Spirit

I've been watching and reading a lot lately about Religion and Politics and its place in this world.  I was inspired to write something about it while watching this documentary on PBS

One of the things that I feel is important to mention, is the fact that these black martial artists went to China and were just Kung Fu artists.  Not black, African American, Colored or Negro.  Just kung fu artists.  They also mentioned that Kung Fu starts with the breath and then moves into the stance.  The artists I am watching treat the art of Kung Fu as a spiritual experience.

Yesterday at work, our student worker mentioned a school district that was being sued for teaching a yoga class.  The parents of this school district felt that the principles of yoga infringed on their religious beliefs.  Before I actually started my practice, I could probably agree.  But again, this country suffers from the ignorance of the unknown.

Yoga Lawsuit: Encinitas Union School District in California Sued Over Classes

When I decided to take a yoga class for credit at school, I walked into with several expectations.  I would start slow but by the end of the semester, I would be super yogi.  I would start slow but by December stand on my head.

Now let me return to reality.  Yoga is not for the physically fit or the faint of heart.  It is real.
The entire semester, I never heard my teacher refer to yoga as exercise but as "practice".  Usually when you refer to practice, it means you are trying to prepare yourself for the "big game", but I learned that the "big game" in yoga takes years of individualized focused practice.  Let me repeat individual. 

Yoga in my years of practice

• Never told me what to believe
• Never told me I have to be in the best in the class
• Never told me I would never be super yogi without dedication
• Never told me I need to spend hundreds of dollars on materials to be the best
• Never told me I should not respect my God and personal religious beliefs
• Never told me I wasn't trying hard enough and I should do better

Yoga has told me

• Begin with the end in mind
• Listen to your body, do what you can
• Focus your mind on what is important
• Maintain your spirituality in your God (who ever that maybe)
• Taught me to focus on myself, to allow my practice to be for me and for no one else
• Not to compete with the other people in your practice, because everyone has their individual struggles and strength
• And so much more

Now I have been lucky enough to find instructors that have maintained these beliefs in the practice.  Like school there are some teachers that are better than others.  I really think to myself if some of these parents allowed themselves the gift of practice, to learn the Sanskrit and the principles if they would be so against their children finding the spiritual peace, my practice gives me.

Focus

Life is CRAZY!

It literally changes from day to day, hour to hour, minute by minute.  I'm having a small problem.  What should my focus be now that I am not an undergraduate student.  The outside situations and circumstances are making it very hard to decide

Insomnia

The computer really doesn't help, but I have to release the feeling.

I've had a few really rough days at work, but none of them compare to the feelings of loss, when it gets closer to April 1.  The day my life transformed into something I can't explain.

Almost 8 years and I still feel the pain of the loss. 

I still him everywhere and I don't know what creeps me out more...the fact that I do still see him or the fact one day he maybe gone from my thoughts and daydreams forever

Meditation

I had hypnotist tell me once to imagine myself walking up a stairs, any grand stairs that pops into your head.  As you walk to the stairs, you realize your load is heavy and decide to drop things before stepping on to the first step.  I drop something, step up and right behind me is my Dad.  At first I'm happy and then I'm angry because the pain of his death I want to leave behind, but I keep walking cause I know that will never go away.  I continue up the steps and Dad is still one step behind me.  I reach the top of the stairs and I find the person I want to be, the person I was.  But Dad is still just one step behind. 

The person I want to be turns around and says to Dad, I'm good now, but he still stands there and gives me that smile and shrug.  My father didn't have to say a word but when I saw the smile and shrug that meant he thought I wasn't serious and I'm going to do this wheter you like it or not.

I decided to take my walk up the staircase to relax and try to have more than five hours of sleep.  I guess that's a wrap.

Wow

I still can't believe it.....

I wondered so many times over the years what this would feel like.  I go on line to look at it again because the idea is so incredulous to me sometimes that I am actually a college graduate, I started this crazy road when I didn't have to.  I could of been gainfully employed as an employee of the state of New York.

I didn't cry...
I thought I would
But my knees did buckle a bit

Dad

I had a dream last night....

I fell down somewhere and ended up in my bed in lots of pain.  I was in my old twin size bed that I that I tossed in 2003 when I moved back to Long Island.  As I laid down trying to fight through the pain, I turned to my left and my Dad was rubbing my back.  Then helped me sit up.  My hair was a mess for some reason and my Dad took out a comb and started to comb my hair.  He combed a part down the middle and stopped.  I looked at my Dad and said to him "Daddy you are always here to take care of me"

Then I woke up

New layout again

I really like this.  Considering a flickr for all my best pics in addition to this blog

Doing too Much

I often wonder if I should censor myself on this blog.  That maybe it isn't a good idea to write without a few seconds with the Lord.  Well I guess it is too late now.

Since April, I've had three friends bury a parent and one friend bury a son.  This post is about happiness and if it actually exists after death.

I think of my life in two parts, before my father died and after my father died.  I go a few months or sometimes days with a feeling of joy and then something will happen or I have an ephiany about something.  I'm too smart and insightful for my own good sometimes.  I envy people who have the ability to be blissfully ignorant. 

I was going to write more, but it is too much for a Sunday....
I should of went to church