I posted this on my myspace blog March 14, 2006. My original plan was to move all of my previous entries but I have decided not to. A lot of my early writing is very sad. I'm trying to get away from the constant sadness.
Young, Gifted and Black
Allow me to go off topic for a spell...
I think my favorite thing about this blog is the fact that I don't proofread it before I post it. I spell check it but I don't proofread. Throughout my entire life I have always been afraid of my written thoughts. My biggest concern was if I wrote people would see how I completely massacre the English language. To the people reading this you have no idea how much that fear held me back in life.
Well back to the topic at hand. What made me think of this topic to write about? The Black Eyed Peas. I really like their song "Like That" and after seeing the video again I realized I really like their new "Pump It". I then ask myself "Why did I ever dislike the Black Eyed Peas?" Okay I will still agree that "My Humps" is an atrocity but other than that are they really that bad? I think not.
Why did I really hate the Black Eyed Peas? Is it because of self-hate? Self- judgment? Two things I've lived my life trying not to do. Did I try to place the Black Eyed Peas into this very small box of how black people are supposed to act? I think I did. The irony in that is I myself have never been in the box of how black people are SUPPOSED to act. I remember being a child and hating myself. At different ages it was for different reasons. I think from about 3rd grade through about 7th grade I hated the fact that I was not white. I went to a school with a class of 22 kids. Only 7 of the 22 were black. 5 girls and 2 boys. I was just different. Not only was I a minority but I looked different than the 4 other black girls in school. I hated being so different. Around 7th grade I started hearing from black people that I was too white. I remember as a child constantly downplaying my parents' accomplishments because I didn't want people to think I was rich. We were never rich but at one point we were comfortable. I think it was 10th or 11th grade when I said "FUCK IT!" I'm just going to be me. I am a black kid from the suburbs. I am young, gifted and black. I am educated. I am what the black community could be. I am not better than any other black person because I grew up in the suburbs. I am success because of circumstance. If my parents didn't work as hard as they did I would be in a completely different place now. I think that is one of the reasons why the situation in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina affected me so much. I know if my circumstance were different that could have been me in the superdome for over a week. Every black person needs to remind them self of that.So I call out to all the black kids from the suburbs for a helping hand. Give just a little bit of what you have. Show a black kid from the city what hard work and an education can do for you.
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