Meditation

I had hypnotist tell me once to imagine myself walking up a stairs, any grand stairs that pops into your head.  As you walk to the stairs, you realize your load is heavy and decide to drop things before stepping on to the first step.  I drop something, step up and right behind me is my Dad.  At first I'm happy and then I'm angry because the pain of his death I want to leave behind, but I keep walking cause I know that will never go away.  I continue up the steps and Dad is still one step behind me.  I reach the top of the stairs and I find the person I want to be, the person I was.  But Dad is still just one step behind. 

The person I want to be turns around and says to Dad, I'm good now, but he still stands there and gives me that smile and shrug.  My father didn't have to say a word but when I saw the smile and shrug that meant he thought I wasn't serious and I'm going to do this wheter you like it or not.

I decided to take my walk up the staircase to relax and try to have more than five hours of sleep.  I guess that's a wrap.

The Dating Chronicles

2010 begins my foray into dating and it is starting on interesting note. I say that because I am dating. I am looking and keeping myself open to the possibilities. But after all the nonsense Mr. G has put me through every time I hear that bbm ding a part of me hopes its him. He has been treating me a indirectly like a real dick even though I haven't been around to receive it. It's almost worse that he does it behind my back. Mr. G has painted a portrait of me that is just not true, so instead of waiting for him to change I've decided to move on. Even though I may not entirely be ready.

Well I had date #1 today. I had issue from before we met. I didn't like the offer of a back rub. I didn't care for the baby and sweetheart nonsense as well but I kept it moving. For 31 cross eyed seemed a little immature but what guy is not. We were supposed to meet last night and I'm glad he cancelled. I didn't have much time today because it was Nora's shower but I couldn't keep him at bay for much longer. He seemed very anxious to meet me. Peep the timeline.

2:11 -
Me: I'm leaving the Source mall now. Let's meet at the Starbucks closet to you.
Cross eyed: Ok I'm already dressed I will see you in a few minutes.

Now the Source mall is a few minutes further from this Starbucks than from where he lives. Literally up the block.

2:28
Me: Where is this fool
Me on the bbm: Line sisters have a blind date but about to leave. This fool has me waiting.
LS #3: Give him a few more minutes
Me: He knows I have a baby shower to attend
Me: I'm just sending you guys this bbm in case I end up missing
Me: I'm out

2:37
Me: Oh hi (as I'm walking out the door)
Cross eyed: Oh hi (hug and kiss) excuse about making me wait
Me: Who the hell is he looking at

2:40 - 2:53
useless jaber
Me: I should go
Cross eyed: Ok nice meeting you
Me: I will call you when I get home from the shower
Cross eyed: ok cool

and I'm out....

Now I know what the funk doctor Spock is going to say end it, but in these situations I just like to cease contact. I'm going to catch up with her on Thursday so we shall get her opinion then. It's a good thing I'm seeing her before date #2

Hey There Lonely Girl Valentine's Edition

I'm going to keep this short even though I have a lot to write about. Today was a good day. I thought about my Dad. Every year on Valentine's Day he always brought me a silk white rose and a box of chocolate. I won't go into why it was silk but my Dad knew what he was doing. That is just for the next guy to figure out.



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Listening to: P!nk - Don't Let Me Get Me
via FoxyTunes

To the left To the left

In the last few weeks, I've been bombarded with stories of breakups and bitter dudes

I will add a personal story to the list.

My friend from work went to another coworker (a girl we are both cool with) to tell her about the breakup. The coworker responded with "I'm sure Jess is really happy that you are single again now you have more time to spend with her"

What thee fuck!$!#%

Why would I be happy about a friend of mine breaking up with the guy she has been with for over a year. This was a guy that she talked about marriage with.

My friend said to my coworker, "Jess is has a full life she goes out more than me."

A week after we broke up I was at my frat brothers' barbecue a week later. People like to tell me that I'm strong but its really pride. I'm going to be sad but I'm not going to do the pity party because I'm single. Well OK I won't like I did the pity party a Saturday or two but a girl is entitled.

What would (even if you were thinking it) make you say such a thing. The only thing I can think of is before she got engaged that is what her life was like.


I saw this next story on Okayplayer. This chick made up this account on Twitter which has only two updates but brings you to this blog.

I ask females that I know all the time what do sites like this help mend a broken heart? Will returning a kidney change the fact that your wife cheated on you? I guess I shouldn't judge but there has to be a better way to deal with a loss other than bitterness and revenge. Or maybe pride is truly one of the seven deadly sins. Maybe my crying on the inside routine is no better than throwing a brick through someones window. (I never did that. A girl I know did. Not his window but his mother's house. They are married now)

What I wonder now is should I call the coworker out for what she said.



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Listening to: U2 - Pride
via FoxyTunes