Since You've Been Gone

For the last week I've inundated myself with Michael Jackson. I've watched videos countless times, listened to his music and watched interviews. I now realize that I am not giving the man the peace he wanted so much in life now that he is dead.

Every crazy article that has come out I've read. I've tried to imagine myself as a Jackson as even being close to being that big of a star. I did not think of myself in the public so much as how he was in his private life. What kind of private life can you have when they have to shut down a grocery store so you can just go food shopping.

The truth is I am ashamed. I am ashamed because I am not allowing Michael to do his job. His job was to provide us with music and entertain us and he did that 1000x over. I am ashamed because I feel like I've been using Michael. For the last week the circus around the man gone too soon has been my distraction. It has prevented me from dealing with all the crazy shit I have going on in my life. I've disguised the fact that I avoid all things difficult and painful in my life. Some people think I'm a saint for all the community service and time I give to other people. And for the most part it is selfless but I don't know if I believe anything in this life is completely selfless. Doing work for other people helps me avoid the personal pain. I think I'm being selfish because I feel if Michael was alive today he would gladly trade in my pain for his. There will never be another person in this world that could feel the same pain as Michael. The only other person the peoples Princess knew the same pain as Michael, but she too was taken from us too soon.

What I have to do is stop avoiding and live the life that Michael so much deserved.

Michael,
I pray that you find the peace in death that you could not find in life

Katherine,
I hope your faith gets you through this and I pray for you

Prince Michael, Paris and Prince Michael II
I know how it feels to lose a parent and I pray that the world allows you to mourn in peace

I pray for anyone that has lost a person that is important to them.



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Listening to: Michael Jackson - Gone Too Soon
via FoxyTunes

There’s no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there’s only up and down and down is very close to the ground. And I’m trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I’m thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.

Bob Dylan