You said what now!@$!%

Life as I know it

2011-10-16T14:08:00.002-04:00

I have the fortunate knowlegde and experience of life before the internet and life after.

I just looked at my review sheet for my midterm tomorrow and I know I was in a complete fog the first two weeks of school. Thats ok I googled the answer

Google, easy bib, ejournals. How the hell do you young people learn

My Fear

2011-09-22T16:47:00.002-04:00

I secretly walk around with a fear for the black men in my life. It's fear of law enforcement.

Accidental shooting

Justifiable homocide

Excessive force

My life felt threatened

Phrases often heard in the black community when describing issues with law enforcement.

Thats all I have to say about that

Writers Burnout

2011-09-06T22:04:00.003-04:00

My last post so long ago was about writers block. I don't have writers block I have writers burnout.

Big difference. I've been reading again and that makes me happy. So what if I re read the Potter series. It ended this summer, I needed the recap in order to accurately rip apart the final film.

I think despite all the crazy it will be a good semester for me academically. The fall semester always is. If everything goes according to plan, this will be my last semester as an undergraduate.

Then what....

No idea. ...............

Being an undergraduate is my current excuse for everything (viable excuse). I'm glad I won't have the crutch anymore, but damn it will be a challenge to learn how to live. Especially after 15 years of an undergraduate career.

Reading Gogol now for my crime and punishment in World Lit class. My professor is a sweet man. The older ones with the experience and without the arrogance always make the best teachers. I'm glad for our first go at things he chose a book that is well written and interesting.

Writers Block

2011-07-08T22:50:00.002-04:00

I've been truly neglecting this blog and I know why. I can't write a paper for school let alone write my random thoughts in my blog.

.......

If you have any ideas on how to get over writers block let me know

Slowly...Surely

2011-04-12T23:56:00.002-04:00

Slowly Surely I walk away from that old

desperate and daze of love

caught up in the maze of love

the crazy craze of love

thought it was good

thought it was real

thought it was

but it wasn't love

This is not a test.

This is not a poast about love...its a poast about...thought it was....

Anyone can fall in love with a thought or an idea. This song is about escape to me. Thinking about a reality that doesn't exisit is a defense mechanism. You can't address the problems of today if you are are caught up the crazy craze of love and not the current reality of your life today. Why live in the world of crazy love when you are currently single? Why plan a graduation trip when you have a ton of school work in the Spring semester to complete? Don't start buying clothes for a new job that you haven't applied for that just sounds perfect to you because you thought it was....

You ever just feel....

2011-02-15T19:15:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had a feeling that you couldn't explain? I had a conversation with a friend recently. From what I understood from her is that is was more upsetting to go through the moods. To go through the ups and downs.

I don't know how to continue to write without further delving into something that need not be on my blog

New Year, New Layout

2011-01-29T23:12:00.002-05:00

It probably won't stay but I needed the change. It seems that the more interaction I have with people, the more I want to teach. I keep the books because of my constant desire to learn.

Two days from now I will be back in Professor Fouron's class.

Hindsight - recognition of the realities, possiblities or requirements of a situation, event, etc. after its occurence Reference

I'm excited because he inspiries me. I'm excited because I feel like he teaches what's important. We don't always see eye to eye.
But that is life

He teaches me that's OK. If that is OK in the classroom it is OK for life.

Tumblr womp womp womp

2011-01-22T22:28:00.002-05:00

So the Tumblr went bye bye

The blackberry app just had too many issues

There was no resolution or recap post for 2010.

Part of it was due to the stomach flu.

Part of it due to not wanting to look backwards.

Time to start wanting more positive things in my life.

I will probably go to church in the morning and pray to God for tolerance. Now I'm not about to start sprouting hate.

I must admit that I am not always patient with people who stay in ruts,
who use other circumstances and choose not to change.

No one is perfect.

I get that.

I don't get not wanting personal change and growth.

I have to accept people for who they are and how they want to stay.

But...

I will never accept people who choose to purposely hurt people just because they can.

Coming from where I'm from

2010-11-09T19:58:00.002-05:00

I wasn't sure what I was going to do with this blog since I just started a tumblr account. After a day I decided I need to keep this blog. It's been with me for a long time to give it up.

I would love to get to the point in my life where I can have the strain of my undergraduate education off so I can just write. There is much that goes on in the world and I have yet to speak on it.

There is more to me than my whims, undergraduate education and relationship woes.

I have a sound mind and the ability to form an opinion of my own.

I have the courage to share it.

Tumblr will have to be for those short outbursts I have and can't tweet in 140 characters.

Deception

2010-11-02T21:21:00.002-04:00

It's betrayal
It's dishonesty
But this time it's not my own....

Do you feel bad because you know its wrong?

Do you get angry because your warnings went on deaf ear?

Do you wish disaster because you feel like they should have listened?

How do you handle deception?

"We are never decieved, we decieve ourselves" - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sunday September 26

2010-09-26T12:23:00.002-04:00

I've had a lot on my mind lately. A Soror of mine who was in a relationship with our Frat brother decided to post the story of the demise of her relationship on facebook. It's very ironic that my friend hates being guilty by association but that is the life of a member in a Greek organization. This couple made it a blue and white problem instead of a Irene Dennis issue.

I woke up incredibly sad this morning and that is a hard feeling to come to terms with because...

It could be worse
I know it can be worse because I've been through it
I never allow myself to feel
I will forever be riddled with Catholic School guilt.

Mom is calling me for breakfast. It's 12:30 and I'm just getting out of bed. FML
We'll talk later

Sleep Well Ms. Horne

2010-05-10T01:54:00.002-04:00

Lena Horne

June 30, 1917 - May 9, 2010

Without plastic surgery, crazy diets, photoshop or air brushing this woman was the epitome of beauty. The world mourns your loss but I pray for your family that lost its matriarch on mother's day.

Interview with the ....

2010-01-25T22:58:00.002-05:00

Dating: It has occurred to me very recently that I do not have the energy to try to convince men of how awesome I am.

I cannot take credit for that quote I saw it on twitter. I am way too tired to fully delve into the subject but it is how I feel. Blog family it is 2010 and I'm tired. Tired of trying to lose the weight, tired of trying to graduate, tired of trying to get my paper right and tired of the never ending search for happiness in a relationship and family.

My father always used to say to me "we cannot be a jack of all trades and master of nothing". There are so many areas of my life I want to address and do well at. The other areas its hard for me to put on a back burner until I fix the most important. I need to graduate and get healthy.

In addition to writing which is always good for my soul, I'm going to pick up my Bible a little more.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up - Galatians 6:9

----------------
Listening to: Hillsong Music Australia - Eagles Wings
via FoxyTunes

Memories

2010-01-25T22:53:00.002-05:00

Like the Corner of My Mind....

I was given the task to write down all of the memories of my childhood or the events that happened to me that have stuck with me. I can't write about the painful things on my blog but I will write about other random tidbits and lately I've been trying to start as early as possible.

I remember being a kid don't recall how old and watching the movie Commando for the first time. I recall Rae Dawn Chung saying in the movie "I can't believe this macho bullshit!" I told my Mom she laughed but for some reason Uncle Keith and my sister were not too happy I could quote this line.

I remember my brother playing track and field in the basement with my Uncle Rawle. I remember the summer day Eric's friend Lance came over and played with us. He was always so tall and beat us in the jumping contests that irritated me.

I'm going to end here because what I want to write I can't because the memories are too painful and even though I've been given the task I'm not really ready to deal with the issues at hand.

I mean everyone has issues...

Dating Chronicles Part 2

2010-01-25T22:48:00.002-05:00

This entry is waayyyyy over due. I went out on date #2 last Friday and did not write about it. No funny name for this one. Even though him and I didn't click he is still a nice guy. Just no spark with me. The sad part is I have yet to move on and I may not spark with anyone that does not have a goatee.

I guess I'm not really in the mood to talk about my date itself but I will talk about my issues. He sleeps every night at 9pm. Kind of goofy and chubby not stocky. I know my body isn't fly yet either but damn. For a person that goes to the gym almost every day what the hell is he eating? I know this post is a bunch of rambling but in mi vida loca so much has happened since this date its hard to write about now.

For the meek shall inherit the earth...

2010-01-16T01:19:00.005-05:00

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land.
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I remember being a young girl in Catholic elementary school and we were required to know the 8 Beatitudes. We were many a times tested on them. Since the tragedy that occurred in Haiti this past week I've been thinking about them even more. We here from deeply religious people that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but one must ask; how much more is Haiti to endure.

When I first heard a massive earthquake hit the small island of Haiti, my first thought went to Sandrine. I knew she was home but for a split second my heart broke at the thought that if this occurred a week ago I could have lost a woman who has become my sister. God must have a plan for it should be known that I would not function well without her.

My thoughts are still with her. Never in the 6 years I've known her have I heard that kind of pain.

I know I am all about the photos. But this time I could not post them. Well for one they are all over the Internet. I cannot in good faith post those pictures because those are not the images I want on my blog of Haiti.

I watched the news today. Good Morning America as I always do. There was a story about a white girl that lost her leg. Another story about a white couple that is adopting an orphaned Haitian child. When tragedy strikes white people as individuals are great. White people as a group (e.g Bush Administration during Katrina) not so much. I thought to myself today "Why do I feel soooo bad?" Is it because I see people in pain that I love or is it because I don't feel well because I cannot take away a loved ones pain?" I think that is why we are bombarded with hundreds of stories of white people doing these selfless things. It is there way of wiping the slate clean.

Haiti was the first independent country in the Western Hemisphere. How does a country go from the first to gain independence to a third world nation. I do not blame the people of Haiti I blame their management. The government has failed this country for many years. My hope for Haiti my prayer is that this tragedy is the opportunity to rebuild and be the country it could be. I don't post photos of Haiti today because I chose to see it for what it could be and not for what it was.

----------------
Listening to: Donnie McClurkin - We Fall Down

The Dating Chronicles

2010-01-10T20:02:00.002-05:00

2010 begins my foray into dating and it is starting on interesting note. I say that because I am dating. I am looking and keeping myself open to the possibilities. But after all the nonsense Mr. G has put me through every time I hear that bbm ding a part of me hopes its him. He has been treating me a indirectly like a real dick even though I haven't been around to receive it. It's almost worse that he does it behind my back. Mr. G has painted a portrait of me that is just not true, so instead of waiting for him to change I've decided to move on. Even though I may not entirely be ready.

Well I had date #1 today. I had issue from before we met. I didn't like the offer of a back rub. I didn't care for the baby and sweetheart nonsense as well but I kept it moving. For 31 cross eyed seemed a little immature but what guy is not. We were supposed to meet last night and I'm glad he cancelled. I didn't have much time today because it was Nora's shower but I couldn't keep him at bay for much longer. He seemed very anxious to meet me. Peep the timeline.

2:11 -
Me: I'm leaving the Source mall now. Let's meet at the Starbucks closet to you.
Cross eyed: Ok I'm already dressed I will see you in a few minutes.

Now the Source mall is a few minutes further from this Starbucks than from where he lives. Literally up the block.

2:28
Me: Where is this fool
Me on the bbm: Line sisters have a blind date but about to leave. This fool has me waiting.
LS #3: Give him a few more minutes
Me: He knows I have a baby shower to attend
Me: I'm just sending you guys this bbm in case I end up missing
Me: I'm out

2:37
Me: Oh hi (as I'm walking out the door)
Cross eyed: Oh hi (hug and kiss) excuse about making me wait
Me: Who the hell is he looking at

2:40 - 2:53
useless jaber
Me: I should go
Cross eyed: Ok nice meeting you
Me: I will call you when I get home from the shower
Cross eyed: ok cool

and I'm out....

Now I know what the funk doctor Spock is going to say end it, but in these situations I just like to cease contact. I'm going to catch up with her on Thursday so we shall get her opinion then. It's a good thing I'm seeing her before date #2

A Wise Man Once Said

2010-01-03T23:11:00.001-05:00

when a woman meets a man, she hopes he'll change
when a man meets a woman, he hopes she'll stay the same

they usually both end up being disappointed

Now is not the Time for Grand Declarations

2010-01-02T12:13:00.003-05:00

Just letting the thoughts stream....

For the record, I must note that I'm watching He's Just Not Into You for the second time in two days. I wonder how many times I will have to watch it for the message to sink in.

Grand declarations or Resolutions...
I made one but to my line sisters in the privacy of our bbm chat. I know they won't hold it against me if my declaration doesn't come true.

Writing is good for the soul. Maybe I should invest in that wireless router so I can use the internet as I wish.

Will probably edit later. I must shower so I can be with my sisters.

What I will think about are my positive changes that 2009 has brought

The Decade in Review

2009-12-31T20:53:00.002-05:00

At first when I started to write I was just going to do a year in review but there were a lot of things that happened to me in the 00's. Why not decide to share. I really should have planned this better with accompanying photos

2000

I will never forget the New Year's going into the new century/millennium. My friends Dana and Elizabeth were there as well as Dana's friend Deseree. Eric's usually crew came through as well in addition to my cousin Perryn. We must of thrown confetti in every part of the house (my parents were not at home). I want to say that was also the night we lost Sean but found him. This was also the year I turned 21. I spent my 21st birthday at first with the ladies of okayplayer at our first and only sisterhood day and then Elizabeth and I went to a bar on the upper east side. This was also the year I lost my virginity.

2001

The New Year's Eve going into this year I was 21 but no where to go because I was recovering from surgery. I had my first real job in the group home. First time I had health insurance which would prove useful that year. I started having sex and was able to get my own birth control without alarming the parental units. That year I was the thinnest I had been in a while. This year we were a changed nation because of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. Life as we knew it would never be the same. I went on my first cruise with him that year too.

2002

Many things happened this year but only a few worth mentioning. This was the year I got my first 9-5 office job. This is the year my father finally got the kidney transplant he had needed for the last 10 years and of course that was the same week I lost my granny.

2003

January of this year Elizabeth and I embarked on our girls trip. I really thought it would have been the first of many but it was a vacation to never forget. This is the year I also found out on my birthday that my father had prostate cancer. In 2003, I also said goodbye to my Auntie Len. I made the big move back from Albany to Long Island and began my employment as a state worker for Stony Brook University.

2004

Treatment for Dad's cancer worked for a while and this also marked 40 years of marriage for my parents. We celebrated by taking that cruise my father always wanted to do and had the time of our life. That August, he started to get worse. October Dad's cancer went from bad to awful and New Year's Eve I found out my Dad would be dead in 3 months. I knew this in the back of my mind and I tried to spend all of my waking time with my father. Oh yeah I also started college Fall 2004.

2005

It was hard to stay positive this year knowing my father was going to die. My father would never get that house in Florida he wanted to retire in and travel during the hurricane season. My father would never walk me down the aisle or see my children. What I do remember from that time before he died was the gift I felt the Lord gave me. I wanted to take some time off so put in for my Spring break. Ironically that week my car would be repossessed and I would have no mode of transportation. I would spend a lot of time with my father and for some strange reason he was feeling good. He actually got up and made me breakfast something he wasn't able to do in a while. I was feeling positive up until that Easter morning. I saw my father sit in his chair and it was almost as if he was already gone. We went to my Uncle Lynn's house for dinner and came home where my father was up all night. I had to go back to work that day so I got dressed and said bye to my Dad and I would see him when he got home. My mom ended up taking him to the hospital where I spoke to him for the final time when he said he was OK. Later that night about 10:00 my Mom called from the hospital to tell me and my brother come to the city your father will probably not make it through the night. So I called my sister, my Uncle Lynn and my cousin Kizzy. Then put my clothes on to go say goodbye to my father. I saw my Dad in the hospital bed before the put him on the life support machine. We had a priest come in and do his last rites. I held my father's hand and he squeezed it back. I know my father died that day but we took vigil in the hospital for the rest of the week waiting for family to arrive to say goodbye. Everyday I went there and talked to my Daddy like he was still alive and that a miracle would happen and he would come back to me. He never did. That Friday we disconnected the machine and watched the heart monitor go down as the life the machine was providing left his body. Two weeks later we would say goodbye to my cousin Arlene's husband Lenny. Two months later we would say goodbye to my grandfather and two months after that I lost my godfather. What else can I say about this year but it has changed me forever.

2006

I decided to cope with my loss was to not have time to deal with it. I went back into my studies and one day walking on campus saw the flyer with almost an auroa surrounding it. Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated informational April 2, 2006. This year I would embark on a journey that I always felt destined to take. I began my journey April 2 and started on a new path December 2, 2006. I learned many things that year. Some things I'm not going to put on the blog. Some things will stay with Fall 06

2007

I had many expectations for this year and it was a blur. I threw myself in school work and sorority and was maintaining for a little while. Who would know that this would be the gateway to about 60 pound weight gain. Oh yeah I left the hell I was in for a new one. Made the job switch from East to West campus.

2008

Much of 2007 but with more personal strife and weight gain. One thing that did change was deciding to make some changes. In November, 2008 I moved out of my mother's house and into my own studio apartment. Oh my Academic career was in the toilet.

2009

DIRTY THIRTY - was this year perfect nope but I made the best of it. I had another car accident which forced me to my chiropractor who introduced me to the diet that would actually work for me. My boss introduced me to the therapist who is actually helping me and I traveled. This year I saw Hawaii, Dominican Republic and Toronto. The best part was not only my trips. The best part was snorkeling in Kona, zip lining in Kauai and finally doing everything I had been scared to do for so long.

There is more to the last 10 years that I care to write about. I may edit at a later time but for now I have to get myself ready for a New Year's Eve house party. Which I hope will be the best way for me to start off my year.

A Review of last night

2009-12-27T13:44:00.002-05:00

I know myself enough to know never to have these conversations that are too hard and confrontational when I'm upset. They never come out right.

Maybe its time for restraint

Best of Me by Mya

2009-12-27T04:01:00.002-05:00

You can't make this shit up son. Someone went through this before. 100 bucks says they weren't 30 and if they were they knew better.

Mya-
You put me on
I can�t let let him go no
Can�t let you get, oh no

Verse 1:
He has a little game that he plays
Clever little ways and a hot boy style
Racks up on the dough that he makes
Flash a little cash watch girls wild out
Lately he�s been checking for me
Telling me how much he wants to be
Wants to be the one to replace
Replace the man that waits at home for me

Chorus:
Oh no I can�t let you
Get the best of me
Even though deep inside
Something�s dying to see
How you flow out them clothes
Then you put it on me
Feelings coming on strong
I know that it�s wrong
I can�t let you get the best of me
The best of me

Verse 2:
So busy trying to play with my head
Telling me how he could blow my mind
Something about the things that he said
Made me want to take it there one time
I should be walking away
Cause his hands up on my thigh
Should I leave, should I stay?
After all it�s just one night

Chorus

Jadakiss- verse 3:
Yo yo yo I got so many bags of money
That they won�t fit in the bank
And i�mma do this just like tony did it to frank
But i�mma make sure both y�all win
Let him keep the place you move
And i�mma pay both y�alls rent
So forget about the condo and come to the crib
Cause the castle over the mountain come with a bridge
You know literally we can go shopping in italy
Hand on her thigh she don�t wanna get rid of me
And she don�t drink or know how a l look
Chanel look mixed with the pete arnell look
You just stay pretty while I�m running the city
When I whip the v you can hold the joint if you with me
Vacation cost a hundred and fifty we living it up
I put it on your ass if you giving up
And you know I�m not a hater
And if you feel bad then you can call him later
And tell him you all jada�s

Mya-
Oh no I can�t let you
Get the best of me
Even though deep inside
Something�s dying to see
How you flow out them clothes
Then you put it on me
You ain�t gonna get to me
You can�t get the best of me

Chorus

Oh no I can�t let you
Get the best of me
Even though deep inside
Something�s dying to see
How you flow out them clothes
Then you put it on me
Oh yeah, oh...

I have this Ice Box Where My Heart Used to Be....

2009-12-27T03:48:00.002-05:00

I tried....

No one can't say I didn't. I was given advice that I wasn't ready to be married because I never really dated. Now I know if I want to be technical I didn't date in this situation but I tried going in not to be soft and pink. (c)Wendy Williams

This entire situation is not entirely my fault. I believe in personal accountability but I cannot take complete ownership. All I wanted was honesty and respect. I asked for that but I was not fully prepared at all at the fact that he wouldn't give it to me.

I set the requirements....
I laid the ground rules....
and he chose not to follow....
I didn't ask for commitment....

Now my role in the shit I just got myself in.
Thinking I can actually have an icebox and thinking that I wouldn't develop feelings.

But for all those in the cyberspace would you really think if you invited the next chick your fucking to the get together the chick already there wouldn't feel some type of way about it? How fuckin dare you! How dare you try to dance and feel up on both of us like that shit is cute.

Now I wonder what he is thinking or will he even approach me about this? I wonder if he will think that I'm just acting this way because I caught some type of feelings. The truth is I did. But that is not why I'm mad.

My next move is very important. I need to plan my moves accordingly so I come out smelling like fuckin roses even though I'm at a loss.

My Life in Photos

2009-11-29T21:10:00.006-05:00

Some of my photos....

This photo sparked much conversation on facebook. Many complements to Ashley Clarke and the Fraser thighs

Anderson is not being coy here but trying to hide inebriation.

Dana and I are dorks...n/m

And we sleep...

A day at the St. Brigid's Fair. I really thought I was going to kill Headache #1 and Headache #2 but they were really good.

The only selective focus shot I was able to take. I would love to know what settings on my camera were.

I'm so not Ready

2009-11-29T18:56:00.002-05:00

Ball of Confusion

2009-11-29T18:40:00.003-05:00

Thank the Lord no one reads this blog of mine and I can speak freely. Men can put you through it so much that I want to write about it but I know I'm just going to give myself a headache

URGHHHHHH!!!

EDIT:

I really don't know what to do.

I'm going to now say what I want to say but don't know if I can suffer the consequences of my feelings. The consequences being either he hears what I have to say and understands or he walks away.

Hopefully writing in this blog will give me the courage to say what I have to say.

We first met and had fun
The second time we met we had fun and took it further...
During our second meeting we talked about us and where we were going.
The third time we met not so good. You pushed me away because you thought I was getting too close. I thought to myself, "This is bullshit!" Stated my case and left him be.
Fourth time we met...you wanted me. You called me and I came and we had fun!

Things were going well. Anytime we get close you throw up roadblocks. And the reason is you don't want anyone to develop feelings. The problem is I don't think its my feelings your thinking about developing I think its yours.

You know what? I took a lot of time to just say something so simple.

----------------
Listening to: Omarion - Ice Box
via FoxyTunes

The Battle for Health Care Reform

2009-09-25T20:34:00.002-04:00

The haves and the have nots
The insured and the uninsured
Health care reform, public options, death panels, waiting six months for a x-ray. These are all common phrases being spoken in the media in regards to the health care reform bill that the President is proposing. I went from a working young adult with no insurance to working for a hospital receiving excellent health benefits. The irony of this is my new job put me behind a computer billing people who were just like me, working with no coverage. I went from receiving a medical bill and not being able to pay it, to billing someone $2000 for a MRI.

I decided to visit the white house official web page to see exactly what all the discussion was about.

I want to highlight a few points of the President's plan.

If You Have Health Insurance

Prevents insurance companies from dropping coverage when people are sick and need it most

If You Don't Have Insurance

Creates a new insurance marketplace – the Exchange – that allows people without insurance and small businesses to compare plans and buy insurance at competitive prices

Reins In the Cost of Health Care for Our Families, Our Businesses, and Our Government

Creates an independent commission of doctors and medical experts to identify waste, fraud and abuse in the health care system
Requires large employers to cover their employees and individuals who can afford it to buy insurance so everyone shares in the responsibility of reform

Now exerts that I just shared from the White House website is not what I was looking for. What I really wanted to see was how the bill will be drafted in Congress, but since it has yet to make it to the floor, I will with what I have.

Now the President's plan is extremely ambitious. After reading it, I see the good but I see it as very idealistic as well.

The President wants to force insurance companies to continue medical coverage for people even after they exhausted their benefits. Most insurance companies will only allow you a certain amount of doctor, clinic or emergency visits a year. After you reached your max, the insurance company has the legal right to deny you coverage. So what happens if you get sick and need additional coverage? Critics of the President's plan say you have the option of going to the Emergency Room. Let's say you have the flu and need antibiotics and you go to the Emergency Room. Well working for a hospital, I know they charge you $500 just to see there and see a Triage nurse. If you leave before you see a doctor then we will just bill your insurance company. If the insurance company decides to pay the bill they will give the hospital around 65% of the total bill and then we just write off the balance. Case #2 the insurance company denies your claim. The hospital comes after you for the entire balance. If they gave you 2 Motrin for pain the hospital will bill you and expect payment. The patient is responsible for the entire bill, but what if you cannot pay? We give you six months of harassing phone calls and then we either send your bill to collections or the attorney general. The lucky ones go to collections. The New York State Attorney General will harass, stalk and threaten till a payment arrangement is made. If that doesn't work they just garnish your wages, put freezes on all of your assets and take your tax return. If you speak with an opponent of the President’s plan the first response to my rant on the high cost of health care is for the uninsured to go out and get a better paying job with better benefits. For anyone that has been unemployed knows doing this can be difficult.

The Exchange:

I honestly did not know the evil “public option” is when I read this. When created a forum for people to shop for what type of coverage is appropriate for them. After reading that, I am stunned at the people that accuse the President of Socialism and Communism. Initially I am stunned that people believe it to be the same thing. When I get over that shock, I am frightened that people think that nationalized health care was socialist. The President is giving Americans a choice. Choice and competition are two fundamental aspects of Capitalism. With competition, comes better service and innovation because the forerunner will have the best product available. I am not a student of Marx or Russian history but I do know that Stalin wouldn’t allow any option. Under Communism, everyone has the exact same coverage and there was no room for criticism. Critics of the Russian government under Stalin were either killed or sent to prison camps in Siberia. If only we could banish critics to frozen barren tundra never to be heard from again (cough, cough Alaska).

The last two points I’m conflicted on. I do not agree on a creating an independent commission of doctors to examine fraud. We have enough government agencies that are largely ineffective and sorry Mr. President I do not agree with you creating another one. The important part to this piece of legislature is to require large companies to provide health insurance for their employees. To the opponents of the President’s plan I ask, “Do you enjoy walking into a Wal-Mart or Target and having everyday household items available to you at low affordable prices?” If there response is yes my next question would be, “Do you value Americans?” The only reason why families such as the Walton’s (who own Wal-Mart) are among America’s wealthiest is because they sell refurbished good at a low cost while exploiting their employees. They are able to provide the middle class American $200 lap tops on Black Friday by paying their employees nothing and providing no benefits. There is value in everyone; the employees of Wal-Mart and Target provide a service that many Americans would chose not to do. For that kind of sacrifice, is it wrong to expect decent coverage if they fall ill?

The bigger problem in this country goes beyond health care. The bigger problem is the rhetoric and this constant abuse of free speech. I can understand being fundamentally against health care reform but instead of working to create a bill that will compromise both sides politicians fight their battles on television. Congressmen and Senators are elected promising to represent and voice the opinions and concerns of the district or state they represent. Michelle Bachmann spends more time on Fox News then she does in Washington D.C doing the job she was elected and paid to do. Of course since she goes on television and preaches the gospel according to Glenn Beck her constituents feel she is doing her job.

While the battle continues, people get sick and die. Whether you support the President’s plan or not be informed on what he is trying to do. Read what he plans for himself and do not listen to the people who are seeking political gain, because you never know when the Attorney General will call for payment.

The World Is Ruled By Sex

2009-09-13T10:00:00.004-04:00

I have alot to day these days but so little time to write about it. I do miss the days of wireless internet access when the feeling to write took me all I had to do was pick up my laptop. I don't have the same desire to sit at my desk and type. I don't get inspired here. I would love a new desk, a new chair and even a bigger apartment to convey my thoughts. One thing at a time I guess. It took a long time for me to get my own space and I got it so I guess it will take me a while to get a bigger space. Even if I get that better job in Journalism then I would pay off some bills before moving on. If plans happen as they should (we make plans and God laughs)

I digress...

I saw this picture today and it instantly made me sad. I see a girl who grew up a little different. Different when you get older can make you quirky but not her kind of different. Growing up in South Africa I'm sure her parents did not have the access to the medical attention we have in the United States. They had a child saw she had a vagina and said "It's a Girl!" They raised her as a girl despite the mixed gender characteristics she possessed. She had a talent for running, so like any good parent they encouraged her to run. Not only to run but to be the best. She was the best and won the medals to prove it. Now it will be taken away from her. (I wonder how they couldn't see dude looks like a lady)

As much TLC and Discovery Health I watch I've seen documentaries on hermaphrodites. I was going to link you to the Wikipedia page on the subject but much to my surprise now in humans its called intersexuality. I wanted to write about this but as I get into the subject I don't know what to say. I don't know how she feels. I was born a woman. No confusion. I developed as a woman some say rather quickly (I was the only B cup in 6th grade). Not only am I a woman I never wanted to be a guy. I never had the confusion of feeling like a man trapped in a woman's body. I'm getting off the subject a bit but I just wonder how did she/he not know. I wonder if she/he ever attempted a relationship with a man/woman.

I guess my point is gender is socialized. Sexuality is socialized. Our gender roles are pre determined by society. It's a shame. She/he looks like a nice person. In America we force the parents to chose which sex they want to raise their child. Her/his parents didn't know they had that option. I wonder which one would they chose. Sexuality is very much socialized. Since Caster now fits into both categories who does he/she marry. If she picks a girl does that make her a lesbian? Not really. But since she has internal testes if she picks a man does that make her gay? Not really since she was raised to be a girl.

I guess all I'm trying to say is I feel bad for her/him. She has this great talent but no place to show or compete for it.

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Listening to: Bee Gees - More Than a Woman
via FoxyTunes

Siena Blaze on Shuffle

2009-08-10T14:19:00.003-04:00

The rules are simple. I’m going to put my iPod on shuffle and write about the first 10 songs that play. Some of these will be really stupid or have nothing to do with the song but hey, who doesn’t like to hear me go off on a tangent.

Directly taken from Sean's blog I decided to do this because music is such a part of my life and every song has a story.

Diana Ross "I'm Coming Out"
I have a long love/hate relationship with Diana Ross. I don't feel her to be all that of a singer. I have a lot of music on my I POD just to have. I'm a particular fan of the song. Maybe its time to delete.

Slum Village "Tainted"
Love this song. I can't tell you much about the hip hop or Slum Village. This is one of the songs that began my love affair with Dwele

Fantasia "Sunshine"
Can't comment on this song because I don't think I ever heard it

John Coltrane & Duke Ellington "In a Sentimental Mood"
How many movies has this song been in. It's the lovemaking soundtrack for the middle to upper middle class negro. I think the first time I heard it was on the Cosby Show when Cliff was trying to get at Claire. I remember seeing people actually spoon to it in Love Jones.

Donny Hathaway "A Song for You"
I remember when I was a kid I had a little portable tape player in my room (Eric and I were not allowed to have televisions in our rooms) and that was my source of entertainment. At times, I would listen to Midnight Love on the radio and discovered many old songs for myself and this when I found Donny Hathaway. I remember hearing that song for the first time and thinking wow. I fell in love with the voice more than the actual song. That night I didn't learn the identity of the mystery man and I had no computer to Google it either. For that day forward I kept a blank tape in the cassette player waiting for that song to come back. It took a while and I had my tape ready. And then I heard that piano intro and hit record.

A Tribe Called Quest "Rap Promoter"
I have so many memories associated with The Low End Theory I don't know where to start

Talib Kweli featuring John Legend "Around My Way"
I will admit I only brought this song because it has John Legend. I'm a fan can't help it.

Brandy "Full Moon"
Great song by Brandy. This entire album slept on cause she was knocked up in her fake marriage. Well I'm not a fan of this whole album but the title track is fire.

Patrick Swayze "She's Like the Wind"
I don't know if I would have liked this song if it didn't appear on the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack or been in 4th grade. Good attempt at a singing career

Donnie "Beautiful Me"
I first listened to Donnie when I heard Do you Know. His album had been out about a year when I heard this song and I've been waiting for new material or at least a show ever since. Nothing. People that follow Donnie are the same type of people that make you feel bad because you are not natural or overly ethnic.

The Temptations "Silent Night"
Every Christmas since I can remember my mother played this Temptations Motown Merry Christmas cassette. We lost the tape I brought her the CD. Now we can't find the CD

What's Up What's Happening "T.I"
One of the few current rappers I actually like. I don't really know this song though

I'm over my limit

You should never change how you feel

2009-07-27T21:38:00.002-04:00

I wrote this August 15, 2008 and I feel guilty. I don't think I ever fully believed the madness. I never felt like he ever touched a kid but I did want him to fall back a bit. After the first white kid I wanted him to leave them all alone. Mr. Harvey and I shared the same sentiment.

I just wanted Mike to fall back and stop going on tv and talking about the sleep overs with kids. I turned my back on MJ for a spell and now that he is gone I feel terrible.

When I do my community service I will remember fondly Michael and all he did for the world.

3 Minutes

2009-07-21T23:57:00.000-04:00

Meant to write more but I had to say something the final minutes of my 20's

HOW IN HOLY FUCK DID THE TIME PASS BY SO QUICKLY

My Life in Photos

2009-07-17T18:02:00.007-04:00

I've spent so much time looking at other peoples life through photos and never really spent time looking at my life and my perspective. I've been thinking about it because I'm currently taking Photography for non majors at Stony Brook and our first assignment is to identify what we see.

In this pic I see my #2 Quadisha. To be frank the first time I met Quadisha at our informational I thought who is this stank girl trying to be a Zeta. I hope they don't choose her over me because she was an archonette. I was never more wrong about a person. Behind that sweet smile is a really sweet person that would give her right arm to help someone out. She will make a great social worker because she really does care.

This pic I see my childhood. I remember the countless birthday parties I had and went to and I wonder what goes through their mind. The lives of these children are dramatically different than mine was at that age. I had nothing to worry about and some of the kids in this picture have seen things that I have never seen. One of the things I remember from my childhood was the youth of the adults around me. A couple of dead family members and seeing people not move like they use to really makes you think about your own mortality.

These pics represent one of my deepest fears, not knowing the difference between what I want and what I need. I was recently in a new apartment and yes I needed a new TV. I wanted the 32" flat screen and froze my ass off and almost fought with some yardies as a result. The even bigger irony is the fact that I come home and won't even turn on that TV till 10pm.

It is so true when people say you cannot judge a person that spoils their kids. Josiah is not mine he is just my cousin. And I did go overboard with the presents for a two year old but it was all worth it to see his smile. I remember as I was shopping thinking to myself that he would just look at these items and say ok what now but he didn't. He opened all of his presents that Christmas morning with care and diligence and loved playing with his toys. It was worth being broke for a little while.

My trip to San Diego a few years back. I've always said I've wanted to vacation alone and this trip I pretty much did. Even though I spent the time at Kizzy's spot I spent the days exploring San Diego and TJ on my own. I wonder to myself at times if I spend too much time alone and if that is a good thing. Maybe the more time alone I spend the more guarded and independent I appear to be. Maybe that is what scares off the fellas.

Of course I have hundreds more but many were causaulties of my last hard drive. But with the next five weeks of summer session II there will be more to tell.

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Listening to: Michael Jackson - Human Nature
via FoxyTunes

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

2009-07-17T17:44:00.002-04:00

Lately I come home from work and I don't turn on any lights and I don't turn on the TV. I just go straight to the computer and I play around on the internet and I watch and listen to Michael. Now it is no secret that I love Michael and I still mourn his loss but why the obsession?

I think it's two parts to my Michael obsession. First the part that comes from my heart. As far as I can remember my earliest memories involve Michael Jackson. I remember the day we brought the Thriller album and I remember dancing to it with Andrea and Eric in the den. I remember listening to the Jackson's and the Jackson 5. Many of the happiest memories of my childhood were centered around Michael. How do you say thank you to the person that gave up their life so you can have one? I am so grateful for that sacrifice that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

The other part to my MJ obsession is purely selfish. I feel guilty admitting this but I feel almost like I'm doing to MJ in death what so many did to him in life I'm using him as my distraction.

According to Wikipedia denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead. I am in denial. There is much I have to face but chose not to face it. I wonder how I can be aware of my situation but still do little or nothing to fix it.

That is the kicker

Michael Jackson The Ballads

2009-07-16T10:32:00.002-04:00

Trying this so people who are not on imeem can listen to my playlist.

Michael Jackson The Ballads

Since You've Been Gone

2009-07-02T15:02:00.005-04:00

For the last week I've inundated myself with Michael Jackson. I've watched videos countless times, listened to his music and watched interviews. I now realize that I am not giving the man the peace he wanted so much in life now that he is dead.

Every crazy article that has come out I've read. I've tried to imagine myself as a Jackson as even being close to being that big of a star. I did not think of myself in the public so much as how he was in his private life. What kind of private life can you have when they have to shut down a grocery store so you can just go food shopping.

The truth is I am ashamed. I am ashamed because I am not allowing Michael to do his job. His job was to provide us with music and entertain us and he did that 1000x over. I am ashamed because I feel like I've been using Michael. For the last week the circus around the man gone too soon has been my distraction. It has prevented me from dealing with all the crazy shit I have going on in my life. I've disguised the fact that I avoid all things difficult and painful in my life. Some people think I'm a saint for all the community service and time I give to other people. And for the most part it is selfless but I don't know if I believe anything in this life is completely selfless. Doing work for other people helps me avoid the personal pain. I think I'm being selfish because I feel if Michael was alive today he would gladly trade in my pain for his. There will never be another person in this world that could feel the same pain as Michael. The only other person the peoples Princess knew the same pain as Michael, but she too was taken from us too soon.

What I have to do is stop avoiding and live the life that Michael so much deserved.

Michael,
I pray that you find the peace in death that you could not find in life

Katherine,
I hope your faith gets you through this and I pray for you

Prince Michael, Paris and Prince Michael II
I know how it feels to lose a parent and I pray that the world allows you to mourn in peace

I pray for anyone that has lost a person that is important to them.

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Listening to: Michael Jackson - Gone Too Soon
via FoxyTunes

There’s no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there’s only up and down and down is very close to the ground. And I’m trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I’m thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
Bob Dylan

Rest In Peace Mr. Jackson

2009-06-25T23:17:00.004-04:00

To all the people who are saying negative things about MJ think about yourself. When you die do you want people to remember that one day you accidentally smudged someone's puma and didn't say excuse me? In death we have to remember the good so we can get through the bad

EDIT: I felt the need to clarify this post. When I wrote it I had spent so much time watching the news and people talking about all the issues he had in life instead of remembering the contribution he made to this world and I am angry about it. I have to say for the record I know that man didn't lay a hand on those little boys. The ones that accused him and received money for this I do not wish you harm. I just hope you can rest easy, knowing you killed a man with a family for money.

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Listening to: Michael Jackson - Never Can Say Goodbye

Sorry Blog

2009-03-22T23:40:00.001-04:00

I apologize to the blog for no one gets distressed when I do not write.

I hate all the re posts of other articles. I will find some time soon to post something I write. That maybe coming sooner than later.

Sigh...

2009-03-22T23:38:00.002-04:00

Did you know when you do a search for "adult" "black" "anal" movies all that comes up are movies with black women that have unusally large buts?

Who do you contact for false advertising? There has to be someone to complain to.

Sigh...

They Needed a Black Guy

2009-03-13T10:07:00.002-04:00

Steele In Serious Hot Water With Social Conservatives

Michael's Steele statement of support for an "individual choice" on abortion has provoked deep concern among social conservatives and spurred further speculation that his tenure at the RNC will be brief.

On Wednesday, the RNC Chair walked back a remark he made in an interview with GQ Magazine, declaring unequivocally: "I am pro-life, always have been, always will be." But even with the quick clarification, the damage was done.

On Thursday, several religious right officials and anti-abortion advocates criticized Steele for telling the magazine that he "absolutely" thought abortion was "an individual choice," to be decided at the state level.

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee: "Comments attributed to Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele are very troubling and despite his clarification today the party stands to lose many of its members and a great deal of its support in the trenches of grassroots politics."

Roberta Combs, president of the Christian Coalition: "I'm a little surprised that Michael Steele, being the leader of the Republican Party, is at odds with the pro-life platform, the platform that conservative put in place... If this is his viewpoint, he has made it be known. I'm just surprised that the leader of the party is at odds with the pro-life platform."

Evangelical leader Lou Engle: "Steele's argument that abortion is a matter of "individual choice" is extremely disappointing, especially in light of past statements in which he promised to protect and defend human life. "Steele's remarks to GQ indicate that he may be confused about "choice" and the "law." The law is supposed to protect human life, not permit the taking of it. And, it can never be a "choice" for an individual to take a life."

Tony Perkins, president of Family Research Council: "I read the article last night so I am familiar not only with his comments about the life issue but also about the efforts to redefine marriage and 'mucking' up the Constitution. I expressed my concerns to the chairman earlier this week about previous statements that were very similar in nature. He assured me as chairman his views did not matter and that he would be upholding and promoting the Party platform, which is very clear on these issues. It is very difficult to reconcile the GQ interview with the chairman's pledge."

Talk that this new rhetorical misstep could result in Steele stepping aide was batted down in conversations with several social conservative officials. He should be granted some time to find firm footing, was the usual refrain. But in private, several Republicans expressed bewilderment and frustration with Steele's gaffes and implored him to avoid the media spotlight for the time being. Read More

The Power of the Pu$$Y

2009-02-27T22:16:00.003-05:00

Tonight I went to see the Vagina Monologues at my school because my LS had a bit part in it. After hearing some of the experiences that the women interviewed for play I felt bad. I felt bad because there are so many woman who don't know or have never experienced the power of the pu$$y.

I've never really been afraid of mine. I was never the woman to say "I've never looked at my pu$$y", I've been checking it out since high school. Since I went to Catholic School my entire life I was always taught the pu$$y needed to be kept under lock and key until marriage. I did believe that at one time but my pu$$y was a gift that I had no problem sharing with myself.

I can't recall when I started gifting myself, I just remember the practice escalating when I lived in Albany. I felt free there especially when no one was living in the room across the hall. Not only can I gift myself but I could express how happy I was about and no one would know.

That was then and this is now. At almost 30 years old I don't care who knows what I do. Gifting myself has made every experience I've had with a man 1000x better. I know what works and what doesn't. Even though I know what works for me I never reveal for the exploration, anticipation and buildup to what is coming is more exciting than the actual act at times.

I feel sorry for women who never gift themselves and I feel especially sorry for women who have never experienced an orgasm. I've had orgasms before, by myself and with guy but never during sex. I came pretty close with the ex but that was more effort on my part than his. That doesn't bother me should it really matter how you arrive at a destination as long as you get there.

I am always open to sharing my experiences with other females but I suppose I scare other women off my enthusiasm. Instead of being scared I would see it as a motivation but that's just me. Women also bug out when I start talking about porn. Some people like comedies and dramas so do I. But I also enjoy adult film. That should not be embarrassing. If I had a man and the only problem I had is that he liked porn I would find myself to be lucky.

It's ironic that I went to this play today because the last two sex dreams I've had intrigued me. The first one was a while back when I was with the ex. I was enjoying myself with a very tall dark skin man and the ex was watching. The other dream happened recently. An attractive student came by the office and we chatted for a bit and then he left. Later that night I had a dream this student was having a job performed on him. I can tell by the hair that it was a girl but I have no idea who it was. I was fixated on how much he enjoyed the experience. Have I evolved past porn into voyeurism? Maybe one day I will stop writing in this blog and convey these concerns to a professional.

Until then...do not deny the power of the CUNT.

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Listening to: Janet Jackson - Any Time, Any Place
via FoxyTunes

Hey There....Hold Up Wait a Minute

2009-02-22T01:38:00.002-05:00

When you care too much,

Hello all,

Now Hey there lonely girl post tonight because there are more pressing matters at hand. I have a friend that is in trouble and I can't get a hold of her. It's very difficult when you care too much. There are days where I wish I was more like some of my sisters. My sisters have this amazing ability to separate situations but some things I cannot.

Another thing that bothers me is up until a few hours ago I was in a pretty good mood but now the worry.

If none of this makes sense to you good then I've done my job. Not everything is meant to be put on the Internet. I can't talk about this situation in depth because the situation is not particular to me. This issue involves other people so out of respect for others privacy I remain cryptic.

I've always wondered what goes through the mind of a selfish person. And I'm not saying I am completely selfless I have my moments but there are some people who act with no regard. I wonder how you come to that decision. Sometimes I wonder why I regard others when I make my decisions.

Blog I better stop writing. My mind is traveling in all sorts of directions and I do have an exam to prepare for and sleep to catch up on.

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Listening to: Phil Collins - Against All Odds
via FoxyTunes

Music I love

2009-02-14T23:33:00.003-05:00

As a fan of R&B music I wanted to share some of my obvious favorites with the blogosphere.

Amy Winehouse Frank

My favorite song of the moment of the album Frank. It changes with my mood. If you haven't listened to Frank you are losing in your life.

Eric Roberson Softest Lips

Deborah Bond

Tortured Soul

Dwele Kick Out of You

Hey There Lonely Girl Valentine's Edition

2009-02-14T23:24:00.002-05:00

I'm going to keep this short even though I have a lot to write about. Today was a good day. I thought about my Dad. Every year on Valentine's Day he always brought me a silk white rose and a box of chocolate. I won't go into why it was silk but my Dad knew what he was doing. That is just for the next guy to figure out.

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Listening to: P!nk - Don't Let Me Get Me
via FoxyTunes

24: Day 7 - People who need to Die

2009-02-11T21:57:00.006-05:00

If you watch 24 you should not take the fact that you need to die personally. Just ask
whats his name.

My man Jack is a results kind of guy. When your a results kind of guy shit occasionally has to happen. Sometimes foreign consulates have to be attacked, witnesses must be shot or even the wives of suspects.

Jack can wrap this day up rather quickly by offing the following interruptions, hindrances etc. to the plan.

Madame President

For the President she sure is way too trusting and is always the last to know. Most importantly she doesn't know about Jack Bauer. When you become president Jack Bauer's resume needs to be in the White House welcome pamphlet. Get it together or Jack shoot her.

FBI Assistant Director in Charge Larry Moss

He questioned Jack, his rules and his motives. He is very lucky Jack didn't do him like he had to do Curtiss

FBI Special Agent Renee Walker

You are no Jack Bauer. Your feelings and crap are going to get the best of you and get in the way of what needs to be done.

Now I'm not going to add the villains to this list because we need to give Jack some kind of purpose, but I'm sure as the day goes on this list will grow.

Current Mood: ....

2009-02-11T21:18:00.004-05:00

I should say ill because I've been sitting in my bed for the last week because of this damn bronchitis of mine. I've thought about writing but between the coughing and the fever I just didn't have it in me to.

I think since I've had my bloggers turrets that this has probably been the longest period of time that I've gone without writing anything. There is not even a saved draft some where that just needs a few finishing touches before being published.

It's ironic to me that every area of your life never seems to gel exactly when they should be. I am grateful for the small advances that have been made.

SIDE NOTE: I need to get out of this bed and back into the world of the living. I can't believe how much t&a they are showing during primetime. Nor can I believe I am watching it and the fact that I am caught up in the drama that is Dr. 90210

I guess I will pay more attention to the positive in my life. There is way too much crazy going on in the world for me not to. This week I finally put a deposit down to go to Shana's wedding which I am looking forward to. From July 9 - July 13 I will be in DR doing an early 30th b day celebration and I'm going to do it big. I am so happy to go. Not because I will be staying at the five star resort that is Paradisus Palma Real but because Shana is like family. I've known this girl most of my life and now she is getting married. I am so grateful to have this family in my life even though I know her mother is going to drive me nuts. That is Mrs. Ashwood's purpose in life after all.

What do you buy the bride you are spending over a $1,000 dollars to go to their wedding? We shall see and I shall keep you posted.

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Listening to: Slum Village - Reunion (feat. J. Dilla)
via FoxyTunes

Will Obama have to be better because he's black?

2009-01-28T21:13:00.001-05:00

(CNN) -- Just days before he was sworn in, President Obama was giving his daughters a tour of the Lincoln Memorial when one of them pointed to a copy of Abraham Lincoln's second inaugural address carved into the wall.

Obama's 7-year-old daughter, Sasha, told her father that Lincoln's speech was really long. Would he have to give a speech as long? Obama's answer was completed by his older daughter, 10-year-old Malia.

"I said, 'Actually, that one is pretty short. Mine may even be a little longer,' " Obama told CNN recently. "At which point, Malia turns to me and says, 'First African-American president, better be good.' "

The story is light-hearted, but it touches on a delicate question: Will people hold Obama to a different standard because he is the first African-American president?

Americans appear split by race on that answer. According to a CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll, 53 percent of blacks say the American public will hold Obama to a higher standard than past presidents because he is black. Most whites -- 61 percent -- say Obama's race will not matter in how he will be judged.

The question divided several people who were racial pioneers themselves.

Alexander Jefferson was one of the first blacks allowed to become a fighter pilot. He was a member of the Tuskegee Airmen, a group of black pilots who escorted bombers in World War II.

"We had to be twice as good to be average," he says.

Obama won't face the same pressures he did because his presidential predecessor was so inept, Jefferson says.

"No, the world is ready for him," he says. "The [George W.] Bush debacle was so depressing."

Jefferson was shot down by ground fire on his 19th mission and spent a year in German prison camps. He wrote about his POW experiences in "Red Tail Captured, Red Tail Free: Memoirs of a Tuskegee Airman and POW."

Jefferson says he dealt with the pressures of being a racial pioneer by drawing on the strength of black leaders who opened doors for him.

"I sit on the backs of everyone who came before me," says Jefferson, who attended Obama's inauguration with other Tuskegee Airmen.

Jefferson says he would have emotionally imploded if he'd thought too much about the pressures of representing all blacks and dealing with the racism he encountered when he returned home to a segregated America after the war.

"I did what I had to do so I didn't go stark-raving mad," he says. "There wasn't all this self-analysis and back and forth. I was too damn busy with a wife, a child and a mortgage."

Michele Andrea Bowen couldn't avoid a bout of constant self-analysis. She was one of the first African-American students admitted to a doctorate program in history at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

"I know Obama is going to be held to a different standard," says Bowen, author of "Up at the College" and books such as "Holy Ghost Corner," which celebrate black faith and culture.

Bowen says she faced relentless scrutiny, and so will Obama.

"You know that it was hard for you to get in it, and you know they're watching you," Bowen says. "And you know that they're judging you by a critical standard that's sometimes not fair."

Bowen says a white classmate, her partner in dissertation, once confided to her that he received the same grades as she did, even though he knew his work was inferior.

"It toughened me up," Bowen says. "It can give you headaches and stomachaches. I learned you have to be thankful that God blessed you with that opportunity. At some point, you stop worrying, and you trust God."

'Would Bush have been president if he were black?'

Perhaps Obama will avoid those stomachaches because of the massive good will his election has generated. But that could change quickly if Obama makes a controversial decision or a mistake, says Andrew Rojecki, co-author of "The Black Image in the White Mind: Media and Race in America."

Rojecki says people who say Obama isn't going to be held to a different standard because of his skin color didn't pay attention to his campaign.

He says Obama had to deal with challenges that other candidates didn't have to face. Obama's run for office was almost ended by his association with his minister, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, whose incendiary sermons shocked many.

But Republican presidential nominee John McCain's relationship with the Rev. John Hagee, who was accused of anti-Semitism, never threatened to end his campaign, Rojecki says.

"Obama was held responsible for what his minister said, and McCain was associated with Hagee, but somehow that didn't stick," says Rojecki, a communication professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

Even people who regard themselves as the most progressive, open-minded supporters may subconsciously hold Obama to a different standard, Rojecki says.

He says several academic studies show that it often takes people longer to associate good qualities to blacks when different faces are flashed across a screen.

"They have these stereotypes buried in their subconscious," he says. "That's why people cross the street when they see a young black man. They'd rather not take a chance."

Obama virtually had to be perfect to overcome those stereotypes, Rojecki says. He was the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, he has an Ivy League-educated wife and adorable daughters, and he ran a great campaign.

"He's the perfect symbol of achievement," Rojecki says.

White candidates for office don't have to have an uninterrupted life of achievement to be considered for the Oval Office, Rojecki says.

"If George W. Bush were black, do you think he would be president?" Rojecki says.

Jefferson, the Tuskegee Airman, says Obama should have at least one consolation. The problems he confronts now are so immense that anyone, even someone who was considered by many to be perfect, would not be able to escape withering judgment.

"If the president was Jesus Christ, '' Jefferson says, "they would still debate if he's qualified."
SOURCE

Hey There Lonely Girl

2009-01-24T23:17:00.004-05:00

I'm home tonight and it's by choice so I will keep this brief. I am supposed to be at the Tortured Soul show but stayed home because of work in the morning.

I'm sure I will get to see them the next time they are in town.

EDIT: Just found out Tortured Soul goes on at 1:30. Yeah glad I stayed home.

----------------
Listening to: Tortured Soul - Love Everlasting
via FoxyTunes

The 44th President of the United States

2009-01-20T14:45:00.003-05:00

Today I stood in the hallway of my office and witnessed something I never thought I would see. Today like every major event in my life was bittersweet. As elated as I am by this change in America I miss my father and so many others terribly. There is so much I'm feeling right now and maybe I will write more later. Now I pray for our president and his family.

The Speech

2009-01-20T14:40:00.000-05:00

My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition. Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet. These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights. Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics. We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness. In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom. For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth. For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn. Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction. This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed.

Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do. Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage. What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government. Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good. As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more. Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint. We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations.

We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you. For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist. To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all. For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate. Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true.

They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. This is the price and the promise of citizenship. This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny. This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath. So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people: “Let it be told to the future world…that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive…that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it].” America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Current Mood: Regret

2009-01-20T09:04:00.003-05:00

It's 9am and in three hours we will have a new President of the United States. I set up the DVR to record pretty much the entire day on two different channels so I miss nothing. Watching it on TV is great but I would have loved to say that I was there when history was made. If I have children I hope they realize the importance of this day. I'm glad they will come into a world where a black president is even possible. For them they will see the world through a different lens. They will see that they can be anything if they work hard. I understand the political changes and turmoils that our new President will face for the next eight years but I can't think about that now. For now I can just think my president is black.

Just 50 Years Ago

2009-01-19T23:24:00.006-05:00

September 15, 1963, Four girls: Addie Mae Collins (aged 14), Denise McNair (aged 11), Carole Robertson (aged 14), and Cynthia Wesley (aged 14) were killed at the 16th Street Baptist Church

1965 Alabama

Breach of Peace

Freedom Riders

Whites protesting integration equating it to communism

Freedom Riders

Birmingham, AL

In 1956, Rosa Parks'was arrested for refusing to yield her seat to a white patron on a Montgomery, Alabama city bus. The bus driver had Mrs. Parks arrested, she was found guilty of disorderly conduct and that lead directly to the bus boycott, the civil rights movement, and civil disobediance.

Bertha Gilbert, 22, is led away by police after she tried to enter a segregated lunch counter in Nashville, Tenn., in this May 6, 1964, file photo.

Albany, GA 1962

On the orders of Bull Connor, high-pressure firehoses are used against young demonstrators

Young non-violent warriors under arrest

Rev. Fred Shuttlesworth leading marchers in prayer just before they are arrested in early April.

Birmingham 1963

The Drum Major Instinct

2009-01-19T20:10:00.005-05:00

41 years ago, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was taken from us by an assassin's bullet. As I approach my 30th year his death has even more meaning for me because he left us after only 39 years. In 39 years he accomplished many things. One of the biggest marks that I feel he left was courage. He knew what he was doing and the consequences that came with it, but he continued anyway. He left a wife, children and many friends so my life can be easier.

Marksandlin posted speech this of Dr. King's on twitter today and his words can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Dr. King knew what he was put on this earth to do and knew the amount of time he had was short. In that time he defined greatness, he defined what he wanted his life to mean and how he wanted it described when he was gone. Dr. King was a Drum Major for righteousness, a Drum Major for peace and a Drum Major for integrity.

I try to listen to everyone's opinion regarding the future of this country and I can understand why there are black conservatives that are skeptical. I think that skepticism goes beyond political belief but goes to the state of Black America in recent generations. The Black America of the 50's and 60's is dying out slowly. I am a member of an organization that has been around for the last 89 years. We have survived the Great Depression, World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War, multiple assassinations of our leaders and participated in the Civil Rights movement (after all of this 8 years of Bush should be a breeze). My sorors from this time and others had nothing so worked for everything. I hate to say it but my generation had everything given to them. I am even skeptical will Black America rise to the challenge? Will they answer our President's call to service? Will they stand with him or try to ride his coat tails and expect him to carry them?

Dr. King said greatness was to serve others. I don't believe my place is on the national stage. I know I can serve in my community and who knows there maybe something I can do to help prepare the next person to lead. Our President is one man and he cannot do it alone. I hope for the next eight years we answer his call. I hope this renewed sense of self esteem is not fleeting and we continue for the fight is far from over. There are still people in this world that hate us that question or place in the world and feel we do not have the same human rights as them. *cough,cough*

My wish for the next very difficult four years is a true sense of change and that change must come from us and not President Elect Obama. He has answered his call now it is time for us to answer ours.

Help realize the dream

Life in Photos

2009-01-19T19:40:00.004-05:00

‘What I Want for You — and Every Child in America’

2009-01-14T23:33:00.000-05:00

By President-elect Barack Obama
Publication Date: 01/14/2009

Dear Malia and Sasha,

I know that you’ve both had a lot of fun these last two years on the campaign trail, going to picnics and parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of junk food your mother and I probably shouldn’t have let you have. But I also know that it hasn’t always been easy for you and Mom, and that as excited as you both are about that new puppy, it doesn’t make up for all the time we’ve been apart. I know how much I’ve missed these past two years, and today I want to tell you a little more about why I decided to take our family on this journey.

When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me—about how I’d make my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And suddenly, all my big plans for myself didn’t seem so important anymore. I soon found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I realized that my own life wouldn’t count for much unless I was able to ensure that you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours. In the end, girls, that’s why I ran for President: because of what I want for you and for every child in this nation.

I want all our children to go to schools worthy of their potential—schools that challenge them, inspire them, and instill in them a sense of wonder about the world around them. I want them to have the chance to go to college—even if their parents aren’t rich. And I want them to get good jobs: jobs that pay well and give them benefits like health care, jobs that let them spend time with their own kids and retire with dignity.

I want us to push the boundaries of discovery so that you’ll live to see new technologies and inventions that improve our lives and make our planet cleaner and safer. And I want us to push our own human boundaries to reach beyond the divides of race and region, gender and religion that keep us from seeing the best in each other.

Sometimes we have to send our young men and women into war and other dangerous situations to protect our country—but when we do, I want to make sure that it is only for a very good reason, that we try our best to settle our differences with others peacefully, and that we do everything possible to keep our servicemen and women safe. And I want every child to understand that the blessings these brave Americans fight for are not free—that with the great privilege of being a citizen of this nation comes great responsibility.

That was the lesson your grandmother tried to teach me when I was your age, reading me the opening lines of the Declaration of Independence and telling me about the men and women who marched for equality because they believed those words put to paper two centuries ago should mean something.

She helped me understand that America is great not because it is perfect but because it can always be made better—and that the unfinished work of perfecting our union falls to each of us. It’s a charge we pass on to our children, coming closer with each new generation to what we know America should be.

I hope both of you will take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see and working to give others the chances you’ve had. Not just because you have an obligation to give something back to this country that has given our family so much—although you do have that obligation. But because you have an obligation to yourself. Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential.

These are the things I want for you—to grow up in a world with no limits on your dreams and no achievements beyond your reach, and to grow into compassionate, committed women who will help build that world. And I want every child to have the same chances to learn and dream and grow and thrive that you girls have. That’s why I’ve taken our family on this great adventure.

I am so proud of both of you. I love you more than you can ever know. And I am grateful every day for your patience, poise, grace, and humor as we prepare to start our new life together in the White House.

Love, Dad

Swagger Like WHAT!@!

2009-01-14T14:30:00.007-05:00

Let me tell you about swagger about a man's flow. Some men have it and most men don't. To me real swagger is when a man, even if he is not that attractive, captivates you with the aura that is him.

The first example of real man swagger that I can recall was 1998, at the SUNY Albany gym. SUNY Albany had a concert featuring Cocoa Brothers, Jay Z and Busta Rhymes. How things change where I went to a concert that Busta had top billing over Jay. I was there for Busta I paid my $15 to see him. Jay Z came on the stage and I will never forget it. He was wearing a Jets football jersey, some blue jeans and some timbs. After one song I said to Jamie Busta who? I was mesmerized by Jay and there have been other men that have come into my life that have "it", but none like Jay until...

Our president elect.

What can I say about the man that hasn't been said before. During this long campaign I admired the man. Several times on this blog I have praised our president elect for his choice of a strong black woman as his life partner. I have admired his intellect and his approach to life and politics. Since he has been elected we have seen another side to our President elect. He is still giving us his all but now we also see him vacationing, playing golf, and spending time with his children. I've admired the mind but after a recent family vacation in Hawaii we saw more of the man.

WHAT!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!
OK!!!!!!!

Michelle Obama gets to lay down next to that every night. I'm hatin hardbody

This may seem small but this video sealed the deal for me in makin the President elect's swagger bigger than anyone else.

This video shows me our new president is like me. I totally understand why Southerners who had to drop out in the third grade voted for Bush. President-elect is just another black kid from the suburbs. We know how to act when we are around white folks and when we are in a social setting our innate urban tendencies come to light. Just check the examples at 1:08 and at the end of the video.

Ahhh!!!

It's like I'm 13 and I have a new crush.

EDIT: I am not the only one that recognizes the swagger. Start at 3:38

To the left To the left

2009-01-13T20:21:00.005-05:00

In the last few weeks, I've been bombarded with stories of breakups and bitter dudes

I will add a personal story to the list.

My friend from work went to another coworker (a girl we are both cool with) to tell her about the breakup. The coworker responded with "I'm sure Jess is really happy that you are single again now you have more time to spend with her"

What thee fuck!$!#%

Why would I be happy about a friend of mine breaking up with the guy she has been with for over a year. This was a guy that she talked about marriage with.

My friend said to my coworker, "Jess is has a full life she goes out more than me."

A week after we broke up I was at my frat brothers' barbecue a week later. People like to tell me that I'm strong but its really pride. I'm going to be sad but I'm not going to do the pity party because I'm single. Well OK I won't like I did the pity party a Saturday or two but a girl is entitled.

What would (even if you were thinking it) make you say such a thing. The only thing I can think of is before she got engaged that is what her life was like.

I saw this next story on Okayplayer. This chick made up this account on Twitter which has only two updates but brings you to this blog.

I ask females that I know all the time what do sites like this help mend a broken heart? Will returning a kidney change the fact that your wife cheated on you? I guess I shouldn't judge but there has to be a better way to deal with a loss other than bitterness and revenge. Or maybe pride is truly one of the seven deadly sins. Maybe my crying on the inside routine is no better than throwing a brick through someones window. (I never did that. A girl I know did. Not his window but his mother's house. They are married now)

What I wonder now is should I call the coworker out for what she said.

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Listening to: U2 - Pride
via FoxyTunes

Cocaine is one helluva Drug

2009-01-13T20:18:00.000-05:00

Give it to me Baby!!!

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Listening to: Rick James - Give It To Me Baby
via FoxyTunes

Dream a Little Dream of Me

2009-01-11T12:40:00.003-05:00

I haven't had a restful night sleep in over a week. I don't believe that dreams are premonitions. I believe that dreams are things that are weighing heavily on your mind that you can't resolve in your waking state but they carry over to your sleep. Well my issues are carrying over to my sleep and keeping me from getting a good night's rest.

I guess I will start with last nights dream first. It was me and my mother in a bridal shop. The first dress I tried on and the one I would have never picked for myself is what looked perfect. Me and my mother decided after that dress I didn't have to try anymore on.

The Dream Moods Interpretation

If you are single and dream that you are a bride, represents your desires for marriage. Alternatively, it may represent the most feminine qualities about yourself. The dream may also symbolize purity and virginal qualities.

No mystery here. I truly doubt it had anything to do with purity and virginal qualities. What I don't understand is for as much as I do want to be married I never want to rush into something just to be married. I always thought I had more control over my emotions I wouldn't let some emotional need take over what I know what I want in my head.

The other dreams I've had all have to do with money. Every time I close my eyes I see a bill that I'm paying or supposed to pay.

The Dream Moods Interpretation

To see bills in your dream, suggests that your mind is preoccupied with financial and money matters. You may be feeling overwhelmed with life's demands.

Of course I'm preoccupied with financial concerns everyone is our country is in a recession. I hope I'm not overwhelmed by life's demands. I know oh too well that it can be much worse than it is now.

I know the issues I just wish I didn't have to deal with them while I sleep.

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Listening to: Otis Redding - I've Got Dreams to Remember
via FoxyTunes

Dream Moods: What is in Your Dream?

2009-01-11T12:30:00.002-05:00

You are entering a mysterious and fascinating world of dreams where the rules of reality do not apply. We hope that Dream Moods will help you make sense of your dreams and achieve a better understanding of them. We're dedicated to helping you find the key to unlocking and interpreting the meanings to your dreams. By understanding your dreams, you will gain a better perspective on your life. We realize that your dreams are unique. No other individual can have your background, your emotions, or your experiences. Every dream is connected with your own "reality". Thus, in interpreting your dreams, it is important to draw family: from your personal life and experiences. Remember that a dream unifies the body, mind, and spirit. It provides you with insight into ourselves and a means for self-exploration. In understanding your dreams, you will have a better understanding and discovery of your true self. So stay awhile -- explore, discover, have fun, make friends, and find out what's in YOUR dream?! SOURCE

What to Write About Tonight

2009-01-10T23:52:00.003-05:00

I had a thought.

I wanted my blog to be something more about politics, relationships and lack there of. When I get the feeling this way I visit various news sites to see what else is going on in the world. The only stories that catch my eye of course are the ones about politics. Since the election ended I've had my fair fill of the politics. I know when President elect Obama finally takes office Sean Hannity will give me enough to write about.

The story I just posted about combines relations and politics. I was born into the Reagan years. The years were government was bad and needed to be cut down. Reagan believed that private organizations should support charities and people have the ability to help themselves. Instead of private organizations helping people places like NYC became segregated by class. You had the rich elite living very well on the upper east side and a few blocks north in urban cities such as Harlem, rampant unemployment and crack became king.

Even though I was a toddler at that time I'm sure the Hannity's and the O'Reily's of the world felt this is what life should be like. Life was good for them because of hard work and not a system of inherited wealth. Thirty years later we have a major shift in Reagan's view of America.

Now I know this article was meant to be facetious but at the same time you have to look at the message behind the words. Reagan's America worked for some and forgive me for saying this but sometimes I think Obama's America will only work for some. The older I get the more I feel I am becoming more of a moderate. My hope for the next four years is the Democratic President, Congress and Senate don't get too overzealous with the help this country needs. I hope they help people help themselves for than anything.

It's funny. When I started writing I wasn't sure if I was going to write about politics or porn.

Americans 'too depressed' for sex, porn barons seek US bailout

2009-01-10T23:38:00.002-05:00

Posted Thu Jan 8, 2009 1:10pm AEDT

Two porn moguls, including Hustler magazine founder Larry Flynt, are seeking a $US5 billion ($7 billion) bailout from Washington, arguing that the limp US economy has thrown cold water on the adult entertainment industry.

Flynt and Girls Gone Wild video series creator Joe Francis asked the newly convened 111th Congress "to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America" in a bailout move similar to the one set aside for US car makers.

"Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, (and) we feel we deserve the same consideration," Mr Francis said in a statement.

"In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."

The pair were quick to admit that "the $US13 billion industry is in no fear of collapse, but why take chances?"

Mr Francis, recently imprisoned for nearly a year on a prostitution-related charge after pleading no contest in a plea bargain, cited industry figures that show adult DVD sales and rentals decreasing 22 per cent in 2008, as people turn to the internet for pornography.

With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind," Mr Flynt said.

"It's time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

Mr Flynt said people were "too depressed to be sexually active."

"This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such, but they cannot do without sex."

SOURCE

Hey There Lonely Girl

2009-01-10T19:12:00.004-05:00

Another Saturday night in my series of what my weekends look like these days. The ironic thing about these posts is I used to love being home on a Saturday night. It was my time to really do me. Then he came along and changed all that. Damn him I say.

I'm actually writing earlier than I normally do because I'm tired. I'm at my mother's house but I cooked dinner just now. Between that and last night's step practice I'm worn out. Getting old is a bitch.

My friend called me today. She hadn't spoken to her boyfriend in two weeks and decided to drive to his house at 2am. When parked outside of his house she saw him walk into his apartment with two females. As soon as they walked in she slashed the tires of his car and went drinking with a friend. After drinking large amounts of alcohol she waited in his driveway. We are now at about 7:45 am and that is when I got the text followed by the phone call. That early morning call could be why I am so tired now.

I asked her why she was there and she said she needed to tie up loose ends and get her stuff. I was half asleep we agree to talk later. When we talk later she tells me she has more planned for him but would not tell me what. I really don't need to know but will admit that I am curious.

I asked my friend will vandalism and violence change what he did? She said no. So why do it? While I was talking to her I thought about me and the ex. We both had issues but his is what doomed our relationship. He is pretty immature for someone 37. Never did I wish him harm or try to destroy any of his personal property. I guess its different because he didn't string me along and he didn't lie to me. But the boyfriend before that did lie and did hurt me deeply but I never wished him harm either. My fatal flaw and unrealistic wish for all of my exes was for them to change so we can be together again. But I never expressed that to them I just let it be.

I will try my best to steer her away from violence but I guess everyone deals with loss in their own way. I don't want to tell her what to do but I would be re missed if I didn't mention that vandalism and violence are kind of against the law.

I found out this week that I have a reader or two. At first I felt some type of way but Daniella knocked me back to reality. First of all you can't really bare your self to blogger.com and expect privacy. Second maybe my rants, trails and tribulations would help someone else. I enjoying helping people and if someone can find some sort of solace in my past issues that so be it. I put all of my frustrations about so many aspects of myself on here and its kept me from doing something silly. Most importantly it's kept me from breaking the law. Blogging can't be every one's escape. I'm going to try to help my friend but something more productive with her time than vengeance.

----------------
Listening to: Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats
via FoxyTunes

How Obama Got Elected.Com

2009-01-09T14:38:00.002-05:00

I went to this website at first for excerpts from the Sarah Palin interview. I was in shock and awe when I saw it this morning on the news and I wanted to write about it. I couldn't get past the fact that a person was going through this much trouble and had this much bitterness but then I remembered Michael Moore. This is the conservative response to Fahrenheit 911.

On to Sarah Palin. What I don't understand about her is the fact that the more she tries to explain herself the bigger ditch she creates. She has yet to redeem herself from anything she said. She looks great though.

Governor Palin says:
Why do people receive their news source from these anonymous bloggers?

My response:
Governor Palin rumours have been around since the sandbox. Your a public figure when you choose a public life you have to leave yourself open to public scrutiny. If we shouldn't be listening to anonymous bloggers I want to know where did she get the info that President elect Obama was palling around with terrorists and he is not an American and he is a Muslim. I've never seen that info other than people's opinions. What she doesn't mention is the fact that it was not bloggers but our President elect who told the media to back off of Bristol Palin

Governor Palin says: womp womp womp womp

I'm two minutes into the interview and I'm already tired of the bitching and the complaining so you all should know how I feel about Governor Palin.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

2009-01-08T21:42:00.006-05:00

----------------

I just had to write today.

I've been so damned busy at work that I haven't had the time to really sit down and let the stream flow but I've been itching to do it. Maybe when I'm at my Mom's house and sitting in my usual writing spot I will have more to say.

Me and me peoples from work today spent the entire day talking about this man. I mean giving your wife a kidney is just as bad as having a baby to make the relationship work. No baby or kidney can fix what is broken.

Would I donate a kidney to my husband. Yes. Even if he was an asshole. We must remember there are three sides to every story. Your side, his side and the truth. I'm sure she will have something different to say about this situation. I kind of believe him. He sure played the man scorned well pretty well. I'm sure Tyler Perry is taking notes as we speak.

Before my tangent I will explain myself on why I would give a kidney to an asshole. I would because I couldn't look my kids in the eye and tell them I let your father die because he was a bad husband. Life changes so much when you have kids at least it should. Your self should not be the priority in this situation. You must remember you are the one that chose to marry the asshole but the kids could not chose their father. I can understand why the guy is mad but he really shouldn't be. I kind of want to ask, "Why you mad son?" I refuse to believe that he didn't know she was a ho when he married her. You can't make a ho a housewife no matter how hard you tried. That is where he fucked up.

Would I ask for it back? No. But not for the reason you maybe thinking. I have way to much pride. I would probably write a book off of the experience but I wouldn't ask you for my kidney back. I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of knowing you hurt me so bad that I needed my vital organs returned. We are in America and here we profit off of pain. I guess he really can't get money from her and this is the only way he can stick it to her.

To play devil's advocate for a sec, she probably worked that new kidney all over Suffolk County. I'm sure she went drinking, partying out to fancy restaurants with his kidney. I would have an attitude but you can't make a ho a housewife. I'm surprised no one told him that.

Listening to: Amy Winehouse - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes

Husband in divorce case wants wife's kidney back--or $1.5M

2009-01-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

Doc from Ronkonkoma wants donated organ -- or equal value -- back from wife as part of divorce settlement
BY CHAU LAM and AND RIDGELY OCHS chau.lam@newsday.com ridgely.ochs@newsday.com
9:33 PM EST, January 7, 2009

When Dr. Richard Batista's wife needed a kidney, he gave her one of his.And now that Dawnell Batista has filed for a divorce, he wants it back.If he can't get the kidney, his attorney, Dominic Barbara of Garden City, said Wednesday that his client wants $1.5 million -- which, he said, reflects in part the value of the kidney transplant.Dawnell Batista, 44, of Massapequa, could not be reached and her attorney, Douglas Rothkopf of Garden City, declined to comment in detail.

"The facts will speak for themselves and they're not as represented by Dr. Batista," Rothkopf said.Medical ethicists agreed that the case is a nonstarter. Arthur Caplan of the University of Pennsylvania's Center for Bioethics said the likelihood of Batista getting either his kidney or cash was "somewhere between impossible and completely impossible."Robert Veatch, a medical ethicist at Georgetown University's Kennedy Institute of Ethics, noted that "it's illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value." Organs in the United States may not be bought or sold. Donating an organ is a gift and legally, "when you give something, you can't get it back," he said."It's her kidney now and . . . taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Veatch said.Barbara said his client isn't really looking for Dawnell Batista to give back her kidney. "Does he really want the kidney back? Of course not," he said.Batista said his aim instead was to draw attention to her not allowing him agreed-upon visitation with the couple's three children, ages 14, 11 and 8.Batista, 49, of Ronkonkoma, said he donated his kidney to his wife in June 2001, after she had undergone two other failed transplants when her kidneys ceased working."My first priority was to save her life," Batista said at a news conference in Garden City. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around."Batista, a surgeon at Nassau University Medical Center since 1992, said the marriage had been shaky because of his wife's illness.Initially, Batista said he was happy with his gift of life: "I was walking on a cloud. I did the right thing for her and to this day I would do it again."Dawnell Batista, a nurse, filed for divorce in July 2005, and her husband countersued that same year. The demand for the kidney was not part of the original countersuit, but was introduced Wednesday, Barbara said.Barbara said the $1.5 million his client feels he's entitled to reflects damages, including how much money she made as a result of being able to continue working and not having to go on dialysis. "A price can't be placed on a human organ but it does have value," he said.Caplan disagreed. "There's nothing later you can get in terms of compensation if you regret your gift," he said.Staff writer John Valenti contributed to this story. SOURCE

New Year's Revelations

2009-01-05T19:50:00.004-05:00

Hello Blog,

I waited a few days to write the new year. I spent most of the first few days of the year watching Law and Order SVU. I wanted to pay careful attention to what I wrote and this time of year its hard to think of anything else but resolutions. We are bombarded with advertisements of get out of debt, weight loss and exercise. It's quite comical to me that we accept this bombardment as good ole fashioned capitalism but to me it is "profiting off of someones pain".

I say profit off of pain because these people bank on the fact that the new year brings up the same insecurities they had the year before. New Year is supposed to be a fresh start and it is for some. Some people take January 1 and make a fresh start. I decided to take a look at myself and thought, "Am I really that bad off".

I call this my New Year's Revelation. I'm not exactly where I want to be or where I thought I would be but I'm far from the bottom. I thought to myself the following:

I wanted a better job and a good education. I could have worked closer to home but I chose to work at the place that would educate me the best. I wanted better so I went back to school. Not easy for some.

Since I first walked into Andrea Hill's home now over 15 years ago I was introduced to Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.. When I first arrived in Albany I was not mentally ready for the journey I needed to take to get there. Eight years later...well your never fully ready for that journey but I saw the opportunity and took it. I just wish Andrea was alive to see it.

Now for the last revelation I had (well it wasn't the only one but you get the point). For many years I've always said I need to live on my own. I never wanted to go from my mother's house to the home I would make a family in with my husband (whomever he may be). I wanted to get my finances together and slowly but surely they are because of the help I sought from a financial advisor. My apartment maybe small but I can afford my rent and it's just me.

Now for the things I wish to accomplish. Because of facebook I was reminded of the person I used to be. I was actually healthy. I have never been this size in my life and the people in my life that love me worry for me. I see the drawbacks to being overweight and I don't want to live my life with constant health issues. I have to work on that.

I would love to have a baby. This is not a goal because it's not going to happen this year but I just want the record to show if I had it my way I would have a baby by now. Possibly working on #2. Now this baby fantasy includes a husband as much as I want a baby I don't want to raise him/her on my own.

I wish the focus was not so much on personal change for the new year. We all know you will never really change if you feel defeated when you begin. When you start any program with such high expectations you just set yourself up for failure. I hope to continue to write this year and use my blog as a tool to help me accomplish my goals.

Last Post of 08

2008-12-31T21:06:00.003-05:00

Well what can I say.

I actually committed to this blog. There was a lot that I wrote about and quite a bit I left out. When I was really sad around the holidays I only really hinted around those feelings around my Dad's birthday. I have an hour till the movie starts so I guess I better get to work on the last post of the year.

January - July
An interesting few months. Didn't write a damn thing but I remember one thing from the time in my life. I decided in February that I didn't want to be single anymore and I was going to try online dating. So I put up a profile on match.com. There were a few guys that I talked to and the one I ignored for a month. Like always the one I liked for a month became my boyfriend for three months and I fell for him hard. Those three months I felt a peace that I haven't felt in quite sometime. I had problems but they didn't seem so bad. Then my day it was over and I still don't think I'm right. During this time my relationship with my mother became further strained because of her "friend". I know in my heart if I continued to live here my relationship with my mom would have beyond repair. Now I miss her when I don't speak to her or see her. Sometimes distance is the only thing that can help a relationship.

August
I had a lot of emotions this month I cried, and cried, and cried. We said goodbye to two great men and real change started to come.

September
I decided to get help this month. The financial kind. Lynette gave me an early Christmas present she said I can be OK with what I have. I'm still working on the plan she set up for me but Rome was not built in a day and I will not be financially responsible overnight but 09 is coming and change is coming. So the search became a reality

October
I got the place and school was kicking my but this month so I didn't write much. I must say during this time I was doing very well.

November
My life changed in November in so many ways. I moved out, I voted and with one election I was forever changed. The election changed me not because of its historical importance but changed me because I truly feel that "Yes We Can". I recall the day I cast my vote and how I held back the tears after I pulled the lever. I cried because I never thought I would live to see the day and I cried for all the people who are gone who would have been overjoyed by this election. President elect Barack Obama changed me. He showed me a man of character and integrity. When I have kids I want them to know about this man. After the election I watched all the television shows and the pundits especially the ones the marched with Dr. King. Vernon Jordan, Andrew Young and many others. All of them said to the President elect run for President but not now. America is not ready for a black first family. I felt the same way to where I ardently supported Senator (soon to be Secretary of State) Hillary Clinton. I'm sure everyone told this man the same thing. But he had a dream that became a dream fulfilled for so many people. My kids are going to know that you can do what ever you want no matter who tells you can't. I will sing the praise of our President for the rest of my life, no matter what his presidency brings us.

December
This month I was sad. It's the holidays and unfortunately its a scathing reminder of all you've lost. This month is no longer about giving and the birth of Christ. It's about staying in the black, posting big sales and restoring consumer confidence. I learned first hand what people will do for a material object. I pray for the family that is mourning a loss New Year's Eve and the life gone too soon. December I realized I want to be alone and need to be alone but I hate feeling lonely.

This is a much shorter year in review than I wanted but that is okay. Next year I hope to continue to write and get my emotions out in a healthy way. Even though I shared a lot on this blog I'm glad I did it because writing kept me from doing something stupid. I'm going to be 30 next year and I'm going to celebrate. Not because it's 30 and its considered a milestone birthday. I'm going to celebrate for all the people who will never get to celebrate a 30th birthday. Hopefully some of the personal changes I want for myself will at least start to come true.

Well I better get dressed for the movie. Brad Pitt here I come.

Happy Birthday Mom

2008-12-28T18:44:00.000-05:00

You made roti on your birthday.

You love to make your children feel guilty, your good at it.

We love you anyway, even though you allowed the demon children into our house.

Black Women Walking

2008-12-28T18:43:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T01:29:00.003-05:00

I got a bag of crap!

Words of Wisdom from Janey (My big fat Edit)

2008-12-24T22:23:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite Okayplayers posted this and I needed to repost

Remember that the person we are most able and likely to hurt is the person who
is closest to us, and therefore that is the person we should take the MOST care
with. It always freaks me out when I see people who are more considerate of
virtual strangers than they are of their partners -- you know, people who would
never be late for a business meeting but who keep their spouse waiting all the
time. Knowing that it is almost inevitable that you'll hurt the person you love
the most should make us all more cautious and caring.

Remember to
express love & gratitude. That goes a long way at the inevitable fuck up.

This was my sentiment. I've always wondered this but I don't have the age, wisdom or eloquence of janey to express this. I always wonder this because it's Christmas and even though I know what will happen it still hurts when it does.

It's Christmas Eve and I know another little piece of me will crumble tomorrow. As always, I don't have much money but I make it a point to buy my brother a present every year. All I'm able to get is a $25 gift card but I know this is best because all the previous presents sit in the closet. I know that is what he prefers anyway. I went to the mall yesterday to buy his gift and I actually wrapped the gift card and placed it under the tree. My Mom went to Kohl's today and saw some slippers she thought he would like and today Tiffany and I wrapped it so tomorrow morning he will know his mother and sister thought of him. I'm sure he will also find a gift from Andrea and Tiffany.

Since my brother hasn't left his room since he returned from work I know we are not at the top of his list of people to buy for. The last time my brother thought to buy me anything for Christmas was the year my Dad died. Since I was in the hospital from December 24 - 28, who knows if that gift was waiting for me Christmas morning or not. Every year since then, my brother has said to me, "I will have to wait until after Christmas to buy a gift for the family" After Christmas comes and we are all still waiting for a gift.

You should never measure how much a person cares for you by the amount of the gift. Even though my brother was always an asshole to us before we could have counted on him for something. He used to be generous around Christmas. That is no more.

Like janey could never understand the person that is on time for their business meeting but keeps their spouse waiting I could never understand the unwavering devotion my brother has for his friends. He expects us (the family) to do everything for him with nothing in return.

Even though its been several years I will never forget when his friend moved into his own apartment. He spent the weekend helping him paint. I moved out of this house two weeks ago and even though I didn't ask for the help the offer never came.

Let's re visit Black Friday this same friend brought a television that could not fit into the car. We wanted to bring my mother's mini van but for some reason he didn't. I said to my brother, "Let me take you home so you can come back with the van". My brother said no he wasn't leaving his friend alone and felt it was easier for me to drive to my house drop off my car and then bring the van back. Despite the fact that I was tired, cold and hungry. I did get less sleep than he did. Someone had to save a space on the line.

I would be lying if I said my brother never did anything for me. He has occasionally pulled through in the past. If we are to list the things I brother has done for me versus the list of things that I needed him and he wasn't there the latter would be greater. Not only would the latter be greater but grief would be listed several times.

Edit:

My brother did buy me a Christmas card and it was lovely and I was very greatful

David Alan Grier

2008-12-16T14:08:00.001-05:00

You stupid

You Still Exist ?

2008-12-10T11:16:00.002-05:00

Why are people still talking to this fool?

Report: Joe the Plumber Says McCain 'Appalled' Him
Joe Wurzelbacher says he felt "dirty" after "seeing some of the things that take place" on the campaign trail.

'Joe the Plumber' told conservative radio host Glenn Beck on Tuesday that he felt "dirty" after hitting the campaign trail with Republican presidential nominee John McCain and "seeing some of the things that take place," Politico reported.
Joe Wurzelbacher said he was specifically put off by McCain when it came to talk of the $700 billion bailout.
"When I was on the bus with him, I asked him a lot of questions about the bailout because most Americans did not want that to happen," Wurzelbacher told Beck. "I asked him some pretty direct questions. Some of the answers you guys are gonna receive they appalled me, absolutely. I was angry. In fact, I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him."
Wurzelbacher said he stayed on the trail with McCain "honestly, because the thought of Barack Obama as president scares me even more."
Wurzelbacher, however, offered kind words to McCain running mate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.
"Sarah Palin is absolutely the real deal," he said.
SOURCE

Sarah Palin is the real deal? I really don't have the words to respond to this.

The Definition of Insanity

2008-12-08T18:26:00.005-05:00

I was once told that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I'm sure I have written about this before in blogger past and maybe when I have more time I will go back and look but in today's stupid news...

I looked at him today. His face only existed in my mind because I destroyed any hard evidence I had but I searched and I looked at him today. I saw that he is continuing to move on. And by the looks of it he hasn't found anyone yet. Then I ask why? Why is he looking for someone when he could have been with me? He said he wanted to be my friend but cut me out of his life so easily. And I tried not to let my family interfere but I had to keep it real. I put my entire self out there with him because it seemed like the right thing to do. No games I decided and I put myself out there because I wanted to believe that he was the one. He was so much like my Dad. I wanted to believe in the adage you will end up with a man like your father. My father was wonderful. He wasn't always the perfect husband but that is okay because I am not looking for the perfect man.

I will try to remain positive but for now I am just going to be sad.

----------------
Now playing: Al Green - How Can You Mend a Broken Heart
via FoxyTunes

Hey There Lonely Girl

2008-12-07T01:12:00.002-05:00

Another Saturday night at home what to do. Can't talk too much politics not a whole lot going on that I can criticize. I need a hobby. Taking suggestions.

Mrs. O's Dress Part Duex

2008-12-07T00:59:00.005-05:00

Diane VonFurstenberg

We all know what she is famous for, the wrap dress and she took it to another level with this one. I think this a great look for her. Well it would be a great states dinner dress but maybe not the inaugural ball.

Michael Kors

Because of Project Runway I love this man. I'm biased with this dress. It's stunning. It's royal. It's blue.

Oscar DeLaRenta

This a beautiful dress but I don't think the flowers are appropriate. This dress would be better if it were maybe two toned. All black on top and white towards the bottom

More later....

Mrs. O

2008-12-04T16:27:00.008-05:00

You know what one of my favorite things about Barack Obama is, Michelle. She is the symbol that Black women have needed for a long time. I will laude Michelle later I came here to discuss her fashion.

After that awful dress she was wearing the night President-elect Obama won she needs to step her game up. Several designers have submitted sketches for her attire for inauguration day and I just want to post my favorite.

Monique Lhuillier
I love her dresses. If I ever marry rich I would probably shop at her store and not have a problem dropping the 20 grand. There is something almost regal about this dress. It's different. Mrs. O needs to stand out

Carolina Herrera
Another classic designer. I love the color of this dress and the cut. Mrs. O is tall so she can pull a look like this off. I can see her wearing this with a white fur stole (faux fur we can't piss off PETA). The color would bounce off her complexion unlike any other first lady.

Badgley Mischka
These two can sew. One of the common factors in their designs are their appropriate use of beading. It's never gawdy or overdone. Love the dress not crazy about the color.

Christian Lacroix
Love it Love it Love it. I hate the fact that he drew her like a black Cruella Devile but the dress is a knockout.

Must leave work now. Will create a another post for the rest there are many more.

When you Really Have Nothing to Say

2008-12-04T12:45:00.004-05:00

Last month I wrote a post on Why We Blog. Quick recap: Queen Latifah says any idiot that wants attention has a voice and a vehicle to do so. That brings me to this gentlemen, Mo Kelly.

I didn't read his blog (I was kind of disappointed to see a pundit with a radio show have a domain on blogspot but that is just my opinion). I will read his blog just when I have the time. From first glance it doesn't seem like he writes much there was just a bunch of reposted articles. I had to email him. If you go to his blog he said a few unfavorable things about my organization. I'm not going to post them but you can look if you so chose.

Dear Mr. Kelly,

While I respect your right to have an opinion and an avenue to express it, I must say I am disheartened by the articles you wrote about my organization.
This letter is not in pro Sheryl. This is about moving forward about supporting an organization that has committed itself to uplifting and helping the community and not continue to break it down.
I attended our Boule held this past summer in Las Vegas, NV as a voting delegate for my chapter. Even though I did not cast a vote for Soror Underwood when the election results were announced I respected the decision of the voting body. I understand that some of my sorors have issue with the results and I respect their decision to voice that opinion and act accordingly. Now that the courts have spoken it is necessary to move on and move forward.
You address Soror Underwood’s decision to post the findings of the lawsuit on the International website. As you are aware that court proceedings are public record and anyone who wanted this information would be able to obtain if they chose. Even though we are a sisterhood Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc is a business with corporate partnerships and affiliations. If you were a business person that wanted to work with an organization would you proceed knowing the organization had a pending lawsuit that was not resolved? You have unfairly judged Soror Underwood for posting sorority business. Have you visited the websites for other NPHC organizations? There are other groups that have lists of their members who were suspended. One website had the names of the members on probation suspended or expelled. There is even a section of ones that are banned from application. Natasha Starks is not the first person to be expelled from our organization or any organization and she will not be the last.
I do not know how extensive your knowledge is of Black Greek History but in January 1913 a group of women did not like the direction that the sorority was going. They met, changed the name, colors and motto for the organization. Senior members threatened this group of women with expulsion if they did not cease their activities. On January 13, 1913 those members were expelled from Alpha Kappa Alpha and Delta Sigma Theta was born.
Upheaval within an organization is not a new concept. It happens in mine and I’m sure it happens in other groups as well.
We need to move forward and remain positive in these rough times. Unless you have a crystal ball and no for a fact that Sheryl will fail then don’t judge her based on things she hasn’t done. If she fails at her job, at our next Boule I will vote accordingly.

Kind regards,
Jessica Raphael
Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.
P.S If you go to the Delta Sigma Theta website there is a press release regarding the election of a new International Grand Basileus.

What Would Jack Bauer Do?

2008-12-04T10:42:00.003-05:00

Mr. O'Reilly recently gave a commentary called "Obama and your life" to make a long winded rant short, he said and used these words "Left wing loons are blocking torture and because of that your going to die"

Who are these left wing loons? I say What would Jack Bauer do to get information from a terrorist? That is how we need to handle the people who want to kill us.

I don't have an issue with torture. What I do have issue with and this is something the right will never understand is they cannot clearly define who a terrorist is. My cousin who looks more like the Indian side of my family gets mistaken for a terrorist all the time. Under Right Wing rule would I have to worry about walking down the street with my cousin and being swept up by the CIA for associating with a possible terrorist? That is the issue I have with torture the innocent people that get caught up in the madness and for some reason it happens too often under Republican watch. Yes once in a while Jack Bauer shots someone he shouldn't but he makes up for it at the end of the day.

I feel like the comedians these days. I remember a month ago Bill Maher and Jay Leno complaining that having a President that is brilliant makes it hard to make fun of him and the jokes will suffer.

I completely understand that now. I mean I'm going to foxnews for material is that not sad? What will I write about if I'm not outraged by something the President does? You can exalt someones praises so much. I do feel that when Obama finishes his cabinet selections and they pass through the Senate nominating committee that he should round them up and take a picture like this one. Rahm needs to be in it to.

Happy Birthday Daddy

2008-12-03T20:56:00.006-05:00

First I would like to say this. I came home tonight to spend time with my family because it is my father's birthday and my Mom said she wanted me home. I came home to an empty house. I'm not saying my family should sit in a room all day and cry but damn stop acting like you need me so much. My brother doesn't think of these things. He generally doesn't think of anyone but himself but he has always been like that so the fact that he is not home does not surprise me. My Mom had her chapter meeting tonight which she said was going to be short. It was supposed to start at 7:00 and it's 8:59. I know better. I have my own chapter meeting tomorrow night and I know they are never short.

My Dad would have been 68 today if he were still alive. (I often wonder how long will I continue to do that. For example will I say in 40 years Dad would have been 108 today) My Auntie Len would have called today to wish him Happy Birthday and they would have talked and laughed and it would have filled the room. I will never forget the day I came home 5 years ago and my mom told me my Auntie Len was dead. I will never forget the fact that she called me a few weeks before and I said I would call her over the holidays. I would have loved to know what she wanted to say to me but I guess I never will.

My Auntie Len wanted me to move to Baton Rouge and live with her while I attended college. I wish I had the strength and the courage to make such a bold move. She would have treated my 19 year old irresponsible self as a child. I would have had a curfew but probably had the flyest gpa coming. She would have probably married me off by now and I would have popped out three or four kids like Franka did. She would have baby sat and would given my children all the love one can possibly give. She was that kind of lady. If I lived in the South my father would have probably came to stay with me for months at a time. He would have loved my kids too. He was that kind of guy.

Today I think of two people that I lost that were so dear to me. I know they will never know my children and my children won't know how wonderful they were.

Stephanie Mills Home

When I think of homeI think of a resting place

A place where theres peace, quiet, and serenity

And thats where some of my friends have gone

Friends who have traveled with me through my wonderful experience in Oz

A journey Ill never forget

When I think of home, I think of a place

Wheres theres love overflowing

I wish I was home, I wish I was back there

With the things Ive been knowing

Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning

Suddenly the raindrops that fall they have a meaning

Sprinklin the scene

Makes it all clean(When I think of home)

Maybe theres a chance for me to go back

Now that I have some direction(Maybe theres a chance Ill get home)

It sure would be nice to be back at home

Where theres love and affection

And just maybe I can convince time to slow up

Givin me enough time, ooh, in my life to grow up

Time be my friend

And let me start again

Suddenly my worlds gone and change its fate

And I still know where Im going

I have had my mind spun round in space

And watched it growing

And oh, if youre listening, God, please dont make it hard

To know if we should believe the things that we see

Tell us should we try and stay or should we run away (Should we run away)

Or will it be better just to let things, let them be, oh

Livin here in this brand new world

Might be a fantasy

But its taught me to love, oh, yeah

And its real, its so real, its real to me

And Ive learned that we must look

Inside our hearts to find

A world full of love

Like yours, like mine

Like home

Like, like home(When I think of home)

My friends smilin down on me

Givin me their energy, oh(When I think of home)I think of a peaceful world and joy

All around me, yeah(When I think of home)And love that we share can never

Never, ever be taken away from me, yeah, yeah, yeah(When I think of home)I just sit down and think

And gets on down in my bone, bone, yeah(When I think of home)I can hear my friends tellin me

Stephanie, please sing my song

I wanna sing, I wanna shout

I wanna tell you what its all about

Do You Know What Today Is...

2008-12-02T11:56:00.007-05:00

It's our Zetaversary!!!

I'm 2 and I can't believe it. A few weeks ago I was hanging out at the Sigma suite and I was actually the oldest in the room. I was hanging out with a bunch of neos (with sand behind the ears)

We've had good times and bad but I wouldn't replace any of you. Thanks for the memories.

March of Dimes - Spring 2007

NYS State Meeting - May 2007. Aleicia is missing

Spring 07 - Mu Delta Chapter's Probate

Me and My favorite Sigma

and the reason for it all

Remissed

2008-12-01T13:47:00.003-05:00

I feel that way for failing to acknowledge the fact that people were terrorized this past weekend and it was more serious than the laptop that was on sale.

Life in Pictures

This made me chuckle

2008-12-01T13:40:00.002-05:00

Police: Man Shot Sister's Boyfriend With Arrow
Monday, December 01, 2008

WASHINGTON COURT HOUSE, Ohio — Police say a southern Ohio man twice shot at his sister's boyfriend with a bow and arrow, missing the first time but grazing the man's head and wounding him on the second try.
Washington Court House police say James Wilson burst into the home of 47-year-old David Routte early Sunday morning and kicked in the door to the bedroom where Routte was sleeping.
Police say Wilson was upset with Routte for how he was treating Wilson's sister. A police report says Wilson's first shot lodged in a pillow.
Police spokesman Jeff Ruth says the second shot could easily have killed Routte, who later received stitches at Fayette County Memorial Hospital.
Police say Wilson is facing a felonious assault charge. Phone numbers for Wilson and Routte could not be found in online directories.
SOURCE

Edit: Imagine your sitting at home chilling and some enraged dude comes after you with a bow and arrow. Damn no video. I'm still laughing at this.

Life in Photos

2008-11-30T03:15:00.005-05:00

Pictures say so much. When someones house burns down the real tragedy is not the loss of home but the memories that cannot be replaced that go with it. I need to take the time to record my father's memories. He loved the camera and there is a photograph from everything that I can remember. I was looking at the LIFE collection on Google images for a few photos and decided to post a few.

Robert F Kennedy

Martin Luther King Jr.

Lena Horne

Mr and Mrs. John F Kennedy

Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis

Dorothy Dandrigde

Dean Martin

RFK

Kennedy Clan

Coretta Scott King

Josephine Baker

Ava Gardner

Natural Hair

2008-11-29T18:13:00.002-05:00

I sing the praises of natural hair.
I am free because of it.
I am only saying that because it is winter and I don't have to worry about my hair. Summer is another animal.

My hair has set me free. No longer do I have to worry about not scratching my hair every 8 weeks. I wonder how much money I am saving not having to pay $65 dollars for a perm every 2 months. No longer do I have pick and choose how I color my hair for fear of over processing my hair and it falling out. My hair is back. When I was a kid I had the thickest head of hair. Now as we age your hair will thin out but not anymore. The following are lyrics to one of my favorite neo soul singers, Donnie. There was a line in a song that I used to feel funny singing. No more.

Donnie, Cloud 9

We live from the head down and not the feet up

And I'm adorned with the crown that's making this up

And I'm fine under cloud 9

Yes I wear the lamb's wool, the feet of burned brass

And the wool defies gravity like the nature of a gas

And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and it rain

And when it rains it pours

And the energy will absorb

Power for the metaphysical one

Happy to be nappy, I'm black and I'm proud

That I have been chosen to wear the conscious cloud

And I'm fine under cloud 9

I be a chameleon and wear it bone straight

But it's so much stronger when it's in its natural state

And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and let it rain

And when it rains it pours

And the energy will absorb

Power for the metaphysical one

We live from the head down and not the feet up

And I'm adorned with the crown that's making this up

And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and let it rain

And when it rains it pours

And the energy will absorb

Power for the metaphysical one

Watch it live...

To pass time at 4am

2008-11-29T02:20:00.002-05:00

We were trying to remember the words to this skit last night. It is one of In Living Color's best.

New Look

2008-11-29T02:12:00.000-05:00

I've noticed my posts were getting lengthy and the as nice as the old layout was it's kind of hard to read. So a change. I will probably change it again with the new year.

Bloggers Turrets Part Deux

2008-11-29T01:54:00.002-05:00

Back in August, I wrote about having Bloggers Turrets but at that time I had an entirely different subject to write about. I'm glad those feelings have subsided a bit. Now I post two or three posts a day and then nothing for a week or two. I hate not having the time to write. I think its time to start a written diary to carry around with me. I get a thought at times and I hate not having a place or the time to record it. I've thought about some of my dreams that I feel are never going to come true and I could probably do the writing thing in some capacity. My dreams after all are not entirely unrealistic.

Never again

2008-11-29T01:17:00.004-05:00

I did something absolutely foolish today. Not only was it foolish but very unlike me. I picked a fight with some rude ass yardies because they decided to cut the line I had been waiting on since 3am. After hearing about the people who will not see another holiday I ask forgiveness from the powers that be. We sometimes take risks in life that are reckless. You are given one life to live and as humans we should try to avoid situations that put ourselves in danger.

Now the method behind the madness...

That is the TV I could have lost my life for. Even though I got into with some people I am happy I have it.

At 10:00 pm Eric, Derreck, Sandrine and I came up with our game plan. We decided to drive past all the local stores to see what was going on.

(These are the times I wish I had my camera and or a better camera to take photos with. I can't think of a new piece of technology that can replace the depth of a photo)

Best Buy had a line around the building and several people in cars.

Walmart had only a few people but then people waiting in cars as well.

Target the same as Walmart

And no one at 6th Ave. Electronics

Derreck wanted to come back at 4am and I said I'm not taking that chance I will be here at 3am. I was going to stay up but around 1:30am Dariel convinced me to go to bed for a bit and he would wake me up. He did wake me up and I did go back to sleep. Thankfully Sandrine got me up and at 3am we were on our way.

We get to the place about 3:10am and there is a line of only about 30 people ahead of us. We call Eric several times to bring his ass and some chairs and blankets. We didn't want it to look like Eric and Derreck were cutting the line. Eric and Derreck show up about 3:45am we continue to wait.

You know what my Christmas wish is? (well one of them)

To be in a position financially in a place where I don't need to wait on a line at 3am for a deal. I wish to be in a place where I feel I don't need such things as the 32-inch LCD TV.

Wal-Mart worker dies in rush; two killed at toy store

2008-11-29T01:05:00.002-05:00

(CNN) -- Three violent deaths in two stores marred the opening of the Christmas shopping season Friday.

A Wal-Mart employee at this Long Island location was killed in a rush early Friday morning.

In the first, a temporary Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death in a rush of thousands of early morning shoppers as he and other employees attempted to unlock the doors of a Long Island, New York, store at 5 a.m., police said.

In the second, unrelated incident, two men were shot dead in a Toys "R" Us in Palm Desert, California, after they argued in the store, police said.
The toy company and authorities said the California shootings had nothing to do with shopping on Black Friday, which is historically one of the year's busiest shopping days.
The Wal-Mart worker, whom authorities did not identify, was 34 and lived in Queens, said Nassau County police Detective Lt. Michael Fleming.
"This was utter chaos as these men tried to open the door this morning," Fleming said.
Video showed as many as a dozen people knocked to the floor in the stampede of people trying to get into the Wal-Mart store, Fleming said.

The employee was "stepped on by hundreds of people" as other workers attempted to fight their way through the crowd, Fleming said.
"Several minutes" passed before others were able to clear space around the man and attempt to render aid. Police arrived, and "as they were giving first aid, those police officers were also jostled and pushed," he said.
"Shoppers ... were on a full-out run into the store," he said.
The crowd had begun forming outside the store by 9 p.m. Thursday, Fleming said. By 5 a.m. Friday, when the doors were unlocked, there were 2,000 or so shoppers, many of whom "surged forward," breaking the doors, he said.
The man was taken by ambulance to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead.
Others in the crowd sustained minor injuries such as sprained ankles, Fleming said.
A 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital, but "the baby is going to be OK," Yes unborn child your mother felt it necessary to buy that blu ray DVD player on sale instead of worrying about your well being. Fleming said. She was to be released later in the day, he said.
The California shootings occurred about 11:30 a.m. (2:30 p.m. ET), authorities said.
By the time police arrived, two men were dead from gunshot wounds, Riverside County sheriff's Sgt. Dennis Gutierrez said. He said authorities are not seeking any other suspects.
Gutierrez said that the men did not appear to be store employees and that the dispute appeared unrelated to shopping.
"There was a confrontation inside of the store. But over a toy? I don't think that is accurate," he said.
Two handguns were found near the men's bodies, Gutierrez said.
In a written statement, Toys "R" Us spokeswoman Kathleen Waugh said the shooting appeared unrelated to the heavy shopping day.
"Our understanding is that this act seems to have been the result of a personal dispute between the individuals involved," she said.
She said company officials were "outraged" by the shooting and were working with authorities to find out what happened.
Gutierrez said no one else in the store was injured. Gutierrez said no one else in the store was injured. The store remained closed Friday afternoon but was expected to open as usual Saturday.

He said authorities would not release the men's names until their families have been notified.
Daniel Watson said he was at home with his children when his wife called from the Toys "R" Us store, where she and her mother were shopping.
"All I could hear was gunshots in the back," he said. "She said, 'They're in here shooting.' I told her to run and hide, stay down and hide."
He said his wife did just that, ducking under a clothes rack until the threat was over. Watson said neither woman was hurt.
Asked about the possibility of criminal charges in the Wal-Mart death, Fleming said he would not rule it out but noted that charges would be "very difficult," as it would be "almost impossible" to identify people in the crowd from the video, and those in the front of the crowd were pushed by those behind them.
Hundreds of people may have lined up in an orderly fashion but got caught up in the rush, he said.
Wal-Mart spokesman Kelly Cheeseman issued a statement saying, "We are saddened to report that a gentleman who was working for a temporary agency on our behalf died at the store and a few other customers were injured. Our thoughts and prayers are with their families at this difficult time."
The company is investigating the incident, the statement said.
Officers patrolling the shopping center overnight had had concerns about the size of the crowd, Fleming said, and had tried to get those in line better organized. Wal-Mart security officers were also present overnight, but he said he did not know how many.
"I don't know what it's worth to Wal-Mart or to any of these stores that run these sales events," Fleming said, "but it has become common knowledge that large crowds do gather on the Friday after Thanksgiving in response to these sales and in an effort to do their holiday shopping at the cheapest prices.

"I think it is incumbent upon the commercial establishments to recognize that this has the potential to occur at any store. Today, it happened to be Wal-Mart. It could have been any other store where hundreds and hundreds of people gather."
Asked whether the security had been adequate, Fleming said, "In light of the outcome, in hindsight, the answer is obviously no. ... This crowd was out of control."SOURCE

CNN's Rosalina Nieves contributed to this report.

And what makes life sad at times...

2008-11-26T19:38:00.002-05:00

All of the careers I feel that I am the best suited for and I think I will be the happiest with I may never be.

High School Teacher
I know I know that is not an unrealistic dream but I don't think I have the patience for that anymore. Plus it would require me to quit my job to do student teaching which I can do but I'm not willing to do.

Congresswoman
Would you give me money to represent you?

Writer
Only Ann Coulter can spew the same nonsense and hate and sell books. Me they would label too liberal and the public would welcome me about as much as Darwin's Theory of Evolution in the Palin house.

History Professor
I will not discount this career yet. It will depend on me and what kind of chances would I be willing to take

Why do we Blog?

2008-11-26T19:12:00.002-05:00

I was flipping through the channels Wednesday night and Queen Latifah was on with Tavis Smiley. I assume he asked her about her secret to longevity in the entertainment business and she talked about not taking everyone with you. You can't rise to the top if you have 20 people hanging on your coat tails. Then she started talking about blogs. She said she hates them because everyone now has something to say. She says everyone so desperately wants to be heard. I can't help but agree.

My blog has done so many things for me. It helped me through a tough time or two recently. I used to be afraid to write if you can believe that. As you can probably tell my grammar and spelling isn't great and that kept me back for a long time (<----run on). I was embarrassed to share my thoughts because of all the grammar ish. I remember in high school Sean asked me to write music reviews for the website he created for our little clique. I never submitted a review after many threats from Sean. I never submitted them for several reasons that include but not limited to: embarrassed that my skills were sub par, always secretly lusting for Sean (I can admit this now that the teenage crush is over and it is 15 years later) and not valuing my opinion enough. The secretly (I shouldn't say secret everyone knew) lusting after Sean has a big part of why I never wrote for the upstarts website. You don't want the guy you like to think your stupid even though I know that works for some females it doesn't work for me. I was always afraid of being kicked out of that little clique. Who would have known that I would move away placing irreparable damage to the relationship with my brother and who knew I would eventually be replaced.

As therapeutic as my blog has been I must admit because I promised to be absolutely honest here (and I can be because no one really reads this except for my LS and Jody) I want to be heard. I have secret ambitions of political office (but then my campaign would be marred with scandal cause this blog will suddenly surface). I feel I am capable of performing the duties. We have many a Congressional leader that don't have the "experience" but still manage to get the job done to the best of their abilities (or don't get the job done either way most people don't care about such elections and the same fools continue to win). Some people are just in Congress because they live in a blue state, they are Democrat and we want to keep it blue and Democrat. That can totally be me.

If the whole political career doesn't work out I could certainly live out the rest of my days with an editorial column. I don't need the Times the Long Island Newsday would be sufficient for me. I would love to write how I feel for a living when it comes to issuses we face domestically and abroad. The Newsday would certainly suit me the best because I feel people pay too much attention to what is going on in the National stage. The local and state government affect "you" so much and no one really cares. As a member of the editorial staff I would first get more people to read the paper period and second encourage correspondence from my readers. That whole "community leader" role has worked wonders for someone special.

Is it wrong to think that one day George Stephonopolus will come across my blog one day and invite me on to This Week?

Or I will piss off Sean Hannity enough that he would invite me on his show so all of his neo con followers would send me hate mail and death threats?

A girl can only wish....

I Can't Breathe! LMAO

2008-11-24T17:16:00.000-05:00

Speak of the Devil cont...

2008-11-24T15:58:00.002-05:00

I was just telling Jody last week that I believe when you play recordings of Sean Hannity speaking backwards I'm sure you will hear the voice of the devil. We remember commenting on how insignificant Colmes was we couldn't remember his name. Now that I think of I'm pretty sure we were calling Holmes.

Fox News is getting itself in gear. They are preparing for war since losing this election and I'm sure they are recruiting soldiers as we speak. When you are preparing for battle propaganda is important. You need one voice to speak to the people that are going to listen. How effective would Hitler been if he had some leftist coming on after him saying, "Hey maybe the Jews aren't so bad"

I don’t exisit in Sean Hannity’s America. There is no place for me. How can there be when I don’t understand how it is okay not to regulate government but it is okay to regulate morality? I heard Mr. Hannity complaining about Congress forcing banks to lend money to people that can’t afford it. Yea he has a point. But at the same time is it right to speak of an American dream that does not and will never exist for many? I say be real

Sean Hannity will have his own radio show and his own television show. His followers will be able to hear him in the car on the way to work and home and then at evening before they go to bed. That is a lot of Hannity. He is going to have an uninterrupted pulpit to spew from and my fellow Americans this is dangerous. Hannity doesen’t has listeners he has followers, all people that live by the Gospel according to Sean

Speak of the Devil

2008-11-24T15:51:00.002-05:00

Hannity and Colmes split up

Michael Calderone Michael Calderone – 2 hrs 4 mins ago

Fox News announced that after 12 years, Alan Colmes will be leaving the top-rated "Hannity & Colmes" at the end of the year.

“I approached Bill Shine (FNC’s Senior Vice President of Programming) earlier this year about wanting to move on after 12 years to develop new and challenging ways to contribute to the growth of the network," Colmes said in a statement. "Although it’s bittersweet to leave one of the longest marriages on cable news, I’m proud that both Sean (Hannity) and I remained unharmed after sitting side by side, night after night for so many years.”

Sean Hannity said Colmes was "a remarkable co-host," "great friend," and "skillful debate partner.”

Colmes will remain a Fox commentator, and continue hosting "The Alan Colmes Show" on Fox News Radio. Also, he's developing a weekend show.

So will it just be the "The Sean Hannity Show" (as on the radio) or take the name of the weekly Fox show, "Hannity's America?" In the release, published after the jump, there's no mention of Hannity seeking a new liberal co-host, so I assume he's on his own, but can't say for sure. I've put the question to Fox and will update when available.

UPDATE: A Fox spokesperson said it has not yet been determined, but the NY Times hears that Hannity may go it alone. Also, Hannity talks up Colmes on his radio show.

ALAN COLMES TO DEPART TOP RATED HANNITY & COLMES

FOX News Channel’s (FNC) Alan Colmes will relinquish his role as co-host of Hannity & Colmes at the end of the year.

In announcing his decision, Colmes said, “I approached Bill Shine (FNC’s Senior Vice President of Programming) earlier this year about wanting to move on after 12 years to develop new and challenging ways to contribute to the growth of the network. Although it’s bittersweet to leave one of the longest marriages on cable news, I’m proud that both Sean (Hannity) and I remained unharmed after sitting side by side, night after night for so many years.”

Colmes will continue to have a presence on FNC as he will serve as a liberal commentator on a variety of FOX News programming, including Foxnews.com’s The Strategy Room and continue hosting his radio program, The Alan Colmes Show on FOX Talk, a division of FOX News Radio. He will also begin developing a weekend program.

Shine said, “We’re very sorry to see Alan reach this decision but we understand his desire to seek other creative challenges in his career. We value his incredible hard work in making Hannity & Colmes the most successful debate program on cable news and we’re going to miss him on the show. Thankfully, he will begin developing a weekend pilot for us.”

FOX News Chairman & Chief Executive Officer Roger Ailes added, “Alan is one of the key reasons why FOX News has been such a remarkable success. We’re sad to see him leave the program but we look forward to his ongoing contributions to the network.”

Hannity & Colmes is the only FNC program which has remained in the same timeslot for 12 years, catapulting to number one in 2003 and never relinquishing the top spot. The second highest-rated program in cable news behind only The O’Reilly Factor, Hannity & Colmes averaged 3.3 million viewers nightly for the Nielsen month of October and is poised to mark 60 consecutive months at number one at the end of November.

Hannity added, “Not only has Alan been a remarkable co-host, he’s been a great friend which is rare in this industry — I’ll genuinely miss sparring with such a skillful debate partner.”

Throughout his 12 year tenure on Hannity & Colmes, Colmes has interviewed numerous key political figures, including: President Elect Barack Obama, Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY), Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA), DNC Chairman Howard Dean and former Vice President Al Gore.

FOX News Channel (FNC) is a 24-hour general news service covering breaking news as well as political, entertainment and business news. For nearly seven years, FNC has been the most watched cable news channel in the nation. Owned by News Corp., FNC is available in more than 90 million homes. SOURCE

For Courtney

2008-11-24T15:37:00.003-05:00

********************************DISCLAIMER*******************************************
WE HERE AT JESSICA'S WORK IN PROGRESS DO NOT ENDORSE THE BELIEFS STATED BY THE MEMBERS OF THIS WEBSITE. WE JUST PUBLISH THE NEWS AS THEY COME IN

Courtney's twisted behind knows why I'm posting this story. To all the people that read this and have this disease I encourage you to get help and not resort to such drastic measures.

I post this for Courtney

Out of the Shadows
After meeting for years on anonymous and secret Web sites, pro-anorexia groups are now moving to more public forums like Facebook.
By Tina Peng Newsweek Web Exclusive
Nov 23, 2008 Updated: 9:53 a.m. ET Nov 23, 2008

A Web page labeled "Ana Boot Camp" recently offered its members a seemingly irresistible proposition: a 30-day regimen designed to help them drop some serious pounds, no exercise needed. The catch was that the group's members were to vary their daily caloric intake from 500 (less than half the daily minimum requirement for women recommended by the American College of Sports Medicine) to zero. They were supposed to track their progress, fast to make up for the days they accidentally "overate" and support each other as they worked toward their common goal of radical weight loss.

Pro-anorexia, or "pro-ana," Web sites (with more than one using the "Ana Boot Camp" name) have for years been a controversial fixture, with users sharing extreme diet tips and posting pictures of emaciated girls under headlines such as "thinspiration." But what was unusual about the site mentioned above (which is no longer available) was where it was hosted: the ubiquitous social networking site Facebook.com. The (largely female) users who frequent pro-ana sites have typically done so anonymously, posting under pseudonyms and using pictures of fashion models to represent themselves. Now, as the groups increasingly launch pages on , linking users' real-life profiles to their , the heated conversation around anorexia has become more public. Many pro-ana Facebookers say the groups provide an invaluable support system to help them cope with their disease, but psychologists worry that the growth of such groups could encourage eating disorders in others.

Rose, 17, a Maryland high-school senior who, like several other women interviewed for this story, asked to be identified only by her first name, was active in pro-ana Facebook groups for two years. There, she found a community of people like her—people who had a disease with which few of their friends could identify. "These sites provided a setting where I could talk about the illness without people trying to fix me or tell me that what I'm doing is horrible, disgusting, maladaptive," she says. "For me, part of the illness was just about getting attention. You feel so lonely and you want someone to notice you, and I guess that's kind of the way to do it, even with other sick people."

Many members of the Facebook groups have migrated over from other social networking sites, like MySpace and Xanga. "Facebook's the most personable," Rose says. "If you're on something like MySpace, that's famous for creepy old men. Facebook seems the safest." Kate, a 20-year-old Utah college student, says being able to see people's faces, friends and interests on their Facebook sites makes for a more intimate community. "It's a lot more of a support group for pro-ana," she says. "MySpace was more focused on tips and tricks and when to exercise. [On Facebook], there's a lot of really close networking, so you add those people as friends and exchange phone numbers, and when you're having a hard day, you talk on the phone."
Dr. Steven Crawford, associate director of the Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore, sees the openness of the Facebook site as part of its appeal. Increasing numbers of teenage patients at the center are joining Facebook groups that proclaim their disorders to the world, which Crawford believes is a means of adolescent rebellion: "It's almost like putting it in your face: I have an eating disorder. I am anorexic."

Pro-ana group creators insist that they aren't recruiting anorexics and are just supporting each other. In fact, there are some groups that are legitimately focused on recovery. Still, the effects of even such makeshift support groups are likely not as benign as some fans claim. "The more types of these sites that you use, the higher your risk for disordered eating is," says Stanford professor Rebecka Peebles, M.D., acknowledging that that correlation doesn't prove that the sites necessarily contribute to the disorder. A 2006 study that she coauthored found that 96 percent of teens diagnosed with eating disorders who visited pro-eating disorder Web sites learned new dieting and purging techniques, and almost 50 percent of teens who visited sites ostensibly devoted to eating disorder recovery also learned new weight-loss tips. SOURCE

What would George Carlin Say

2008-11-24T12:40:00.006-05:00

On June 22nd of this year we lost a voice of reason. Mr. Carlin was a comedian, an actor, author. He was supposed to make us laugh and he did for many years. But, can you hear Carlin? If you hear Carlin you know there is a message behind the madness a truth. We were entertained but I feel the ones that could hear Carlin were enlightened.

What would Mr. Carlin say about the current state of our country now? I can't say he is in heaven discussing it with my dad or talking shit with Tantie Len. We all know he didn't believe in all of that (even though I do Mr. Carlin and I agree to disagree).

Can you imagine if you can Carlin's take on Palin?!?!

A Few Tidbits from Mr. Carlin

"In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem."

"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."

"Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers."

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."

"The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."

"This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out.'"

What would you say...

2008-11-24T11:56:00.002-05:00

After you lose someone special to you your life is split in half. Now memories of mine are when my father was alive and when he died. When I walked into the election booth on November 4th, I shed a tear. Not for the momentous event but because my Dad was not here to participate.

My father was not the most educated man but extremely intelligent. I remember when he was alive he spent hours watching the news and it would not be just one form of it. He often watched CNN and fox news. He wanted the news from all points of view. Everyday at 7:00 he would watch BBC news which we all know is the place you go if you want any truth in the news you are reporting. I remember back to earlier this year during the NYS primary. My mother and I had a long discussion with my Uncle Richard and Tantie Kathleen and we all agreed Hillary Clinton would be our candidate for president. I remember going to the polls that day, walking into the booth and freezing. I went in with every intention to vote for Hillary but I couldn't move. The minute I decided to vote for Obama I could feel the paralysis leave my body and I voted for him. I went home after leaving the polling station and said to my mom, "I know we were going to vote for Hillary but I couldn't do it. I voted for Obama." My mom laughed and said, "Me too." I know exactly how that convo would go with my dad and the smile he would give me when I told him what happened in the polling booth. He probably would have gone in to vote for Hillary but left voting for Obama.

In the days after our historic election of the first black president I watched all of the pundits and news shows. I watched several black leaders (Andrew Young, Vernon Jordan and Cynthia McKinney) on these shows and I was slightly comforted by the fact that we shared the same opinion. We all didn't support Obama at first because we didn't believe. We didn't believe it was possible. Up until election day I didn't believe this would happen. Andrew Young was asked would Martin Luther King Jr. believe there would a black president in his lifetime? Mr. Young responded, "Martin wouldn't have believed that I would be in Congress." This election has done so much for so many people and President elect Obama will continue to do for people.

I remember my dad telling me he when he first came to this country no one would rent to him in the part of New Jersey he worked in so he had to commute almost two hours from my Uncle Steve's in South Orange. That was the early 70s and now we have a black family moving into the house that we had to build as slaves.

I wonder Dad what would you say about this historic time in our life. He was able to say so much with so little words. I clearly take after my mother when it comes to expressing an opinion.

AYDMF (C) Teefiveten

2008-11-24T11:54:00.001-05:00

Rapper confesses to shooting in song

Associated Press
Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dublin —- He shot a man twice and felt so good about it, police say, a Georgia rapper wrote a song describing the shooting and calling out the victim by name.
A judge sentenced 25-year-old Rico Todriquez Wright of Dublin on Monday to spend the next 20 years in prison after his victim mentioned the hip-hop confession to police.
Chad Blue, 28, told police he had known Wright before the September 2006 shooting but they weren’t friendly. He testified companions egged Wright on as he chased and shot his victim in the thigh and groin. Later, Blue told police he recognized Wright’s voice on a CD, rapping “Chad Blue knows how I shoot.”
Wright was sentenced to 20 years for two counts of aggravated assault. He will spend another 20 years on probation SOURCE

Grimey Witches or is it the Dude?

2008-11-23T20:17:00.002-05:00

My LS just posted an entry about Grimey Bitches and I must agree with most of what she says. My experiences in the past week have introduced me to the Grimey Dude or is he? of

Now as a 29 year old single female I've learned a thing or two about guys. I met one recently who I believed to be kind of feeling me. Now this guy is not my type or am I interested in him at all but I will admit, I like the attention. He was kind of flirty for a little while so I (like a fool) to Koka, "Yo I think such and such is feeling me". She thinks this is the funniest shit and decides to tease me about it. Fast forward a few hours after getting Sanaa in on the joke decides to pull my card in front of our neo who tell us that such and such is engaged.

Now I'm thinking "damn I'm slipping". Is it that bad that I am creating flirtation in my head? Did I mistake this dude just being friendly for affection. That is bad.

The next night I ask Koka and Sanaa again, I'm like "he was flirting with me right? I didn't make that shit up right?" The two of them confirmed what I was feeling and said he was definitely flirting with you.

What's the deal?!?

Do I think he is a dog no but I do wonder why would you do that? I've never met this fiance but she is close by. We could cross paths easily.

Now I'm not going to go there. I want to uplift other females not be the home wrecker before there is an actual home but damn dude what is the deal?

What is the deal with the dudes that step out with these grimey bitches? Why are we so easy on the dude and not the female. The female in my LS's case is different. This females knows you are in a relationship and goes after your dude anyway. But what about the dude that doesn't need much convincing to be led astray? I think we need to do something about that.