Thursday, May 25, 2006

Still Wooken PuNub

A few months ago I decided to put myself out there again. I realized I wouldn't meet anyone from my bed but, in 2006 you can. Match.com was clearly made for lazy poor people like myself. I spent a lot of time on my profile with the wording and how exactly I wanted to sell myself. So I posted my profile submitted my picture for approval and within days my account was up. I gave it about a week before I deleted my profile. I guess I'm just a little old fashioned and deep down still believe in meeting in person vs. online. More power to the people that do meet that way I just don't think its for me





Well after a few days of thinking, analyzing and hearing opinions from friends I decided to just go ahead and create a profile. Now I haven't paid yet I've just submitted a profile for approval.
I've learned a few things about myself during this process. #1 I am extremely picky. At first I thought I was being a little too picky but then I said to myself that is not such a bad thing. I mean really am I supposed to date the man that finds it acceptable to have your profile name as "wookenpunub" "lookzandbrainz", "ninja nunez or this gem "chocolatelotion"? The man that is super specific on what he wants on his profile (for example the man that requests his dates match their panties with their bras) then you are deleted from my consideration list. If your wants are too broad (for example the man willing to travel 1500 miles from where they live for a date) is eliminated as well.

The Second thing I realized is that I am a very private person. I need everything in my life to be completely separate. If I'm dating you I don't want to see you at work, I don't want to see you at school and I don't want you in any social organization I maybe apart of. Basically I need places to escape when your bothering me and vice versa. If school is nuts or my boss is on my back I have my man waiting to rub my shoulders when I get home.

The Third thing I realized is how far I am from being ready for marriage. The entire concept scares the shit out of me for many reasons. First the men I meet, I think to myself "This is what I have to chose from for a life partner?" I'm also scared of how involved you get with your spouse. There is actually a life change adjustment scale that assigns points to the different types of changes in your life. Death of a spouse comes in a 100 points Life Change Assessment Scale. Last year I watched my mother and my 40-year-old cousin bury their husbands. There are some things in life that you just never recover from.

And finally realized how much I enjoy staying at home. I like music I like to party but the last place in the world I want to meet a man is in the club. My perfect Friday night is staying in cooking or ordering in and watching a movie or watching the weeks TV on the DVR.
So now I wait and see. When the good folks at match.com approve my profile and put it up lets see IF I receive any emails from eligible men.


Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Lust: One of the Seven Deadly Sins

I posted this song one day because of a friend's situation. What's ironic right about now is the song pertains to me. I am in situation right now and it can go two ways; I can ignore my feelings and stay incredibly horny or I can give in to my urges and be with a man I have no business being with. I've decided to ignore my feelings. It's not easy but you have to do things that are hard sometimes. I saw on okayplayer once someone said "God puts you in the same situation over and over again until you learn from it." I can't ask the Lord to send me a good man if I keep doing the same thing with the wrong man. That Jermaine Jackson song "Did what you did when you do what you do...." just popped into my head. With this man I will try to apply some of the lessons I have learned in my almost 27 years on this planet.


This song is all about lust. Many people from my generation should say thank you to Rick James. Many children were conceived because of this song

Rick James and Tina Marie "Fire and Desire"

Wow. It's really good to see you again, baby And I must admit you're looking very, very, very nice these days
I guess life must be treating you well Oh, me Well, I've just been doin' the same ol' thing I've always been doin 'You know, I've got a new lady now
And it's a little different then it was when I was with you You know, I think back to when we met
The way I use to be and the cold way I use to act But more than that. I think of how you changed me with your love and sensitivity
Remember when I used to...

Love them and leave them That's what I used to do Use and abuse them Then I laid eyes on you
It was pain before pleasure That was my claim to fame With every measure, baby Tasted teardrop stains, yeah
I was cold as ice long ago, baby, babyI wasn't very, very, very nice, you know Sugar, sugar, sugar
Then I kissed your lips And you tuned on my fire, baby
And you burn me up within your flame Took me a little higherMade me live again
You turned on my fire, baby Then you showed me what a love could doFire and desire, babyFeel it comin' through
And I thank you, baby

Oh, how I thank you, baby You taught me so much And you showed mw so much and love and insensitivity
That since you've been gone I don't think I've ever felt this way before
You know it's funny how a man can change So quickly from a cold blooded person Thinkin' he's God gift to women
Remember how I use to do that I must have been crazy then
Remember when you used to...

Love them and leave them Oh, that's what I used to do Use them and abuse them, whoa Then I laid eyes on you
It was pain before pleasure Oh, that was my claim to fame With every measure Tasted your teardrop stains, yeah
You were cold as ice (Woo...hoo...hoo...hoo...), baby, baby(I-I wasn't, I-I wasn't very nice, I know, woo...)Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugarThen I kissed your lips
And you (You turned on) turned (You turned on) on(You turned on my fire) my fire, baby (Ooh...)Then you showed me what a love could do (Woo...hoo...)Fire and desire (Fire and desire)Feelin' good to you (Feelin' good to you)
You turned on my fire (Fire, ooh...ooh...), baby (Oh, baby)And you burn me up within your flame (You burn me, you burn me)Fire and desire (Fire and desire)And we're both to blame, both to blame (Ooh...ooh...)
You know I guess I think we both said a little too much today (No, ooh...hoo...hoo...)
After all Tee, you're kind of with somebody elseI'm kind of livin' with somebody (Ooh...ooh...ooh...)But please do me a favor just before you go (What is it, baby)
Just put your arms around me and hold me like you used (I wanna hold you tight)
Tell me "Rick" (Oh...oh...) "Everything is gonna be alright"(Everything, everything, everything is gonna be alright)Put your arms around me Put your arms around me (Ooh...)(Ooh...ooh...)Oh, baby (Woo...ooh...ooh...)Oh, baby (Ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...)(Ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...oh)

Monday, May 22, 2006

A blast from the not so distant past

I posted this on my myspace blog March 14, 2006. My original plan was to move all of my previous entries but I have decided not to. A lot of my early writing is very sad. I'm trying to get away from the constant sadness.



Young, Gifted and Black

Allow me to go off topic for a spell...

I think my favorite thing about this blog is the fact that I don't proofread it before I post it. I spell check it but I don't proofread. Throughout my entire life I have always been afraid of my written thoughts. My biggest concern was if I wrote people would see how I completely massacre the English language. To the people reading this you have no idea how much that fear held me back in life.

Well back to the topic at hand. What made me think of this topic to write about? The Black Eyed Peas. I really like their song "Like That" and after seeing the video again I realized I really like their new "Pump It". I then ask myself "Why did I ever dislike the Black Eyed Peas?" Okay I will still agree that "My Humps" is an atrocity but other than that are they really that bad? I think not.

Why did I really hate the Black Eyed Peas? Is it because of self-hate? Self- judgment? Two things I've lived my life trying not to do. Did I try to place the Black Eyed Peas into this very small box of how black people are supposed to act? I think I did. The irony in that is I myself have never been in the box of how black people are SUPPOSED to act. I remember being a child and hating myself. At different ages it was for different reasons. I think from about 3rd grade through about 7th grade I hated the fact that I was not white. I went to a school with a class of 22 kids. Only 7 of the 22 were black. 5 girls and 2 boys. I was just different. Not only was I a minority but I looked different than the 4 other black girls in school. I hated being so different. Around 7th grade I started hearing from black people that I was too white. I remember as a child constantly downplaying my parents' accomplishments because I didn't want people to think I was rich. We were never rich but at one point we were comfortable. I think it was 10th or 11th grade when I said "FUCK IT!" I'm just going to be me. I am a black kid from the suburbs. I am young, gifted and black. I am educated. I am what the black community could be. I am not better than any other black person because I grew up in the suburbs. I am success because of circumstance. If my parents didn't work as hard as they did I would be in a completely different place now. I think that is one of the reasons why the situation in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina affected me so much. I know if my circumstance were different that could have been me in the superdome for over a week. Every black person needs to remind them self of that.So I call out to all the black kids from the suburbs for a helping hand. Give just a little bit of what you have. Show a black kid from the city what hard work and an education can do for you.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

To Blog or Not to Blog

I started this blog way before I even considered having a myspace page. I've been using it so much I guess its time to upgrade a bit. I think for the next week or so I will copy and paste the best of Jessica's myspace blog until I get this one looking the way I want it to.