, we'll also hear about those occasions when he's broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need.
But the record's clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush ninety percent of the time. Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than ninety percent of the time? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to take a ten percent chance on change.
The truth is, on issue after issue that would make a difference in your lives - on health care and education and the economy - Senator McCain has been anything but independent. He said that our economy has made "great progress" under this President. He said that the fundamentals of the economy are strong. And when one of his chief advisors - the man who wrote his economic plan - was talking about the anxiety Americans are feeling, he said that we were just suffering from a "mental recession," and that we've become, and I quote, "a nation of whiners."
A nation of whiners? Tell that to the proud auto workers at a Michigan plant who, after they found out it was closing, kept showing up every day and working as hard as ever, because they knew there were people who counted on the brakes that they made. Tell that to the military families who shoulder their burdens silently as they watch their loved ones leave for their third or fourth or fifth tour of duty. These are not whiners. They work hard and give back and keep going without complaint. These are the Americans that I know.
Now, I don't believe that Senator McCain doesn't care what's going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn't know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under five million dollars a year? How else could he propose hundreds of billions in tax breaks for big corporations and oil companies but not one penny of tax relief to more than one hundred million Americans? How else could he offer a health care plan that would actually tax people's benefits, or an education plan that would do nothing to help families pay for college, or a plan that would privatize Social Security and gamble your retirement?
It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.
For over two decades, he's subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy - give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the Ownership Society, but what it really means is - you're on your own. Out of work? Tough luck. No health care? The market will fix it. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps - even if you don't have boots. You're on your own.
Well it's time for them to own their failure. It's time for us to change America.
You see, we Democrats have a very different measure of what constitutes progress in this country.
We measure progress by how many people can find a job that pays the mortgage; whether you can put a little extra money away at the end of each month so you can someday watch your child receive her college diploma. We measure progress in the 23 million new jobs that were created when Bill Clinton was President - when the average American family saw its income go up $7,500 instead of down $2,000 like it has under George Bush.
We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a new business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off to look after a sick kid without losing her job - an economy that honors the dignity of work.
The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that fundamental promise that has made this country great - a promise that is the only reason I am standing here tonight.
Because in the faces of those young veterans who come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, I see my grandfather, who signed up after Pearl Harbor, marched in Patton's Army, and was rewarded by a grateful nation with the chance to go to college on the GI Bill.
In the face of that young student who sleeps just three hours before working the night shift, I think about my mom, who raised my sister and me on her own while she worked and earned her degree; who once turned to food stamps but was still able to send us to the best schools in the country with the help of student loans and scholarships.
When I listen to another worker tell me that his factory has shut down, I remember all those men and women on the South Side of Chicago who I stood by and fought for two decades ago after the local steel plant closed.
And when I hear a woman talk about the difficulties of starting her own business, I think about my grandmother, who worked her way up from the secretarial pool to middle-management, despite years of being passed over for promotions because she was a woman. She's the one who taught me about hard work. She's the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me. And although she can no longer travel, I know that she's watching tonight, and that tonight is her night as well.
I don't know what kind of lives John McCain thinks that celebrities lead, but this has been mine. These are my heroes. Theirs are the stories that shaped me. And it is on their behalf that I intend to win this election and keep our promise alive as President of the United States.
What is that promise?
It's a promise that says each of us has the freedom to make of our own lives what we will, but that we also have the obligation to treat each other with dignity and respect.
It's a promise that says the market should reward drive and innovation and generate growth, but that businesses should live up to their responsibilities to create American jobs, look out for American workers, and play by the rules of the road.
Ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves - protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology.
Our government should work for us, not against us. It should help us, not hurt us. It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who's willing to work.
That's the promise of America - the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper.
That's the promise we need to keep. That's the change we need right now. So let me spell out exactly what that change would mean if I am President.
Change means a tax code that doesn't reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it.
Unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.
I will eliminate capital gains taxes for the small businesses and the start-ups that will create the high-wage, high-tech jobs of tomorrow.
I will cut taxes - cut taxes - for 95% of all working families. Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle-class.
And for the sake of our economy, our security, and the future of our planet, I will set a clear goal as President: in ten years, we will finally end our dependence on oil from the Middle East.
Washington's been talking about our oil addiction for the last thirty years, and John McCain has been there for twenty-six of them. In that time, he's said no to higher fuel-efficiency standards for cars, no to investments in renewable energy, no to renewable fuels. And today, we import triple the amount of oil as the day that Senator McCain took office.
Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a long-term solution. Not even close.
As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power. I'll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America. I'll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars. And I'll invest 150 billion dollars over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy - wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and five million new jobs that pay well and can't ever be outsourced.
America, now is not the time for small plans.
Now is the time to finally meet our moral obligation to provide every child a world-class education, because it will take nothing less to compete in the global economy. Michelle and I are only here tonight because we were given a chance at an education. And I will not settle for an America where some kids don't have that chance. I'll invest in early childhood education. I'll recruit an army of new teachers, and pay them higher salaries and give them more support. And in exchange, I'll ask for higher standards and more accountability. And we will keep our promise to every young American - if you commit to serving your community or your country, we will make sure you can afford a college education.
Now is the time to finally keep the promise of affordable, accessible health care for every single American. If you have health care, my plan will lower your premiums. If you don't, you'll be able to get the same kind of coverage that members of Congress give themselves. And as someone who watched my mother argue with insurance companies while she lay in bed dying of cancer, I will make certain those companies stop discriminating against those who are sick and need care the most.
Now is the time to help families with paid sick days and better family leave, because nobody in America should have to choose between keeping their jobs and caring for a sick child or ailing parent.
Now is the time to change our bankruptcy laws, so that your pensions are protected ahead of CEO bonuses; and the time to protect Social Security for future generations.
And now is the time to keep the promise of equal pay for an equal day's work, because I want my daughters to have exactly the same opportunities as your sons.
Now, many of these plans will cost money, which is why I've laid out how I'll pay for every dime - by closing corporate loopholes and tax havens that don't help America grow. But I will also go through the federal budget, line by line, eliminating programs that no longer work and making the ones we do need work better and cost less - because we cannot meet twenty-first century challenges with a twentieth century bureaucracy.
And Democrats, we must also admit that fulfilling America's promise will require more than just money. It will require a renewed sense of responsibility from each of us to recover what John F. Kennedy called our "intellectual and moral strength." Yes, government must lead on energy independence, but each of us must do our part to make our homes and businesses more efficient. Yes, we must provide more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs alone can't replace parents; that government can't turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility for providing the love and guidance their children need.
Individual responsibility and mutual responsibility - that's the essence of America's promise.
And just as we keep our keep our promise to the next generation here at home, so must we keep America's promise abroad. If John McCain wants to have a debate about who has the temperament, and judgment, to serve as the next Commander-in-Chief, that's a debate I'm ready to have.
For while Senator McCain was turning his sights to Iraq just days after 9/11, I stood up and opposed this war, knowing that it would distract us from the real threats we face. When John McCain said we could just "muddle through" in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorists who actually attacked us on 9/11, and made clear that we must take out Osama bin Laden and his lieutenants if we have them in our sights. John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell - but he won't even go to the cave where he lives.
And today, as my call for a time frame to remove our troops from Iraq has been echoed by the Iraqi government and even the Bush Administration, even after we learned that Iraq has a $79 billion surplus while we're wallowing in deficits, John McCain stands alone in his stubborn refusal to end a misguided war.
That's not the judgment we need. That won't keep America safe. We need a President who can face the threats of the future, not keep grasping at the ideas of the past.
You don't defeat a terrorist network that operates in eighty countries by occupying Iraq. You don't protect Israel and deter Iran just by talking tough in Washington. You can't truly stand up for Georgia when you've strained our oldest alliances. If John McCain wants to follow George Bush with more tough talk and bad strategy, that is his choice - but it is not the change we need.
We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don't tell me that Democrats won't defend this country. Don't tell me that Democrats won't keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans -- Democrats and Republicans - have built, and we are here to restore that legacy.
As Commander-in-Chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm's way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.
I will end this war in Iraq responsibly, and finish the fight against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan. I will rebuild our military to meet future conflicts. But I will also renew the tough, direct diplomacy that can prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and curb Russian aggression. I will build new partnerships to defeat the threats of the 21st century: terrorism and nuclear proliferation; poverty and genocide; climate change and disease. And I will restore our moral standing, so that America is once again that last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.
These are the policies I will pursue. And in the weeks ahead, I look forward to debating them with John McCain.
But what I will not do is suggest that the Senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and patriotism.
The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America - they have served the United States of America.
So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.
America, our work will not be easy. The challenges we face require tough choices, and Democrats as well as Republicans will need to cast off the worn-out ideas and politics of the past. For part of what has been lost these past eight years can't just be measured by lost wages or bigger trade deficits. What has also been lost is our sense of common purpose - our sense of higher purpose. And that's what we have to restore.
We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.
I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare the voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.
You make a big election about small things.
And you know what - it's worked before. Because it feeds into the cynicism we all have about government. When Washington doesn't work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it's best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.
I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.
But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.
For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us - that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it - because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.
America, this is one of those moments.
I believe that as hard as it will be, the change we need is coming. Because I've seen it. Because I've lived it. I've seen it in Illinois, when we provided health care to more children and moved more families from welfare to work. I've seen it in Washington, when we worked across party lines to open up government and hold lobbyists more accountable, to give better care for our veterans and keep nuclear weapons out of terrorist hands.
And I've seen it in this campaign. In the young people who voted for the first time, and in those who got involved again after a very long time. In the Republicans who never thought they'd pick up a Democratic ballot, but did. I've seen it in the workers who would rather cut their hours back a day than see their friends lose their jobs, in the soldiers who re-enlist after losing a limb, in the good neighbors who take a stranger in when a hurricane strikes and the floodwaters rise.
This country of ours has more wealth than any nation, but that's not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military on Earth, but that's not what makes us strong. Our universities and our culture are the envy of the world, but that's not what keeps the world coming to our shores.
Instead, it is that American spirit - that American promise - that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain; that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend.
That promise is our greatest inheritance. It's a promise I make to my daughters when I tuck them in at night, and a promise that you make to yours - a promise that has led immigrants to cross oceans and pioneers to travel west; a promise that led workers to picket lines, and women to reach for the ballot.
And it is that promise that forty five years ago today, brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln's Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream.
The men and women who gathered there could've heard many things. They could've heard words of anger and discord. They could've been told to succumb to the fear and frustration of so many dreams deferred.
But what the people heard instead - people of every creed and color, from every walk of life - is that in America, our destiny is inextricably linked. That together, our dreams can be one.
"We cannot walk alone," the preacher cried. "And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back."
America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise - that American promise - and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.
Thank you, God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of America.
Barack Obama
I'm writing as I watch this historic event live. Today our country is forever changed. Today 45 years ago another man changed this country. Today is about being positive. Today is for Barack Obama.
I must mention one of the reasons I am drawn to Barack Obama. It is because of his wife. You have to admire a man that would choose Michelle as a partner in life. Michelle is a force to be reckoned with. It takes a strong man to love a woman like that. You must admire a man that respects his mother so much and appreciates all he was able to do with her. And you know he loves her and respects her in the way he speaks of her memory. Why do i feel it is so important that he loves the women in life and chooses to align himself with powerful women?
If you think about it he really doesn't have to. He doesn't have to mention his mother and no one would think any less of him. It would just be about Barack.
10:15 pm ET and there it is. History has been made. We have a black presidential candidate.
What I don't understand are the people who believe that Senator Obama will only be for the black people and only for the black agenda. This is a man that spent most of his childhood with white people from the Midwest. Who will better identify with the common American than a person who lived as one. He knows more about being poor than I do.
10% percent chance on change. I don't think Senator McCain doesn't care about the common American I think he doesn't know. I don't know what kind of life John McCain thinks that celebrities lead but this is my life... I am my brother's keeper, I am my sister's keeper. John McCain said he would follow bin laden to the gates of hell but he won't even follow him to the cave where he lives.
If you don't have fresh ideas you have to use scare tactics to run on...
When Washington doesn't work then the promises mean nothing
This election was never about me. It's about you.
My heart is full and I am just over whelmed.
I must mention one of the reasons I am drawn to Barack Obama. It is because of his wife. You have to admire a man that would choose Michelle as a partner in life. Michelle is a force to be reckoned with. It takes a strong man to love a woman like that. You must admire a man that respects his mother so much and appreciates all he was able to do with her. And you know he loves her and respects her in the way he speaks of her memory. Why do i feel it is so important that he loves the women in life and chooses to align himself with powerful women?
If you think about it he really doesn't have to. He doesn't have to mention his mother and no one would think any less of him. It would just be about Barack.
10:15 pm ET and there it is. History has been made. We have a black presidential candidate.
What I don't understand are the people who believe that Senator Obama will only be for the black people and only for the black agenda. This is a man that spent most of his childhood with white people from the Midwest. Who will better identify with the common American than a person who lived as one. He knows more about being poor than I do.
10% percent chance on change. I don't think Senator McCain doesn't care about the common American I think he doesn't know. I don't know what kind of life John McCain thinks that celebrities lead but this is my life... I am my brother's keeper, I am my sister's keeper. John McCain said he would follow bin laden to the gates of hell but he won't even follow him to the cave where he lives.
If you don't have fresh ideas you have to use scare tactics to run on...
When Washington doesn't work then the promises mean nothing
This election was never about me. It's about you.
My heart is full and I am just over whelmed.
We Fall Down But We Get Up (c) Pastor Donnie McClurkin
We fall down
But we get up
We fall down
But we get up
We fall down
But we get up
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up(repeat)
Get back up again (6x)
For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up
I know the campaign's slogan is Yes We Can but I think this song is also fitting. In a perfect world after this convention is over we as Democrats will not be talking about how badly another Bush screwed up our economy. We fell down twice and now it is time for us to get up.
Note: I do not agree with most of Pastor Donnie McClurkin's opinions. I don't buy that I was gay and because of God I am not. But if anyone knows about being down and rising again it is him.
We Fall Down but We Get Up Revisted
I maybe brief because the man of the hour, day, month, year, decade, century is about to take the stage.
I had to speak on Hillary Rodham Clinton. Please leave this woman alone. I am not even speaking to the press on this one. On facebook and okayplayer I've seen men write some very disparaging remarks about her that she is pushing her own agenda and how her speech at the convention was just a platform for Hillary 2012. So what if it was?
I don't know too many people like her. This woman has faced political, personal and professionally problems and keeps going. My only hope for her is the constant fighting doesn't make her bitter. I would hate to see her in 20 years sounding like Geraldine Ferraro.
She came to the stage and humbly supported Senator Obama. She cast the final unanimous vote securing history.
If it were Hillary about to walk on that stage tonight I wouldn't be upset. We could do worse.
I had to speak on Hillary Rodham Clinton. Please leave this woman alone. I am not even speaking to the press on this one. On facebook and okayplayer I've seen men write some very disparaging remarks about her that she is pushing her own agenda and how her speech at the convention was just a platform for Hillary 2012. So what if it was?
I don't know too many people like her. This woman has faced political, personal and professionally problems and keeps going. My only hope for her is the constant fighting doesn't make her bitter. I would hate to see her in 20 years sounding like Geraldine Ferraro.
She came to the stage and humbly supported Senator Obama. She cast the final unanimous vote securing history.
If it were Hillary about to walk on that stage tonight I wouldn't be upset. We could do worse.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
We Fall Down but We Get Up
From the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Suits... (c) Hillary Rodham Clinton
I have so much to say about Hillary. I will have to leave it for another night or the weekend. I hadn't planned on watching Day 2 of the convention but I had to. I am going to watch it again and comment at a later time.
I have so much to say about Hillary. I will have to leave it for another night or the weekend. I hadn't planned on watching Day 2 of the convention but I had to. I am going to watch it again and comment at a later time.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Mrs. Michelle Obama
I just watched the first day of the Democratic National Convention and I am overcome. I am going to try to keep this post positive and not criticize Cindy McCain. It is important to me to develop my critical thinking skills. Apart of that is to have a good understanding of both of our potential first ladies before I pass negative criticism on either one.
I remember Primary day like it was yesterday. My Uncle Richard and Auntie Kathleen were visiting from North Carolina and we all came up with many reasons why Hillary Clinton was going to be our next Democratic National Candidate for President. So I decided that the next day I was going to cast my vote for Hillary Clinton.
The next day when I went to vote I stood in the poll both frozen in my shoes for a moment. I knew what I came to do but for some reason I couldn't do it. I wanted to vote for Hillary but my hand wouldn't leave the side of my body to pull the lever. Then I changed my mind. As soon as I had it my head to vote for Barack Obama I regained my composure and cast my vote.
Ever since then I have just received confirmation after confirmation from the Obama Family that I made the right choice that day.
If someone from another country asked me the roles and responsibilities of a first lady I wouldn't have much to say. After watching Michelle Obama give her speech I know what a first lady is because it is her. She is the woman that I've always known. She is the woman that was portrayed for so many years by Phylicia Rashad. on the Cosby Show. She is the woman I aspire to be. With Michelle as first lady, I feel we will have less little black girls dancing half naked in a music video. When you listen to Mrs. Obama you cannot help but want to be better and do better, for yourself and your community.
Barack and Michelle Obama know America. I feel they know America more than I do. They know it because they have walked all forms of the dream. They both grew up in working class homes and worked their way up. Even though they were able to provide their daughters with a comfortable lifestyle I feel they will never allow them to forget to give to other people in life.
To all the people who criticize Michelle Obama for saying for the first time she was proud to be an American was now just doesn't understand. They don't understand a country that you worked hard for. It is a country that tells you all you need is hard work and education and when you do that it still kicks you in the teeth. The people who criticize Mrs. Obama does not know how it feels to be treated as a second class citizen.
Mrs Obama will be a great first lady because yes she has been yes she will be.
Monday, August 25, 2008
I Just Miss You...
Molly Ringwald
Teen cheesy 80's movie drama queen. I remember a scene from the movie For Keeps. I believe at the end of the movie she runs to her boyfriend with baby in hand and even though they are broken up and she tells him to go back to college he comes back to her.
Most 80's movies ended that way. With some sort of dramatic end.
What I did last week may qualify as an end to an 80's movie. I put the final nail in the coffin when I decided to rid myself of all physical evidence of my past relationship. I kept looking at the card he brought me for my birthday. It wasn't a grand declaration of love nor was it a .99 happy birthday card either. It was just right and it looked like he spent some time picking it out. I couldn't look at it anymore and not wonder what happened. What did I do to make everything change or was it me at all.
I decided to throw the card away because I couldn't look at it anymore and continue to analyze it. It was the best thing to do.
What I couldn't throw away the picture but I couldn't look at it either. I had made him two cds before we broke up. One of them was fast music for his car. The other CD was slow music for the both of us to listen to. I didn't send him the slow one but I still wanted him to have the CD with the fast songs. It was a CD of lesser known R&B singers that I thought he would like. So last week I mailed him the CD and the picture we took the night we went out for my birthday. I was going to write him a goodbye letter but decided a quick note on a post will do. So I mailed it. And I never expected a response. But today he responded via text.
He said hi and thanks for the CD. He also reminded me that he was going to Florida this Friday. I miss him terribly and didn't need to see that text message. He said thanks for the CD but nothing about the picture. I wonder if he kept it.
Racquel said to me yesterday if I thought we would ever get back together. I've thought about it but I know that wouldn't be a good thing. How can I be with a man that only wants to be apart of my life that is good. How can you be with someone that doesn't want to share the good times either? Besides if he really wanted me back he would have never started his match.com profile again. He has moved on and so do I.
But I still miss him. I guess that is to be expected now.
More Monday Fuckery
I was such a huge Jodeci fan when I was 12 years old. They replaced New Edition in my heart for a while. Anyone that knows me knows how in love I am with New Edition so that was not an easy feat.
What happened?
Now we heard Kci's explanation and I guess that makes sense but why continue to sing. Your brother just passed out and is laid out on the stage. I think the playback of all my life would have been sufficient in place of your singing and hollering Kci.
Maybe that is just my opinion.
What Kind of Fuckery is This?
There is so much fuckery going on the Internet I had to write about it (Thank you Amy for the Term). Its still early in the day and I don't think I will go out for a walk because it looks like it is going to rain. But I actually saw today's first fuckery on Okayplayer a few days ago. The more I read it the more sad I get because most women are deeply insecure. That is the only explanation for dealing with this bullshit.
Now in this equation who is the biggest asshole:
The Wife?
The Jumpoff?
The Other Jumpoff
It's a coin's toss on that one. Read the following excerpt from Faith's autobiography Keep The Faith. You will see my two cents in red.
I don’t know what got into my head. But I decided that I needed to know once and for all what Big was really trying to do. On that night before Christmas, I drove to Big’s house on a mission to find out where I really stood. (I know she had something better to do on Christmas Eve like spend time with her kids)
The security guard at the gate just waved me in when I pulled up. It was Christmas Eve and she’d seen me come into the complex with the kids, so I guess she didn’t think anything of it. I parked in the rear of Big’s town house and walked up to the garage. It was locked. I hadn’t been over to Big’s house a whole lot but I did know that you jiggle the garage door a certain way and unlock it.
I got into the garage, where there was an elevator that would take me to both floors of Big’s duplex. There I was, rocking a black skully cap and a heavy goose-down jacket, tiptoeing into the elevator and pressing the button to go up to the second floor, where his bedroom was located. I got to Big’s bedroom door, turned the knob, and went inside. As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big’s large frame, (No disrespect to the dead but I'm really trying to figure out how they had sex. At that time Kim was actually still petite. I loved Biggie the rapper just like the next 10th grader but fuckin him is a whole other animal.*no pun intended*) I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick our of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick’s wig came off in my hand; It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room.
“So you not fucking her, right?” I screamed at Big. “Yeah, you not messing with her anymore,right?”
When they heard all the commotion, Cease, D-Roc, and Gutter came running into the room. ‘Oh shit!” they yelled in unison. “It’s Faye! How the hell she get in here?”
Big sat up in bed and pointed at Kim, who was standing in a corner of the room, trying to cover her naked body with her hands while I was still yelling at Big. “Yo, get her outta here,’ Big said. They led Kim out of the room and she screamed and cursed the whole way. (Come on Kim, do you have an ounce of pride. I don't know if I could face Cease, D-Roc and Gutter after being led out of a room naked by them.)
It was absolutely crazy in that house. Kim was naked and being led somewhere to get dressed. I was still screaming on Big. Damion, Cease, and Gutter were laughing in amazement that I would be so bold. And Big looked like he was just too through with all of us. He sat up in bed shaking his head. Kim left the house and I stayed, talking to Big about why he couldn’t be honest with me about her.
‘I thought it was all about Tiffany?” (Insert the next jumpoff here) I asked. You still messing with Kim, too?” Big had nothing to say. I have to say I actually felt some pity for Kim. Big had a wife, and she settled for messing with him. Then he started dating Tiffany and Big had a wife and a mistress. And Kim still settled for being other other woman. It seemed pretty sad to settle for that. (Don't get me wrong people Kim is an asshole and Faith is right about that but who are you to call anyone out for being a mistress? I don't know what their plans were when Biggie was murdered but legally they were still married and Faith was having his baby. Faith you were pretty sad too)
When I left a few hours later to get the kids, I noticed that Kim had taken my key to my Land Cruiser and scratched up my entire car, from the hood to the back bumper. (She would have got another beatdown for that)
Even though we ended up having sex that day, at that point I decided I was 100 percent through. I was not going to be a ride or die chick, always going to lengths to show Big how I felt. I was the mother of his child and his wife. But I was going to have to let go.
When I saw that last name I wanted to scream. I couldn't believe that after all of that she still slept with him anyway. Even if that did happen I would have conveniently left that part of the book. It's not like Big is going to come from the dead and say, "After all of that she fucked me anyway." Who would have known?
But then Dick will make you slap somebody I can sympathize slightly. But there is no man that will make me lose that much self respect for myself.
Now in this equation who is the biggest asshole:
The Wife?
The Jumpoff?
The Other Jumpoff
It's a coin's toss on that one. Read the following excerpt from Faith's autobiography Keep The Faith. You will see my two cents in red.
I don’t know what got into my head. But I decided that I needed to know once and for all what Big was really trying to do. On that night before Christmas, I drove to Big’s house on a mission to find out where I really stood. (I know she had something better to do on Christmas Eve like spend time with her kids)
The security guard at the gate just waved me in when I pulled up. It was Christmas Eve and she’d seen me come into the complex with the kids, so I guess she didn’t think anything of it. I parked in the rear of Big’s town house and walked up to the garage. It was locked. I hadn’t been over to Big’s house a whole lot but I did know that you jiggle the garage door a certain way and unlock it.
I got into the garage, where there was an elevator that would take me to both floors of Big’s duplex. There I was, rocking a black skully cap and a heavy goose-down jacket, tiptoeing into the elevator and pressing the button to go up to the second floor, where his bedroom was located. I got to Big’s bedroom door, turned the knob, and went inside. As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big’s large frame, (No disrespect to the dead but I'm really trying to figure out how they had sex. At that time Kim was actually still petite. I loved Biggie the rapper just like the next 10th grader but fuckin him is a whole other animal.*no pun intended*) I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick our of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick’s wig came off in my hand; It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room.
“So you not fucking her, right?” I screamed at Big. “Yeah, you not messing with her anymore,right?”
When they heard all the commotion, Cease, D-Roc, and Gutter came running into the room. ‘Oh shit!” they yelled in unison. “It’s Faye! How the hell she get in here?”
Big sat up in bed and pointed at Kim, who was standing in a corner of the room, trying to cover her naked body with her hands while I was still yelling at Big. “Yo, get her outta here,’ Big said. They led Kim out of the room and she screamed and cursed the whole way. (Come on Kim, do you have an ounce of pride. I don't know if I could face Cease, D-Roc and Gutter after being led out of a room naked by them.)
It was absolutely crazy in that house. Kim was naked and being led somewhere to get dressed. I was still screaming on Big. Damion, Cease, and Gutter were laughing in amazement that I would be so bold. And Big looked like he was just too through with all of us. He sat up in bed shaking his head. Kim left the house and I stayed, talking to Big about why he couldn’t be honest with me about her.
‘I thought it was all about Tiffany?” (Insert the next jumpoff here) I asked. You still messing with Kim, too?” Big had nothing to say. I have to say I actually felt some pity for Kim. Big had a wife, and she settled for messing with him. Then he started dating Tiffany and Big had a wife and a mistress. And Kim still settled for being other other woman. It seemed pretty sad to settle for that. (Don't get me wrong people Kim is an asshole and Faith is right about that but who are you to call anyone out for being a mistress? I don't know what their plans were when Biggie was murdered but legally they were still married and Faith was having his baby. Faith you were pretty sad too)
When I left a few hours later to get the kids, I noticed that Kim had taken my key to my Land Cruiser and scratched up my entire car, from the hood to the back bumper. (She would have got another beatdown for that)
Even though we ended up having sex that day, at that point I decided I was 100 percent through. I was not going to be a ride or die chick, always going to lengths to show Big how I felt. I was the mother of his child and his wife. But I was going to have to let go.
When I saw that last name I wanted to scream. I couldn't believe that after all of that she still slept with him anyway. Even if that did happen I would have conveniently left that part of the book. It's not like Big is going to come from the dead and say, "After all of that she fucked me anyway." Who would have known?
But then Dick will make you slap somebody I can sympathize slightly. But there is no man that will make me lose that much self respect for myself.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Get Well Raphael
People Use Religion to deal with or explain bad things away that are happening in life.
I said that to Raphael tonight and he said that statement makes a lot of sense. I don't know if I said it exactly like that.
Raphael was in a pretty bad car accident a few weeks ago. We are going to pray for a speedy recovery.
It is a blessing in disguise I didn't have a blog around a certain time in my life. That is all I'm going to say about that.
I said that to Raphael tonight and he said that statement makes a lot of sense. I don't know if I said it exactly like that.
Raphael was in a pretty bad car accident a few weeks ago. We are going to pray for a speedy recovery.
It is a blessing in disguise I didn't have a blog around a certain time in my life. That is all I'm going to say about that.
Rebound
The definition from Merriam-Webster.
Main Entry:
1re·bound
Function:
verb
intransitive verb1 a: to spring back on or as if on collision or impact with another body b: to recover from setback or frustration
When I think of the word rebound these days I do with another connotation and I am writing about it because I finally understand the concept.
I used to think of rebound from a previous relationship is latching on to the first person you see to scratch that physical itch. That desire to be touched. The desire to have that feeling back. That feeling of familiarity. One of the best things about sex with my ex was after we were done knowing that he was the only person I was sharing that part of myself with. Sex with a person that you are in a relationship with is so much better than just having a one night stand. You can't obtain that level of intimacy with a person you must met.
That is but one small part of rebound. Rebound is jumping into another relationship because in the back of your mind you think that this new person is going to take the pain away of your last break up. But what happens is you figure out you are still feeling the last guy and being with someone new is just a painful reminder that you are no longer with the one you are rebounding from.
Now a completely innocent person is hurt because you didn't give yourself time to heal.
I think we need to as Colombini famously puts it "retrain your brain". I feel Merriam and Webster are right when they say rebound is about recovery. When you date on the rebound that is nothing more than setback.
Main Entry:
1re·bound
Function:
verb
intransitive verb1 a: to spring back on or as if on collision or impact with another body b: to recover from setback or frustration
When I think of the word rebound these days I do with another connotation and I am writing about it because I finally understand the concept.
I used to think of rebound from a previous relationship is latching on to the first person you see to scratch that physical itch. That desire to be touched. The desire to have that feeling back. That feeling of familiarity. One of the best things about sex with my ex was after we were done knowing that he was the only person I was sharing that part of myself with. Sex with a person that you are in a relationship with is so much better than just having a one night stand. You can't obtain that level of intimacy with a person you must met.
That is but one small part of rebound. Rebound is jumping into another relationship because in the back of your mind you think that this new person is going to take the pain away of your last break up. But what happens is you figure out you are still feeling the last guy and being with someone new is just a painful reminder that you are no longer with the one you are rebounding from.
Now a completely innocent person is hurt because you didn't give yourself time to heal.
I think we need to as Colombini famously puts it "retrain your brain". I feel Merriam and Webster are right when they say rebound is about recovery. When you date on the rebound that is nothing more than setback.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Current Mood: Positive
Today was a positive day. I'm trying to keep that the mood of the day. Something bad happened to my mom but I'm still trying to stay positive. Today the Three Brothers Foundation held their annual Be a Mentor for a Day program. Today we met at Plainfield High School and we had the opportunity to serve as mentors for a day for children ages 10 - 18. Unfortunately Google maps screwed me and took me on a nice tour of Jersey and I was late. I got there anyway and I say better late than never.
I missed the networking and mentor presentation but I am still very happy to have the experience. I had the opportunity to mentor one little 9 year old girl who wanted to be a science teacher. She didn't have much to say. I think her mother forced her to come to the event.
Today's event did my heart well. I am so glad to see evidence of what I already know. I know that Black people aren't dumb or lazy. I will never forget as a child some of the things that teachers said to me. Teachers fail to realize sometimes the impact they have on a child especially with the things they say. Some teachers believe in stereotypes and they believe in them so much they pass them off to others as truth.
Where would these three individuals who made a pact to become doctors be today if not for people helping them and encouraging them? How many future doctors do we lose to the streets and violence because no one cares enough to give them the love and direction that they need.
It warmed my heart today to see that they were more mentors than mentees present at the event. I am glad that there are other people who see the need to help and that see the problems that need to be addressed. The sad part was there were about 30 kids that signed in but did not stay long enough to be mentored.
It pleased me to see so many parents sitting with their children. I saw a lot of loving faces today and kids that will be okay because of the parents they have.
I want to say thank you to the doctors. It doesn't take much. You can't always do it all but you should definitely do what you can.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
New Wave of Reality Shows
With every new season I wonder when will Season One of the Running Man is going to begin. If you think about what could be next. They have a reality show for everything and everyone seems to have one. It's no longer interesting. I miss tv shows with actors, actresses and bad plots.
But I digress, even though I miss the tv shows I do enjoy a reality show or two. And this season I think I will be looking at
Luke's Parental Advisory
The Cho Show
I will admit I was about to write off Margaret Cho's show as a Kathy Griffin my life on the D-List knock off. But after watching this show I forgot how funny she really is. I'm going to give it a chance.
But I digress, even though I miss the tv shows I do enjoy a reality show or two. And this season I think I will be looking at
Luke's Parental Advisory
The Cho Show
I will admit I was about to write off Margaret Cho's show as a Kathy Griffin my life on the D-List knock off. But after watching this show I forgot how funny she really is. I'm going to give it a chance.
Glam God with Vivica Fox
"Put that where back there!!!"
Was RuPaul busy? Was she the only one in Hollywood available to host this show. Miss Viv is beyond the help of a stylist she needs Jesus to fix all of that.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Dating Diaries: Breaking Up Is Easy To Do: 5 Simple Rules
I sign on to Yahoo and see this. It seemed fitting to write about.
1. Ride Off Into The Sunset
In college I took a class called American Western Movies . Give me a break, ok? It was summer session. But this class did teach me something. I learned I wanted to be a cowboy. They are so cool, collect, never play their hand, never look rattled, and they are always confident.
One thing they all did was ride off as the sun set on the horizon after their business was done.
Riding off into the sunset keeps our dignity. When a girl breaks up with me, I will say:
"OK, it was great getting to know you over the past (insert length of time). You take care."
My business is done.
Then, I will figuratively ride off into the sunset. I won t tell her how much I miss her. I won t tell her she made a mistake. I won t call, email or text. I won t mention her to mutual friends. I ll be gone from her life.
Suddenly, it will dawn on the girl that she is not getting her money s worth for this breakup. It is true: people who do the breaking up have an air of power to them. They like being the decision maker, and having the control. But after I walk away like it s no problem, she ll start to think:
"Wow, why isn t he shaken up over this? Did he even care that I broke up with him?"
Or even better, the ever-popular and coveted:
"Did I do the right thing breaking up with him?"
That s when you know you re in business.
Ok I didn't do this. I called back only once and asked for an explanation. I made him a CD before we broke up and I sent it to him. After that all communication is done
2. Apply the Wizard of Oz Effect
Of course, most likely, we are in total pain and anguish after a break up. But, we can t let that show. Remember:
"Pay no mind to that man behind the curtain?"
We can, behind the curtain, cry, complain, b---- , yell, be angry, and hurt. But, we must craft the appearance on the outside of being fine with everything. We need to look happy on the outside to the other person 100% of the time we see them post-breakup.
This also gives the illusion that you might be seeing someone else, or that you ve got other things going on. Of course you re miserable and there s NOTHING going on in your life, but they don t have to know it!
I think he knows how broken up I am and that I just pretend not to be. And I think a part of him gets a kick out that
3. Enact the Verb in Breaking Up
Get rid of all evidence of them. Put it all in a closet, under your bed, or anywhere. I m a sucker for a strand of hair or her shampoo smell left on a pillow after a girl is over. If broken up with, this must go: wash the sheets! Remember in breaking up, think of it like a guillotine make it fast:
On a guillotine, you d rather have a sharp blade slice your head right off than a blunt blade repeatedly cut and cut until finally your head finally fell off.
If it s a break up they want, make it clean for them. It will look good, and it will be easier on you. Flush them right out of your life immediately, and completely.
This I was able to do. He gave me a card for my birthday and he was so sweet and thoughtful. I had to get rid of it because I just thought to myself how can he feel one way and another way two weeks later. The picture of us I mailed to him. I don't know what he will do with it but I know I couldn't throw it away.
4. Don t Look Back
It s hard to accomplish this. We know not to look back, just like we know not to look down when someone says don t look down...but we still look down. But, make it easy on yourself: looking back and saying stuff like:
" Gosh, just two weeks ago, we were out to dinner and she stayed over here and we were so close... "de
...will just make it more painful. You can t look back until it s time to look back when you re truly over it.
I'm getting better at this. That is one of the hardest things to do. But I am getting better
5. Remember You ll Get Over It
The best thing about breaking up is those following mornings you wake up after you ve truly gotten over someone. You re renewed, alive, and ready to see what the world has to offer. Keep pushing through for this feeling, remember all those people you thought you d never get over (you know you ended up getting over them), and as Jim Morrison once crooned: " break on through to the other side! "
Well I don t know about you, but after going through all that, I m inspired to get dumped!
So, do you agree with these rules? Do you have any nightmare breakup stories? If a guy you dumped followed these rules, would you start reconsidering? Would you be annoyed if you dumped a guy and he didn t get upset?
This will be my new mantra. That and the fact that I've been through worse
1. Ride Off Into The Sunset
In college I took a class called American Western Movies . Give me a break, ok? It was summer session. But this class did teach me something. I learned I wanted to be a cowboy. They are so cool, collect, never play their hand, never look rattled, and they are always confident.
One thing they all did was ride off as the sun set on the horizon after their business was done.
Riding off into the sunset keeps our dignity. When a girl breaks up with me, I will say:
"OK, it was great getting to know you over the past (insert length of time). You take care."
My business is done.
Then, I will figuratively ride off into the sunset. I won t tell her how much I miss her. I won t tell her she made a mistake. I won t call, email or text. I won t mention her to mutual friends. I ll be gone from her life.
Suddenly, it will dawn on the girl that she is not getting her money s worth for this breakup. It is true: people who do the breaking up have an air of power to them. They like being the decision maker, and having the control. But after I walk away like it s no problem, she ll start to think:
"Wow, why isn t he shaken up over this? Did he even care that I broke up with him?"
Or even better, the ever-popular and coveted:
"Did I do the right thing breaking up with him?"
That s when you know you re in business.
Ok I didn't do this. I called back only once and asked for an explanation. I made him a CD before we broke up and I sent it to him. After that all communication is done
2. Apply the Wizard of Oz Effect
Of course, most likely, we are in total pain and anguish after a break up. But, we can t let that show. Remember:
"Pay no mind to that man behind the curtain?"
We can, behind the curtain, cry, complain, b---- , yell, be angry, and hurt. But, we must craft the appearance on the outside of being fine with everything. We need to look happy on the outside to the other person 100% of the time we see them post-breakup.
This also gives the illusion that you might be seeing someone else, or that you ve got other things going on. Of course you re miserable and there s NOTHING going on in your life, but they don t have to know it!
I think he knows how broken up I am and that I just pretend not to be. And I think a part of him gets a kick out that
3. Enact the Verb in Breaking Up
Get rid of all evidence of them. Put it all in a closet, under your bed, or anywhere. I m a sucker for a strand of hair or her shampoo smell left on a pillow after a girl is over. If broken up with, this must go: wash the sheets! Remember in breaking up, think of it like a guillotine make it fast:
On a guillotine, you d rather have a sharp blade slice your head right off than a blunt blade repeatedly cut and cut until finally your head finally fell off.
If it s a break up they want, make it clean for them. It will look good, and it will be easier on you. Flush them right out of your life immediately, and completely.
This I was able to do. He gave me a card for my birthday and he was so sweet and thoughtful. I had to get rid of it because I just thought to myself how can he feel one way and another way two weeks later. The picture of us I mailed to him. I don't know what he will do with it but I know I couldn't throw it away.
4. Don t Look Back
It s hard to accomplish this. We know not to look back, just like we know not to look down when someone says don t look down...but we still look down. But, make it easy on yourself: looking back and saying stuff like:
" Gosh, just two weeks ago, we were out to dinner and she stayed over here and we were so close... "de
...will just make it more painful. You can t look back until it s time to look back when you re truly over it.
I'm getting better at this. That is one of the hardest things to do. But I am getting better
5. Remember You ll Get Over It
The best thing about breaking up is those following mornings you wake up after you ve truly gotten over someone. You re renewed, alive, and ready to see what the world has to offer. Keep pushing through for this feeling, remember all those people you thought you d never get over (you know you ended up getting over them), and as Jim Morrison once crooned: " break on through to the other side! "
Well I don t know about you, but after going through all that, I m inspired to get dumped!
So, do you agree with these rules? Do you have any nightmare breakup stories? If a guy you dumped followed these rules, would you start reconsidering? Would you be annoyed if you dumped a guy and he didn t get upset?
This will be my new mantra. That and the fact that I've been through worse
Sunday, August 17, 2008
To Write or Not to Write
I started this entry on Sunday but then people started coming over and I had to stop. My original train of thought has changed.
As upset as I was the last few days I was not completely writing without rational. The Internet can be a good thing and a bad thing. As I was letting go of my feelings I wondered about the next possible guy or job interviewer who decided to Google me. If a person really wanted to find this blog they would and see my rant of emotions. I thought about the possible future consequences and decided to write anyway.
I needed to write. That was the best possible release for me. I didn't call my ex 1,000 times, I didn't drive to his house and demand that he take me back. Nor did I put his picture or post anything about him on Don't Date Him Girl.
I did have two civilized conversations with him and I decided against doing that again. It is really for the best. It is very unhealthy to think constantly if we are going to get back together. I decided a few days ago that even if he does want me back than he really isn't the man for me.
Before we broke up I made him two cds with some of my favorite songs. I'm going to send him the cd with the faster songs. The slow one I will give to my soror Lori. I'm going to also send him the one picture of us. I can't bring myself to throw it away but I don't want to keep it either. I don't know what he will do with it. I doubt he will keep it but that is up to him.
I've decided to just pray about it. I will get through this. I've been through worse...
As upset as I was the last few days I was not completely writing without rational. The Internet can be a good thing and a bad thing. As I was letting go of my feelings I wondered about the next possible guy or job interviewer who decided to Google me. If a person really wanted to find this blog they would and see my rant of emotions. I thought about the possible future consequences and decided to write anyway.
I needed to write. That was the best possible release for me. I didn't call my ex 1,000 times, I didn't drive to his house and demand that he take me back. Nor did I put his picture or post anything about him on Don't Date Him Girl.
I did have two civilized conversations with him and I decided against doing that again. It is really for the best. It is very unhealthy to think constantly if we are going to get back together. I decided a few days ago that even if he does want me back than he really isn't the man for me.
Before we broke up I made him two cds with some of my favorite songs. I'm going to send him the cd with the faster songs. The slow one I will give to my soror Lori. I'm going to also send him the one picture of us. I can't bring myself to throw it away but I don't want to keep it either. I don't know what he will do with it. I doubt he will keep it but that is up to him.
I've decided to just pray about it. I will get through this. I've been through worse...
Friday, August 15, 2008
I Can't Help It
I've noticed a lot of my cd purchases are of artists that need some PR help. One cause they are really screwed up or their dead. Not all but most of them. How I get around the public image that some of my favorite artists have is by remembering them at their finest. I will get to my issues about Amy Winehouse at a later date but more now let's talk about Mr. Jackson.
Does anyone really recognize the genius of Off the Wall? I think not. I chose to remember Michael Jackson the way he was when Off the Wall came out.
These are the lyrics to what has to be my favorite track. Sampled by many but nothing comes close to the original."I Can't Help It"
Looking In My Mirror, Took Me By Surprise
I Can't Help But See You
Running Often Through My Mind
Helpless Like A Baby
Sensual Disguise
I Can't Help But Love You
It's Getting Better All The Time
[Chorus]
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It Even If I Could
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It, No
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It Even If I Could
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It, No
Love To Run My Fingers
Softly While You Sigh
Love Came And Possessed You
Bringing Sparkles To Your Eyes
Like A Trip To Heaven
Heaven Is The Prize
And I'm So Glad I Found You Girl
You're An Angel In Disguise
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It Even If I Could
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It, No
And I'm So Glad I Found You Girl
You're An Angel In Disguise
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It Even If I Could
I Can't Help It If I Wanted To
I Wouldn't Help It, No
[Repeat To Fade]
100 Facts About Me
Yes I know. I'm stealing this idea from Sean so sue me. I'm suffering from a disease called blogger turrets as previously stated. It will pass sooner or later. I'm going to start off at childhood and now that I think about it I was probably an annoying kid. 100 Facts about Me
- The first time I went on a plane was a family vacation to Disney World. I was six weeks old. I'm sure we went because my brother even at the age resented my appearance into the world
- I sucked my third and fourth fingers for much longer than I care to admit
- When I was a kid I couldn't fall asleep unless my foot was in someone elses back
- I wasn't allowed to wear jeans till around the 4th or 6th grade
- I received one pink slip during my time at St. Brigid's from some red haired teacher (her name escapes me) for running in the halls. I told her I never did. I was I just wasn't fast enough
- My best friend Dana beat me up when I was five and she was three. Dana had really long nails for a kid and started scratching me. Her mom made her cut her nails after that.
- I had the smallest bedroom in my house but shared that room with my sister till I was six
- My sister had really bad cramps one day I was in first grade and she wouldn't play with me so I threw out her entire bottle of Advil because I was mad. When I turned 11 I finally realized how evil that was
- I started watching daytime soap operas on my own when I was 11 years old.
- I was a very picky eater as a child. I wouldn't eat eggs until much later in life
- I've always wanted a sister that was close to my age
- I can quote several episodes of the Golden Girls
- When I was a child I wanted to be a Cardiologist because I thought that was the only way I could afford to buy a Porsche
- I wanted my sister to name her daughter Alyssa if she was girl and Jonathan if he had a boy. I was watching Who's the Boss when she was born
- My two favorite islands as a child were Barbados and St. Croix
- My dad hated the regular movie theater he always took us to the Drive In. My mom hated the Drive In. The last movie my mom took me to see was License to Drive
- Out of the two Coreys I liked Corey Feldman better
- I want at least three kids, two boys and one girl.
- When those three kids grow up I want to have foster kids
- I never saw myself married but always saw myself having kids
- My first job was at McDonalds and on my first day at work Sean showed up while I was training.
- I didn't take the school bus my entire senior year of high school in the morning. I made my mom or my brother pick me up
- In middle school I've had my friends call a guy on three way and ask them if they liked me while I stayed quiet on the phone
- I had an unhealthy crush on Eddie Furlong after Terminator 2 came out
- Terminator 2 was the first movie that I saw in the movie theater twice
- The last movie my dad took us to see at Drive In was Coming to America
- Most of my favorite episodes of the Cosby Show involve Vanessa. Especially the one where she goes to Baltimore to see the wretched
- If I have sons I love the names Malcolm and Raphael
- If I have daughters I want to name them after typical male names e.g. Jordan
- I don't remember really listening to hip hop until middle school
- I wore a uniform to school everyday from the first grade to my senior year of high school
- Out of all my high school years I think 10th grade was the best
- When I was in high school I was a size 8 or 9 and I thought I needed to lose a few pounds
- When I was a kid my brother and I called our house the Raphael Hotel because every summer my house was full of visitors from Trinidad
- My first concert was to see Debbie Gibson. My dad took me when I was 10 years old. I won the tickets from Z100
- When I was young I had really long braids. One day I went into the bathroom and cut one of my braids off
- When I was a child I had a tendency to walk away from my mom in the store. At Great Adventures I had the entire park looking for me
- I was in the Gospel Choir freshman year, one of my most favorite after school activities
- I was a girl scout till 10th grade
- I want to live alone for at least a year before I get married
- When I was in high school I didn't believe in pre martial sex
- There was a point in my life that I prayed every night
- When I was a kid I took swimming, tap, ice skating and gymnastics lessons. I can't do any of those things today
- When I was younger I had a bike I could never ride because my brother always took it
- I wasn't allowed to leave the block by myself when I was a child
- I almost got hit by a car trying to catch the Ice Cream man that we called Uncle Jerry
- Now that I think about it I really don't think Uncle Jerry liked little black kids
- When my grandfather came to visit when I was a kid we would walk to the pizzeria and he would buy me a slice a pizza and welch's grape soda. (Total cost $1)
- I sobbed when Mufasa died in the Lion King
- The first Broadway show I saw was Rent
- I met my last boyfriend on match.com and am not opposed to the idea of Internet dating
- I've wanted to be a Zeta since I was 11 years old and never wanted to be anything else
- I never want to be in a relationship with another Greek
- My family comes to me to help plan vacations because they know I will search for the cheapest options when it comes to travel
- My favorite scenes from the movie Airplane is any scene that involves the black guys speaking Jive
- For many years all I ate at TGI Fridays was the chicken fingers and french fries
- For most of high school I thought I was going to be a clinical psychologist
- Some people think I have one too many pairs of shoes
- I've read every Harry Potter book and secretly think Daniel Radcliffe is kind of cute
- I dislike Jennifer Aniston. I don't think she is pretty. I don't think she is much of an actress either. And I think Brad upgraded when he left her for Angie
- The older I get the more cynical I feel
- For my senior prom I dropped off the other couples in the limo (even though they paid for the whole night) picked up my brother, Sean, Andrew and my cousin Donnie. We went to Bentley's in the city. The first and only time I visited the legendary club before it closed
- I actually like cutting the grass in the spring time the summer is a different story
- For a long time I felt like I didn't do enough for my Dad when he was alive. I also have a long list of things to ask him that I never got the chance to
- I have always wanted to go on vacation for a long weekend by myself
- I was a virgin till I was 21 years old
- I am addicted to Twizzlers
- I made it to Orange belt in karate
- I am better at saving money in my sock draw than I am with saving money in a bank
- When I lived on my own I used to return bottles to reduce my grocery bill
- There is only one person in the world that I can tolerate speaking to every day and that is Dariel
- I've only really been dumped once since high school. Jeremy broke up with me but never told me. I found out from Denise. I wasn't really feeling him anyway. I moved on quickly
- Even though I've only been dumped once I've had my heart broken several times
- I'm never seen all of Ferris Bueller's Day Off
- I enjoy skinemax and HBOZ porn
- At last count I may have at least 65 first cousins
- When I was a kid I didn't think my parents liked me much. There were just very stern with me and I took that the wrong way
- I used to be able to cook collard greens very well and cook well in general
- Even though I can cook I don't know how to make anything native to my country
- I've only dated one guy younger than me and that lasted about a week
- The summer before I left Albany I dated two different bus drivers (that drove the same bus #12 Washington
- When in high school, when Kizzy would visit we would spend the entire day getting ready just to get on the bus and go to the mall
- I was crazy for Taye Diggs and saw the Best Man three times
- I can't wait for my hair to be natural but a little scared at the same time
- I will spend more money on shoes and makeup but not clothes
- I'm secretly beginning to think everyone is a racist against everyone and no one can get past stereotypes
- I would rather sit at home with a video and popcorn then go out to the club
- I would love to live in another city for at least one time in my life. Cities on the list are Atlanta, Ft. Lauderdale, San Diego, San Francisco and Chicago
- I wasn't ready for college at 18 years old
- Before I became a Zeta most of the clothes in my closet were pink or green
- It is one of my personal goals in life is to be organized
- I maybe addicted to acupuncture
- When I younger I felt like I was going to die young and of something like cancer
- My favorite family vacation was to Hawaii
- If I could I would take a cruise at least once a year
- I really don't want a big wedding. The smaller the cheaper the better. And I would prefer it to be on an island
- I didn't have a mirror in my room for many years because I hated how I looked. I am glad to say now I brought a mirror and working on the way I look
- I'm writing this blog right now but my sister says I should be cleaning my room
- I am really good at trivia pursuit but never get the sports and science questions
- By my 30th birthday I hope to have accomplished at least two of my personal goals
That was easier than I thought
Can you make a Ho a Housewife
Now I'm not saying that I'm a ho. I'm really not. I have gone years without till I found the right guy and even then I still feel like I'm doing something wrong.
My cousin told me not to talk to him that would just confuse me. And like always I didn't listen. I was talking to the ex last night and nothing was different. We had the exact same conversation we had last week. I don't understand why we can be friends and lovers? I know there is something more to why he broke up with me but he is just not telling me.
My uncle says guys have a tendency to break up with someone and place the blame on the other person. Joesph feels that he is blaming to make himself feel better about his shortcomings. That makes perfect sense to my head just not my heart. I blame myself most days. I think to myself about all the men I meet and they want me just not the way I want to be wanted.
A lot of my relationships don't go far because I find out early that they want a physical relationship from me but nothing more. I am grateful for the fact that I know not to accept that. I guess I should also mention that most of the guys who have treated me like that were older.
Where did my attraction for older men come from? I've talked to guys around my age and there is no spark. I spark with older guys. I'm not saying I'm looking for anyone new now I am not. I am going to try to stay single for a little while until I change the way I approach these things. This is no grand declaration or epiphany just something I feel has to be done.
I think the bitter bitch songs are done now. What are those stages of grief again? I think I'm done with the anger.
My cousin told me not to talk to him that would just confuse me. And like always I didn't listen. I was talking to the ex last night and nothing was different. We had the exact same conversation we had last week. I don't understand why we can be friends and lovers? I know there is something more to why he broke up with me but he is just not telling me.
My uncle says guys have a tendency to break up with someone and place the blame on the other person. Joesph feels that he is blaming to make himself feel better about his shortcomings. That makes perfect sense to my head just not my heart. I blame myself most days. I think to myself about all the men I meet and they want me just not the way I want to be wanted.
A lot of my relationships don't go far because I find out early that they want a physical relationship from me but nothing more. I am grateful for the fact that I know not to accept that. I guess I should also mention that most of the guys who have treated me like that were older.
Where did my attraction for older men come from? I've talked to guys around my age and there is no spark. I spark with older guys. I'm not saying I'm looking for anyone new now I am not. I am going to try to stay single for a little while until I change the way I approach these things. This is no grand declaration or epiphany just something I feel has to be done.
I think the bitter bitch songs are done now. What are those stages of grief again? I think I'm done with the anger.
Bitter Bitch Song #2
Things are getting a little better. The feelings are really coming out. I think I shall exhale soon. I'm not so angry anymore but I am getting a kick out of my bitter bitch theme. I really should have named Breakup Song #1 Bitter Bitch Song #1 but I'm going to keep it as is. I will probably go to bed soon and get up in the morning and write some more.
Alanis Morrisette's "You Oughta Know" should have been number 1. You don't get much angrier than that. I am not this angry nor will I ever be. We all know the only person that makes me that angry is my brother and the sad part is he has no clue how resentful I really am. And he is so oblvious to everything I don't think he would get it if I tried to explain.
Alanis Morrisette's "You Oughta Know" should have been number 1. You don't get much angrier than that. I am not this angry nor will I ever be. We all know the only person that makes me that angry is my brother and the sad part is he has no clue how resentful I really am. And he is so oblvious to everything I don't think he would get it if I tried to explain.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Breakup Song #1
I thought about titling this post "bitter bitch" songs but that sounds less empowering. There are so many songs out there by women who are just hurt. This is one of my favorite ones.
Take The Box
Your neighbours were screaming I don't have a key for downstairs,
so I punched all the buzzers hoping he would be there
And now my head's hurting You say I always get my own way
But you were in the shower when I got there, and I don' wanted to stay, but I got nothing to say
You were so beautiful before today
And then I heard what you say…man that was ugly
The Moschino bra you bought me last Christmas Put it in the box, put it in the box
Frank's in there and I don't care Put it in the box, put it in the box
Just take it Take the box Take the box
I came home this evening and nothing felt like how it should be
I feel like writing you a letter but that is not me…you know meFeel so f*cking angry; don't wanna be reminded of you
But when I left my sh*t in your kitchen, I said goodbye to your bedroom and smiled at you
Mr False Pretence, you don't make senseI just don't know you
But you make me cry, where's my kiss goodbye?I think I love you
The Moschino bra you bought me last Christmas Put it in the box, put it in the box Frank's in there and I don't care Put it in the box, put it in the box
Now take it Take the box
Just take it, take it Take the box And now just take the box Take the box Take the box
Bloggers Terrets
I know I have been writing a lot lately. School starts in two weeks and I probably won't write in it again until the end of the year. I'm at work now and I'm just mad at myself.
I'm not in trouble but I just did something I shouldn't have done. I listened to people who think they know everything but don't.
Lesson learned.
I may come up with a thought or two later.
I'm not in trouble but I just did something I shouldn't have done. I listened to people who think they know everything but don't.
Lesson learned.
I may come up with a thought or two later.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
R.I.P Mr. Hayes
I remember when I saw this movie when I was a child I was unaware of the myth and legend that was Issace Hayes. I just remember thinking of him like an uncle. His voice was soothing and his demenour reminded me of family. Goodbye Black Moses
My Favorite Bernie Mac Scene
One of my favorite scenes from this comedian that is no longer with us. About two minutes in is Bernie's Daycare. Then he gets into the pilot of what will become the Bernie Mac show.
I was just wondering to myself
I've been looking at my past blog entries and I've noticed the same theme. Relationships or death. Talking too much is why (according to my ex) is why I am no longer in a relationship. I just thought to myself the next guy may read this blog and run the other way.
In a way I'm kind of like let them run. I don't have that many posts. If I had several posts a month on the same thing then I would think yes this bitch is crazy but I'm really not. One of my positive attributes is the fact that I've been okay single. I've never been one of these chicks that always needs a man.
I'm hurt. I'm angry and I deal with it by writing about it. Then I let it go. What is worse the crazy bitch that gets it out in her blog or the one that is at the restaurant when you are on the date with the next girl? That was never me.
In a way I'm kind of like let them run. I don't have that many posts. If I had several posts a month on the same thing then I would think yes this bitch is crazy but I'm really not. One of my positive attributes is the fact that I've been okay single. I've never been one of these chicks that always needs a man.
I'm hurt. I'm angry and I deal with it by writing about it. Then I let it go. What is worse the crazy bitch that gets it out in her blog or the one that is at the restaurant when you are on the date with the next girl? That was never me.
Man Nailed To Chair, With Nail Gun, By Girlfriend
An emotionally disturbed Brooklyn woman was charged Tuesday with torturing her boyfriend to death by nailing him to a chair and then cutting his throat, police said. Raquel Glenn, 53, duct-taped a plastic bag over Chiwa Chan’s head and used a nail gun to fasten him to a chair in their Bensonhurst home… Source
Emotionally Disturbed? Is that really fair? I don't think so. I often wonder about the why woman do certain things. People are often quick to call women crazy but are they really. One of my cardinal rules is "You always play a role in the shit that you find yourself in." I really believe that. I refuse to believe anyone is without blame. I don't say emotionally disturbed I would love to know what he did to push her to that point.
I think my next blog is going to be about "bitter bitch" songs. The songs that women right to make them feel good about themselves when a man has wronged them. I never advocate violence but those seem to be the better ones.
**Note I did a Google search for offbeat news to get my mind off of things and look at the irony that I find this. Getting over things is hard when they follow you and trust me it has been following. I just haven't mentioned it in this blog.**
Still Lost....
So I'm doing it again. The wonderful thing about the Internet is stalking from a far. I can stalk you and you will never know I'm doing it. I was never the sit in front of the house and find out who is there kind of chick. I never call and hang up (you can't do that anyway with caller id). But I will stalk via cyber space. My latest stalking venture is viewing my ex's activity via match.com. That is where we meet. An hour after he broke up with me his profile was back up and active. I just checked it again and he was online. This hurts like hell but I continue to do it anyway. To the 1.5 people that read my blog if you can think of a better way of healing leave a comment at the end of this post (I really don't expect a thing)
I'm watching on the DVR now Larry King's dedication to Bernie Mac. I still can't believe he is gone. More than anything I think of his wife and daughter. I know how it feels to lose your parent too soon but what I don't know is the sudden loss.
Then there is Ann. I work with Ann and she had to been married for almost 30 years. Her husband decided that he didn't want to be married anymore. I can't even imagine.
I feel for the other people that I know that are in pain now. But I can't help of think of my own. I feel so stupid most days. I set up this future for us before it could possibly happen. My friends say it's not stupid to open your heart up to someone. It's a dangerous thing fellow bloggers. I would do so much better with this healing thing if I knew when it was going to be done.
I remember Dana said to me once I can only get over a guy when I meet someone new to replace him. I told her she was crazy. Not so much now.
I'm watching on the DVR now Larry King's dedication to Bernie Mac. I still can't believe he is gone. More than anything I think of his wife and daughter. I know how it feels to lose your parent too soon but what I don't know is the sudden loss.
Then there is Ann. I work with Ann and she had to been married for almost 30 years. Her husband decided that he didn't want to be married anymore. I can't even imagine.
I feel for the other people that I know that are in pain now. But I can't help of think of my own. I feel so stupid most days. I set up this future for us before it could possibly happen. My friends say it's not stupid to open your heart up to someone. It's a dangerous thing fellow bloggers. I would do so much better with this healing thing if I knew when it was going to be done.
I remember Dana said to me once I can only get over a guy when I meet someone new to replace him. I told her she was crazy. Not so much now.
Monday, August 11, 2008
What to do with myself but
I have serverly neglected this blog. I never meant to but I just did. I guess I am writing because I am suffering from another break up and I hate to feel this way. The worse thing about any form of loss is being familar with it. I've been very familar with loss these days and the one thing I know about it is that it takes a long time to get it out of your system. Some things never leave. When my father died my childhood friend Brian said something to me that I will take with me till I leave this earth. He told me, "You never get over loss, just one day it doesn't affect you in the same way." That sums it up completely. If you ever experienced a death of a love one or a break up that should help you.
The thing that gets to me is when I'm going to get a break. I know trouble is not common to me and I know the entire world is going through something but I still look for the break from it all. There are some days that I just want to throw myself on an altar and just say "God please take away some of my troubles" "Lord just give me some peace" And I don't know why I can't do that. I guess that is the problem with religion you have to really have faith in order for it to work. Maybe I have to be like Jonah and lose everything to have real faith. According to the Bible God took everything away from him but he still maintained.
Another failed relationship under my belt. I told him I wanted to be friends but the truth is I like to imagine that all of my exes leave this world and live in another dimension. I never wish them harm but I usually never want to see them again. Usually speaking to them makes me think in my head and heart that we still have a relationship or there is a chance that we will get back together. I know this is unhealthy behavior but I engage in it anyway. Didn't they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different reaction. When will I stop doing that.
The funny thing about all of this is I knew something wasn't right but I ignored it. I decided not to be so insecure and ignore the warning signs. I still don't know what happened. One day I had a man that was so into me he wanted me to spend weekends at his house till "Let's just be friends" He says he felt like my psychologist and he was just counseling me. I tried my best not to dump but its very hard when you have troubles in your life. Then you meet someone that you share your heart, your body and your mind with you just assume they can handle your troubles. I guess not.
I think the worse part of this all is how I used to describe him to my friends as being like my dad. My father's loss still resonates in me like it was yesterday sometimes. I still cry for him even though he was in so much pain constantly when he was dying. I hated seeing him like that but I hated that day we put him in the crematorium as well.
I know I will get over this but when is when I ask myself. We were only together a few months and since he did the breaking up he has moved on.
Maybe I'm just sharing too much. Ironically this is the reason why according my ex is why I am single again.
The thing that gets to me is when I'm going to get a break. I know trouble is not common to me and I know the entire world is going through something but I still look for the break from it all. There are some days that I just want to throw myself on an altar and just say "God please take away some of my troubles" "Lord just give me some peace" And I don't know why I can't do that. I guess that is the problem with religion you have to really have faith in order for it to work. Maybe I have to be like Jonah and lose everything to have real faith. According to the Bible God took everything away from him but he still maintained.
Another failed relationship under my belt. I told him I wanted to be friends but the truth is I like to imagine that all of my exes leave this world and live in another dimension. I never wish them harm but I usually never want to see them again. Usually speaking to them makes me think in my head and heart that we still have a relationship or there is a chance that we will get back together. I know this is unhealthy behavior but I engage in it anyway. Didn't they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different reaction. When will I stop doing that.
The funny thing about all of this is I knew something wasn't right but I ignored it. I decided not to be so insecure and ignore the warning signs. I still don't know what happened. One day I had a man that was so into me he wanted me to spend weekends at his house till "Let's just be friends" He says he felt like my psychologist and he was just counseling me. I tried my best not to dump but its very hard when you have troubles in your life. Then you meet someone that you share your heart, your body and your mind with you just assume they can handle your troubles. I guess not.
I think the worse part of this all is how I used to describe him to my friends as being like my dad. My father's loss still resonates in me like it was yesterday sometimes. I still cry for him even though he was in so much pain constantly when he was dying. I hated seeing him like that but I hated that day we put him in the crematorium as well.
I know I will get over this but when is when I ask myself. We were only together a few months and since he did the breaking up he has moved on.
Maybe I'm just sharing too much. Ironically this is the reason why according my ex is why I am single again.
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