If my father were still alive today it would be my parents 42nd wedding anniversary. That is such a wonderful thing to me and precious at the same time. I wonder if I will make it to that point and I know part of that is my fault. I am just so darn particular when it comes to men. They always say a woman always looks for a man like her dad and I say in my case that is impossible. There could be no one else like my Dad. I was cleaning my room Monday night, I took the things off of my dresser, cleaned them and put them back. I looked at the small glass vase that is now empty and I wonder if there will ever be a flower in it again. On Valentine's day, my Dad used to put a single rose in that vase. One year, I think I was in 10th grade he started giving me silk roses. I never needed the real thing, they just shriveled up and died anyway. My father was always practical he hated giving things you couldn't use more than once.
Every June when there is an epidemic of weddings I do two thing; I gag at all the cheesy weddings I have to attend or I put the cart before the horse. I think about what kind of wedding I want but I can't find a guy that I would even think about marrying. The wedding is easy to think about because its fun and it appeals to every girly sense I have. The man however is not easy. When I think of him, I think of a man that is like me. Since I am rapidly approaching 27 I know that is not possible. Another reason why I've been thinking about my wedding is my Mother. Now I love her with my entire being but she is driving me a little nutty. We are hosting a baby shower for my aunt and uncle and we are arguing very petty things. If we can't get through a shower without argument how would we get through planning a wedding? A few weeks ago, as I was returning home from a wedding in Syracuse I was on the phone with Shauna describing the wedding, bride bride bride blah blah blah.... The woman sitting next to me started telling me about her family and how she was returning home because her mother just passed away. I listened and I sympathized since I do know that feeling of losing a parent. Then she changes subjects on me and tells me I need to sit down and write down all the qualities I want in a man. At this point the train pulled into Penn Station she says goodbye and, "Congratulations on your engagement." I'm like I'm not getting married. She smiled and then walked away.
Now I'm thinking to myself what kind of happy pill is she on and do they sell it over the counter?
I keep hearing write the type of man you want and that is something I've never done. So I will give a list. I cannot write down the qualities of the man I want to marry because I'm not ready to get married yet. The man in my life right now does not have to be perfect because I certainly am not and I know I will never be. But the man I want in my life has to be working towards something. Okay now this is not a complete list. I'm only listing the things that immediately come to mind because those should be the most important. The other things are just extra.
- Intelligent
- Loyal
- Spiritual but not overly religious and Catholic
- Independent
- Believes in Family
Now for my list those things are very important. I can't be in a relationship with a man that I cannot talk to. What do we have if there is no loyalty if you are not on my side. Catholicism is very important to me. No I don't go to Church every Sunday but I do love the Lord. God has brought me through many difficult situations. I need a man that is independent the man in my life has to at least know how to take care of himself. In 2006, when I'm cutting the lawn and let's say I have a problem with the mower I can't go to any man my age for help. You don't have to cut the lawn but at least know how it works and make an attempt to fix it. This has nothing to do with some jobs mans work and some jobs being womans work. I don't cut the lawn because I want to but because I have to. You have to want a family. I feel as a mother I would have a lot to give. If the Lord does not bless me with my own children I will find a child somewhere that needs a home.
Is that too much to ask? I guess if it is then I shall be single for life.
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